TORONTO -- The Ontario government is obliged to treat the family of Ahmed Khadr no differently than any other resident, Premier Dalton McGuinty said Tuesday as critics decried the widow and children of the alleged al-Qaida leader as threats to Canadian security.
You can check out this link, or I can give you the Coles Notes version:
The Khadr family are "Canadians" who've spent most of their time in salubrious climes like Pakistan and Afghanistan, returning now and then to raise money for the family "charity," which was a front for al-Qaida training camps. In fact they knew Osama bin Laden very well.
Papa Khadr was killed in a shootout with Pakistani troops; the youngest Khadr was shot in the spine and paralyzed in the same firefight.
Omar Khadr -- the middle son -- is in Guantanamo Bay, accused of killing a US Army medic in an ambush in Afghanistan. The oldest boy, Abdurahman, was also arrested in Afghanistan, but was apparently turned by the CIA and sent to Guantanamo as an informant and later shipped off to Bosnia, etc., to collect intelligence. (He was the proverbial "black sheep" of the family -- he liked to chase girls, drink, and otherwise goof off. Not your promising holy warrior material.)
Anyway, to make a long story short, Mama and the youngest have decided to investigate Canadian health care, which is apparently superior to what's available in Pakistan (though not by much, is my guess).
To everyone's surprise, the Canadian government for once took a principled position, which was: They are Canadian citizens, therefore we have to let them in.
True enough, if a wildly unpopular viewpoint.
Me, I'm just looking for laughs, so I seized on the point that "Khadr" is pronounced "Kotter," which summons up memories of "Welcome Back, Kotter," the cheesy 70's sitcom that starred comedian Gabe Kaplan and propelled John Travolta into teenage stardom, a setback it took him twenty years to recover from.
Of course, 3,569 other bloggers, radio commentators, bag ladies and politicians immediately hit upon the same punchline.
So then I had one of the brainflashes that you have come to know and love -- why not leave them in the dust with a hilarious parody of the theme song? My readers will be wiggling their toes (or other appendages of their choice) with delight!
Sure. I downloaded the lyrics, which I barely remembered, and here they are:
Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Feh. It doesn't even have a rhyme for jihadi.
And worse yet, the insipid melody is back and haunting me.
Hey, that rhymes with jihadi.
More or less.