So Bob Hope is no longer with us; but he had a good run, didn't he?
To be truthful, he was never one of my favorites. I'm a National Lampoon-era cynic, and Hope's TV appearances were to me irretrievably cornpone.
But, still.
I remember a movie he did. Let me rephrase that. I remember a scene in a movie he did, probably in the early fifties, probably one of a dozen with a similar plot, with him as the swave man-about-town (SMAT), with a beautiful babe love interest (BBLI).
For some reason, the BBLI had charge of an infant, and had to go downtown or uptown or something for a few hours, leaving said infant in Hope's care.
Men and babies. Let the comic hijinks begin!
BBLI: "Are you sure you'll be able to handle this?"
SMAT: "Relax. How tough can it be?"
BBLI: "Well . . . OK. I'll be back as soon as I can. Oh, I nearly forgot." [Hands two bottles to SMAT]
SMAT: "Uh, what are these?"
BBLI: "Baby oil, and baby powder."
SMAT: "So what do I do with them?"
BBLI (rolling eyes) "You. Put. Them. On. The. Baby. Now, I've got to run!"
[Fade out]
[Fade in to very awkwardly-diapered baby on changing table. SMAT is looking back and forth, perplexed, at baby oil and powder bottles. SMAT opens baby oil bottle, sniffs it. Pours a little bit on baby, sniffs it again, pours half the bottle, finally pours entire bottle. Shakes out some baby powder into his hand, judges its texture, sniffs it, tentatively sprinkles it on baby. Sprinkles a bit more. Unscrews the cap and dumps the entire bottle on baby.]
SMAT was massaging what looked like a madly giggling glob of wallpaper paste when BBLI arrived back on the scene.
Men and babies. When will they learn?
I couldn't tell you the name of the movie if you held a gun to my head, but I'll always remember that scene. I laughed until I cried.
It more than made up for every lame golf joke he ever told. On the strength of that piece alone, Bob Hope should enter the express lane to Heaven.