the blog quebecois

Matthew Broderick, armed with a 20 baud modem and a floppy drive, accidentally accesses the military's most top secret computer when trying to hack into his high school mainframe. Yeah.

Toasted Pixel is less than impressed with Hollywood's use of computers as a plot device.

Hackers can break into any system with three wild guesses at a password. Somewhere on the Internet there's a page that spells out in excruciating detail what the bad guys are up to. Windows never crashes.

My favorite: The monitor text is invariably in a 100-point font that looks like it was created on a Commodore 64. You'd wear out your scroll wheel trying to read anything longer than a paragraph.

Via The Presurfer

Panic is setting in at the blog québécois Election HQ. Must. Write. Something.

Can't. Write. Anything.

I'm dyin' out here.

Oh, well. Go build an igloo while I try to think of something.

Voting has started at the 2004 Weblog Awards.

Now, I want you to go and cast your votes without fear or favor for the blogs that you like best. Even if you choose not to vote for the blog québécois, you will have fulfilled your duty to the blogging community, or the "blogosphere," as some of us call it. Don't worry, I will not kill myself if you do not vote for me. However, I will give some thought to killing you. I'm kind of impulsive that way.

To gently jog your memories, I have installed an unobtrusive button in the sidebar (you should be able to find it directly below the calendar) which you can click to vote and vote again. (You can vote in each category once every day until Dec. 12. Needless to say, probably only the bloggers involved are going to make the effort.)

Update: I've got 1.7% of the vote. Woo-hoo!

who let the dogs out?
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof
who let the dogs out?

-- baha men

My sister and her husband moved from British Columbia and bought a new house here but they didn't take possession until the end of September and they wanted to get the kids enrolled in school, so my sister and her three girls stayed here from the middle of August until then. (Hubby's working up North.)

Oh, and also their two enormous dogs. One of them, "Sam," is some kind of collie mix. He displays herding behavior like zigzagging around from behind when you let him off his leash.

He'd probably make a good sheepdog, guarding the little lambies from wolves. Unless the wolves attacked with vacuum cleaners. He gets absolutely freaked out by vacuum cleaners. Tough luck then, lambies..

The other dog is allegedly a pure Black Labrador, but I think he's got some . . . Shetland pony genes. He's huge. Fortunately he's also the gentlest big dog that I've ever known; the gentlest four-legged carnivorous eating machine that you've ever seen. Also one of the stupidest, as my sister reminded me as she tried to separate him from a handful of plastic-barreled Q-Tips he was attempting to ingest.

"Oh, these really aren't good for him." she said.

He fulfilled the role that dogs have played since time immemorial -- to stand guard in the night where I least expected him, so that he might protect me from other jet-black beasts that I might trip over on the way to the john at 3 a.m.

As I lay broken and insensate on the living room floor "Butch" would indicate his concern by bringing over his favorite chew toy for my consolation. And you know what? It wasn't half bad, once you got past the dog-slobber.

It all took me back to my childhood . . .

memories
may be beautiful and yet
what’s too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget

-- barbra streisand

Undaunted, I charged down the hallway into the living room, and there I found, silhouetted in the early light . . . a doggie! This would be the bestest birthday ever!

Now, unbeknownst to me, my aunt and uncle had come in from out of town late and were staying over, with their two newly-acquired German Shepherd police dogs, which had been recently decommissioned or drummed out of the K-9 Corps in disgrace or something.

Crying "A doggie!"; and then "two doggies!" I raced to embrace my new friends and then one of my new friends knocked me to the floor with a very big paw and sat on my chest.

And the other one sat on my face. When I started to squirm around, they'd bare their teeth and make growly noises, so I accepted my grim, muffled fate until the adults finally woke up and rescued me.

So that was my fourth birthday. No wonder I'm so screwed up.

Interesting news from Lebanon. No, not Lebanon, Ohio. Expatriate American teacher Tyler Golson in the Daily Star:

Abandoning my lesson plan for the moment, but curious at this sudden display of interest in the election, I ventured: "Who do you want to win?" "Bush," said Rahaf, while a number of others nodded in solid agreement. I pressed them further for a few minutes, asking individual students why they liked Bush. The same ideas came up again and again: he is a strong leader, an honest man, and, most of all, a believer. Like the winning margin of American voters this year, these Middle Easterners related to Bush's sense of religious conviction and his confident steering of a nation and culture they admired.

I think in years to come, Arab opinion of Bush will parallel the admiration for Ronald Reagan among Central and Eastern European democrats.

Via NealeNews

you load sixteen tons and what do you get?
another day older and deeper in debt
saint peter, don't you call me 'cause i can't go
i owe my soul to the company store

-- merle travis

This is sort of like an arcade version of the old computer game Transport Tycoon.

OK, not really, but it was the first thing to come to mind. A factory pumps out different colored boxes and you click on arrows on conveyor belts to route them to the correct type of shipping. The site's in German, but you shouldn't have any problem figuring it out.

Via A Welsh View

I got a new shirt that's a bit long in the arms.

I went to rinse out a glass and the left cuff got caught by the tap and before I knew it, my evening was ruined.

I was pissed off about it at the time but there are some things that you have to let go.

I'm ready to move on. Why aren't you?

elevator! going up!
in the gleaming corridors of the 51st floor
the money can be made if you really want some more

-- the clash

The buttons are numbered depending on how they are positioned. They will either be vertical (more likely), or in horizontal rows of 4 buttons per row. If it is vertical, the first button is #1, the one below it is #2, and so forth. If the buttons are in horizontal rows, the first button is #1, and the one to the right of it is #2. The numbers work like a type writer after that. In rows of 4, the first button of row 2 will be button #5. So, to review, getting in to the debug menu looks like this:

COKE MACHINE::::::
$1.00 -------
-------------
[ Coke ] <-- Hit this button last
[ Coke ] <-- Hit this button second
[ Diet Coke ] <-- Hit this button third
[ Sprite ] <-- Hit this button first
[ And so on ]
-------------

Never let it be said that this blog isn't educational. The above describes how to hack your way into a computer-controlled Coke machine, or at least into the debug menu.

There isn't much you can actually do from there, though. You can't get the machine to give you money or free Cokes. For that you need a crowbar.

(I was somewhat popular in high school because my arm -- more importantly, my elbow -- was skinny enough that I could reach up into vending machines selling bagged items like peanuts or chips and jerk them free from the retaining clip. Or at least that was the theory. I have to be sure I'm covered by the statute of limitations before I say more.)

Via Resist Or Serve

it's dark, I know you can't see at all
but try and take some notice
at least try and focus

-- jump little children

'The guys have been out there, building relationships with local people that brings in crucial intelligence and keeps us safe. If the same guys start kicking down doors and reporting on ordinary people who are just trying to earn a living in difficult circumstances, then they are not going to see us as friends anymore,' one soldier, recently returned from Afghanistan, told The Observer.”

Various drug-control types in the US and UN and UK want to use troops in Afghanistan to destroy poppy fields and thoroughly alienate the locals. Way to go, you heroic desk-warriors! You're going to get real warriors killed.

As Stuttaford points out, it'd make a lot more sense to buy up the crops and dispose of them however you like. The farmers don't care what the ultimate destination is. If money's a problem, you could probably cut a chunk out of the DEA's budget to take care of it.

Idiots.

promises mean everything when you're little
and the world is so big
i just don't understand how
you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
when you tell me everything is wonderful now

-- everclear

If yesterday’s rock was the music of abandon, today’s is that of abandonment. The odd truth about contemporary teenage music — the characteristic that most separates it from what has gone before — is its compulsive insistence on the damage wrought by broken homes, family dysfunction, checked-out parents, and (especially) absent fathers.

A very good and provocative essay, "Eminem Is Right," by Mary Eberstadt in Policy Review. It's long, but well worth reading.

This should make your Christmas shopping easier. You feed in the personal characteristics of the giftee (romantic, adventurous, brainy, imaginative, funny) and hit the Go button. It gives you six suggestions, all of which, by coincidence (it's eerie!) can be purchased at Borders. Here's what it picked out for me:

Books:

Confronting Reality - Larry Bossidy

One of those Total Quality Management thingees. No thanks.

Bringing Tuscany Home -- Frances Mayes

As much as I'd love to redecorate the house in "Sensuous Style from the Heart of Italy," it'd probably involve work.

Exporting America - Lou Dobbs

I hate Lou Dobbs.

DVD:

The Poseidon Adventure

Shelley Winters AND cheesy special effects! What's not to love?

Music:

Diane Krall - The Girl In The Other Room

Ehh.

Ashlee Simpson - Autobiography

You've got to be kidding me.

So there you have it. The Giftmixer 3000. Why do I get the impression it's just a random-number generator that points to various items in Borders' remaindered catalog?

Guess who? Three guesses, then you can click here (scroll down about half the page) to find out.

The page is in Portugese, but the names are highlighted and will be familiar.

Eye-yi-yi. Pinched for time, so I'll just direct you to this compendium of year-end Top 10 and Top 100 lists, if you care for those things.

And a Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish readers, assuming I have any. Or if I have any left, after being a day late with this.

Oy vey.

This is probably one of the strangest things you'll see, today, anyway.

You get to tease a small, crudely-made dog while ghostly faces fade in and out in the background. The dog sort of floats around and makes, um, noises.

It has no redeeming value whatsoever -- so naturally, it's perfect for this blog.

This is a Doonesbury strip from a couple of days ago:

I really don't get what Garry Trudeau's angle is here. He's been, as you must know, a tireless -- nay, monotonous -- critic of the Iraq war.

So is he now arguing that claims of massive Iraqi civilian casualties are largely pre-fabbed propaganda?

Can't quarrel with that.

just see what you’ve done
stand or fall I know there
shall be peace in the valley

-- beach boys

This has received limited attention in the media (unsurprisingly, CBC television didn't find it worthy of notice in two successive [and counting] national newscasts), but it's a significant honor for Canada's JTF2.

The Toronto Sun:

CANADA'S top secret commandos were awarded the prestigious U.S. Presidential Unit Citation yesterday for their heroism in rooting out Taliban fighters in Afghanistan. It's only the second time that Canadian soldiers have received the honour.

An undisclosed number of Joint Task Force 2 members travelled to California to receive the battle honour from U.S. President George Bush.

Canadian commandos joined the front lines in the hunt for Taliban and al-Qaida agents in late 2001, scouring caves in Afghanistan's mountains and setting the groundwork for military units such as the Princess Pats.

Steven Jurgutis, spokesman for Defence Minister Bill Graham, said the award recognizes JTF2's courageous fight against terrorists from October 2001 to April 2002.

"They received their citation for their outstanding contribution to multinational special operation forces," Jurgutis said.

'HIGH-RISK MISSIONS'

The citation commends soldiers for successfully completing "high-risk missions," which saw them destroy numerous cave and tunnel complexes as well as several al-Qaida training camps.

"They established benchmark standards of professionalism, tenacity, courage, tactical brilliance and professional excellence while demonstrating superb esprit de corps and maintaining the highest measure of combat readiness," the citation reads.

The citation commends the 100% mission success rate "while operating under extremely difficult and constantly dangerous conditions."

Over the past few years the military has allowed some details of the anti-terrorism unit's accomplishments to leak out, but only after their missions were completed.

Only the 2nd Battalion of the Princess Pats have received the Presidential Unit Citation before. The Princess Pats were honoured for their stand near Kapyong, Korea, in April 1951.

Some 75 Canadian soldiers have received U.S. medals or commendations this year.

Looking at my standing in the 2004 Weblog Awards, it would seem a hopeless cause -- but I'm not ready to throw in the towel just quite yet. I think I'm building momentum.

As a fortune cookie I just opened says, "You are a good closer."

Um, doublecheck that. It says, "You are a good loser."

So what do fortune cookies know, anyway?

I've been thinking that our only hope is in starting an Anybody But Kate movement, where we instruct our voters to vote for one candidate.

The obvious choice would, of course, be me. Why? Because I just told you that it's obvious.

Do I have to spell it out for you?

O.B.V.I.O.U.S.

Sheesh.

I don't know if today is going to be a voting day or not (Kevin at Wizbang says the results will be available Sunday -- in other places he seems to indicate that voting continues through today), but it shouldn't matter much in the larger scheme of things. I'll most likely finish in 10th place, a crushing defeat.

This is what you get when you hire former Kerry advisors to manage your campaign. (Hey, they were willing to work cheap.)

More seriously, I had a lot of fun and I'd like to thank each and every person who voted for me.

Also, congratulations to my fellow competitors and especially to Kate of Small Dead Animals. In the final analysis we are all mere roadkill beneath her mighty wheels.

within the message in blood
marks the years of pain
and your godforsaken ending to life

-- pantera

I was never much of a metal fan, so I'd barely heard of the band Pantera and not at all of guitarist Darrell "Dimebag" Abbott, recently slain in an Ohio nightclub by some deranged moron.

Ace of Spades adds an interesting detail:

"He was a hick with an attitude, and I say that respectfully," said neighbor Jim Evans, 63, a retired computer executive who said he frequently walked dogs with Abbott. "We'd talk conservative politics. He was a big, big supporter of George Bush."

I wonder if this kind of sentiment isn't more common with musicians who actually have to work for their living. Yeah, I'm not talking about you, Bruce. *

(*By "Bruce" I of course mean Springsteen, not Bruce of Autonomous Source, who is not, as far as I know, a musician.

Though I'm sure he would be a fine one if he put his mind to it.)

Game maker Electronic Arts has released a couple of photos showing the graphical detail capable with the next generation Xbox and Playstation, due out probably in time for Christmas 2005. The above shot is from the racing sim Need For Speed.

Here's an even more impressive frame from the upcoming John Madden football game.

Via Fazed

oh the weather outside is frightful
but the fire is so delightful
and since we've no place to go

we might as well play these stupid games.

You'll notice that I just didn't pick just any three stupid games. These are three stupid games that share common thematics. Thus I have achieved dramatic unity.

Or whatever. Enjoy!

It's hard to adequately convey the thrills and chills of snowmobile racing in a computer game. See here for confirmation of that rule.

This is more amusing, but I still say it'd be more authentic with Fred's feet sticking out of the bottom of the sled.

It's not all fun and games, you know. Some people have to work.

the balance is precarious as anyone can tell
this world’s going to hell
don’t allow this mythologic hopeful monster to exact its price

-- bad religion

Via the CBC:

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (AP) - Severe weather caused by global warming can pose greater physical danger to women than men, a Canadian attending a UN conference on climate change said Friday.

"For instance, often women don't know how to swim, so in a flood situation that can lead to a higher instance of death or injury," Angie Daze, a program manager with a Canadian group called Reducing Vulnerability to Climate Change, said.

Oh, for crying out loud. Learn to swim or knit yourself a rowboat or something while you're waiting.

Via Tim Blair

oh, give me the autumn, give me the trees,
gather up everything I ever wanted
and give it to me, please

-- all about eve

Techfocus News & Commentary:

It looks like the MPAA is about to drop the hammer on Bittorrent and eDonkey by cutting users off at the pass.

According to an Associated Press report, the MPAA will begin filing suit against server operators - the folks that bring you Bittorrent "trackers" and eDonkey services.

This does not bode well for sites such as Suprnova, regardless of legality. Napster managed to essentially escape the wrath of the RIAA legally, but was crushed by the legal bills that accompanied their defense. There's nothing to indicate that this situation will be any different.

RIAA? MPAA? Allow me to introduce TinyP2P:

# tinyp2p.py 1.0 (documentation at http://freedom-to-tinker.com/tinyp2p.html)

import sys, os, SimpleXMLRPCServer, xmlrpclib, re, hmac # (C) 2004, E.W. Felten
ar,pw,res = (sys.argv,lambda u:hmac.new(sys.argv[1],u).hexdigest(),re.search)
pxy,xs = (xmlrpclib.ServerProxy,SimpleXMLRPCServer.SimpleXMLRPCServer)
def ls(p=""):return filter(lambda n:(p=="")or res(p,n),os.listdir(os.getcwd()))
if ar[2]!="client": # license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0
myU,prs,srv = ("http://"+ar[3]+":"+ar[4], ar[5:],lambda x:x.serve_forever())
def pr(x=[]): return ([(y in prs) or prs.append(y) for y in x] or 1) and prs
def c(n): return ((lambda f: (f.read(), f.close()))(file(n)))[0]
f=lambda p,n,a:(p==pw(myU))and(((n==0)and pr(a))or((n==1)and [ls(a)])or c(a))
def aug(u): return ((u==myU) and pr()) or pr(pxy(u).f(pw(u),0,pr([myU])))
pr() and [aug(s) for s in aug(pr()[0])]
(lambda sv:sv.register_function(f,"f") or srv(sv))(xs((ar[3],int(ar[4]))))
for url in pxy(ar[3]).f(pw(ar[3]),0,[]):
for fn in filter(lambda n:not n in ls(), (pxy(url).f(pw(url),1,ar[4]))[0]):
(lambda fi:fi.write(pxy(url).f(pw(url),2,fn)) or fi.close())(file(fn,"wc"))

TinyP2P is a functional peer-to-peer file sharing application, written in fifteen lines of code, in the Python programming language. I wrote TinyP2P to illustrate the difficulty of regulating peer-to-peer applications. Peer-to-peer apps can be very simple, and any moderately skilled programmer can write one, so attempts to ban their creation would be fruitless.

It'd be a terrible thing if this code fell into the wrong hands, so I shall publish it here, where there's little danger anyone will see it.

Via boingboing

If this doesn't fill you with Christmas cheer, you haven't had enough beer yet.

Warning: Music.

Via Vodkapundit

down around the corner
a half a mile from here
you see them old trains runnin'
and you watch them disappear

-- doobie brothers

I've never really understood the British hobby of trainspotting. It's one of those enthusiasms like kidney pie that don't travel all that well. (Yes, there are trainspotters in North America and I presume elsewhere, but the heart of the hobby is in the UK.)

For the uninitiated, trainspotters like to photograph and compile statistics on trains -- locomotive numbers, ID numbers on the rolling stock, times, etc.

So these guys obviously love trains. So do I. Just not that much.

You could have worse hobbies. Like this Russian:

. . . a man who has collected all his nail clippings for the last 35 years.

I came across a page, though, that I think sums up trainspotting's appeal quite nicely.

National Review Online has been advertising for an assistant editor, and our boy at The Iraq War Was Wrong Blog jumps at the chance:

WE'RE LOOKING for an assistant editor here at NRO, which is an editing position. Send your resumes/cover letters to me with "assistant editor" in the subject line. Some experience with editing extremely helpful. Desire to edit required.

Sent off one minute ago:

From: "iraqwarwrong"
Subject: assistant editor
To: klopez@nationalreview.com

HEllo KLJ,

I'm believe I now available for you're ``assistant
editor'' job at NRO (Neo-cons). AS the Proprietor of
a bonaphide web blog (TIWWWB) for well over six(6)
months now. The result's are plain to see. I put
ALOT of effort into pain staking process of Editing my
posts for perfection readably and legibility.

For my resumay. I believe a quick (brief) persual
of my websight should suffice (in lieu.) You're are
invited to take a look (yourself) and see my record of
excellent blogging status. URL address link below.

Plucky lad! He's heading straight for the heartland of the enemy, and God only knows how much damage he'll cause there.

Assuming he gets hired, of course -- but how can he fail with an introduction like that?

strut on a line it's discord and rhyme
i howl and i whine I'm after you
mouth is alive all running inside
and I'm hungry like the wolf

-- duran duran

Via Tongue Tied:

An Italian school that substituted a Nativity play with a showing of Little Red Riding Hood in order to avoid offending Muslim students is drawing the ire it deserves from the Vatican and other corners of religious Italy, reports Reuters.

The public elementary school in the northern city of Treviso said that Little Red Riding Hood was a fitting representation of the struggle between good and evil and would not offend Muslim children.

Aside from the part where Little Red Riding Hood is eaten by a large unclean dog-like thing, that is.

So we could rewrite it a bit to cater to multicultural sensitivities: Let's make the wolf a ferocious jihadi, and he's captured Little Red Riding Hood and is about to saw off her head when a handsome young Marine aviator happens along and drops a 2000-pound GBU-24 laser-guided bomb, sending the jihadi to his well-deserved martyrdom.

You see? With just a little thought and effort we can make the Christmas holiday season truly inclusive for all.

Live from the White House, it's the BarneyCam! (If your computer or connection is sluggish, it's more like the BarneySlideShow!)

i get slandered
libeled
i hear words i never heard
in the bible

simon & garfunkel

This is from a website that collects stories about idiotic clients or customers:

I've been cutting a commercial for a large insurance company and it's been like chewing tin foil so.... I got hauled into the boss's office yesterday and he was pissed. My Boss: I just got off the phone with the client and they want a meeting to discuss having you pulled from the project. Me: Why is that? My Boss: She said you've been difficult to work with because you won't give her exactly what she wants. Something about you refusing to put thier URL in the spot at the end because it "can't be done". WTF are you doing?! Me: No, she wants the URL at the end to allow viewers to go directly to the website via the television by clicking on it with the remote. I told her it was impossible because a TV set isn't even connected to the internet let alone not being a browser. Maybe sometime soon, but not right now. She then went on a tirade about how she KNOWS about WebTV and that cable AND satellite both carry the web and that I just don't want to do the work. My Boss: ::*eye twitch*:: WebTV? Sorry, pal. Go back to work I'll fix things. God help us all....

More here.

now jimmy’s grown this year
says mommy quick come here
santa’s sweaty and he smells like beer
and he says, kid shut your mouth
you give me a headache

fountains of wayne

What would Christmas be without heartwarming photos of children frightened by Santa?

Mind you, that Santa is one scary dude, what with his jet powered sled and Laser Deathrays.

He's got a bit of a problem with anger management, too.

Via J-Walk Blog

Stuck with that last minute Christmas purchase for the guy who has everything? I'll bet he doesn't have this.

Yours for cheap on eBay -- the last bid was $5.50 US. It's a 300 MHz Micron Pentium II with a 2GB hard drive, 128 megs of memory, and a new install of Windows 98.

Via Fazed

Assuming I survive the celebrations -- not at all a sure thing -- I should be back on Monday. In the meanwhile, I'd like to thank all of you who drop by here (except for the spammers), and I wish you all (even the spammers) a Merry Christmas.

Or as they say in Pittsburgh, have a Happy Sparkle Season.

Against all the odds, I managed to survive the last weekend.

My computer, alas, didn't. So I've been setting this new one up, which involves an ungodly amount of drive and cable swapping. (One pleasant surprise with Win XP is that it more or less automagically recognizes the drives. For that alone I could kiss Bill Gates. On the lips)

More of the same today and I should be geared up to resume my frenzied blogging schedule by Saturday at the latest. Speaking of which, best of wishes for the New Year to all of you.