By now everyone's likely seen this, so I won't bother to link to it.
MILWAUKEE (AP) -- Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon got a grilling from prosecutors and was let off with a $432 fine Thursday after bopping a woman dressed as a giant sausage with his bat.
I was horrified to read this on the net last night, especially with quotes like:
Rick Schlesinger, Brewers executive vice president for business operations, said Simon's conduct was unjustified.
"This is one of the most outrageous things I've ever seen inside a ballpark or outside a ballpark," he said. "It sickened me to see it."
Uh, yeah. I finally saw it, and it was like the St. Valentine's Day massacre or something. Or some terrible NASCAR crash where the cars are all made of foam rubber and are wobbling perpendicularly down the track at 5 mph.
Simon was obviously trying to playfully tap the . . . sausage and the . . . sausage, startled as much as anything else, fell down and skinned her knees, taking out the . . . wiener with her. (I have tears in my eyes just trying to write this. Thank God he didn't pinch her ass.)
I used to work in the parts department of a local car dealership. One day a big black man -- Jamaican, judging by his accent -- came in. He wanted to buy a piece of interior trim or a panel so I had to go out to his car to get the color code, which is stamped on the V.I.N. plate. I was walking back to the counter, with him following, when I got hit with a gentle rabbit punch in the kidneys.
I spun around and found him grinning.
"I'm a boxer! This is how boxers have fun!"
Ooookkkaaayyyyy. I suppose I could have gotten all huffy about it and pointed out that I wasn't a boxer, etc., etc., but he was so delighted with his impromptu horseplay that I had no choice but to laugh too.