the blog quebecois

ba buh ba ba baaa buhbuh
ba ba ba buh baaa
ba ba ba ba baaa buhbuh
ba buh ba buh baaa

-- vangelis

Dateline: Athens, Greece.

Call me impulsive, but I decided to go to the Olympics. I caught the redeye from New York and here I am in Greece, and whoa, it's like a different country or something.

The opening ceremonies are breathtaking, or so I am told, as I prefer to tackle a few bottles of ouzo first. It's usually just a bunch of folkdancing, anyway.

I make it to the stadium in time to catch the thrilling Race of the Nations. How fitting is this, ladies and gentlemen, that the host nation, Greece, is first across the finish line! This joint is rockin', let me tell you.

The first real upset of the Games! The small Caribbean island nations of St. Lucia and St. Vincent and the Grenadines finish second and third respectively!

Unfortunately Canada, er, "Kanadae" only managed 76th place. I am informed that we will change its name to "Adanac" to improve our results in the future.

Or at least beat the damn Aussies at something.

It's got to be very disappointing for the so-called superpowers of the Games, the United States and Russia, as they trail the pack badly. Better luck in Beijing '08, guys.

We are waiting with bated breath for the torchbearer. Wait, he has just entered the stadium! According to the announcer, it's a little-known Greek sprinter named Thosamas Binladenopolous.

He seems to be garbed in some sort of ancient Greek outfit, complete with . . . a laurel wreath? Let me check with the binoculars. Nope, it's not a laurel wreath -- it appears to be a traditional Arab headdress. Isn't that a lovely multicultural touch!

I wonder how you can run in those flowing robes, but Binladenopolous is actually picking up speed as he rounds the final curve. He's being chased by hundreds of excited childr . . . check that, hundreds of Special Forces troops.

This is soooo exciting! Binladenopolous is now at the top of the staircase, waving to the crowd! The soldiers are firing rifle salutes! One of them seems to have winged Binladenopoulous! He struggles to his feet to light the torch and now let the 2004 Athens Summer Games begi--