« We Are Not The Champions | Main | Jump! »

Enter, Sandman

If you have a power sander, dispose of it now. Throw it in the garbage, give it to Goodwill, kill it with a cutting torch.

People with power sanders are like people with pickup trucks. When people need to move on the cheap, they think of people with pickup trucks.

"Yeah, Jerry's got a pickup truck! Maybe he can help us out!"

Similarly people who need something sanded on the cheap think of people with power sanders.

Thus it was I found myself today at my aunt's place, power sanding her . . . ceiling.

She'd had the ceiling in her TV room covered with wooden slats, with an antique wash, and they needed to be sanded before the final Varathane finish.

I don't have a big power sander; not an industrial-strength belt sander, just a regular Black & Decker orbital/straight jobbie, weighing maybe three pounds.

Still. Try climbing up a wobbly ladder, holding the sander (which mysteriously gained a pound more each time I lifted it) straight over your head, making two or three passes, crawling down wobbly ladder, moving said ladder over a foot.

Repeat as necessary. After I'd been doing this for 30 minutes, I thought I was having a heart attack, so I adjourned to the porch for a cigarette and to contemplate my mortality.

I could picture it vividly: Weeping throngs. The priest intoning, "Well, at least he died using his most prized tool."

My ghostly fists beating at the inside of the coffin: "No! I hate sanding! That's why I bought the damned thing! I thought it'd save time! I much prefer my drill!"

So I reiterate: Get rid of your power sander. Or my aunt.

About

This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on October 22, 2003 3:09 PM.

The previous post in this blog was We Are Not The Champions.

The next post in this blog is Jump!.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

Powered by
Movable Type 3.33
Site Meter