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November 2005 Archives

November 1, 2005

She Came In Through The Bathroom Sub-floor

This never happens to me. Damned building codes:

A shocked Russian couple had a narrow escape when a woman in a bath tub came crashing through the ceiling and into the middle of their living room.

Rozalia Valiakhmetova had been relaxing in the bath upstairs when the floor gave way, dropping her and the bath tub into the flat below.woman_in_bathtub

She said: "I had just dozed off and then I heard this huge crash and realised what had happened. The bathroom floor just collapsed under the bath and I came crashing through the ceiling of the people below me.

"They seemed as shocked as I was when they saw me lying there naked in the bath in the middle of their living room."

Most people are unsure about the etiquette of greeting unexpected nude female visitors of the waterborne variety, but it's really quite simple. A tip of your hat and a hearty "Enchanté, Mademoiselle!" is all that's required.

November 2, 2005

The Things You Learn In Sunday School

This video of a Christian pastor recounting the story of Lot gets a bit raunchy. He meant to say "Lot pitched his tents" but it didn't quite come out that way. See? You don't need alcohol to have a good time.

Warning: He gets a bit loud during the segment, so you might want to turn the volume down if at work.

November 3, 2005

Pandora's Aquarium

pandora's aquarium
she dives for shells
with her nautical nuns

tori amos



I have no idea what that's about. Whoever heard of diving for shells? Pearls, yes. Shells? Wait for 'em to wash up on the beach, says me. And what's this "nautical nuns" stuff? The dictionary definition of nautical is: "Of, relating to, or characteristic of ships, shipping, sailors, or navigation on a body of water." That doesn't seem to cover the SCUBA business, unless they were just manning the boat.

But my job here is not to fisk Tori Amos lyrics, no matter how admirable a pursuit that might be. My job here is to provide useless junk for you to clutter up your blóg with, like this free aquarium. Don't have a blóg? Go here, get a free blóg; then go here, select your aquarium from the eight or so on offer; then cut and paste the Javascript code.

Now you have a free blóg with a free aquarium. You can thank me later.

Via Ursi's Blóg

November 4, 2005

Friday Film Fest

Let's go on vacation!

Here's the stretch of beach reserved just for you. See how pristine it is -- not a person on it. I wonder why?

Let's go on a safari! (Note: you'll have to hit the play button on this one.)

Speaking of the local wildlife. (Warning: loud music & sound in next two clips.)

Or you could just stay at home and get the same performance for free.

November 7, 2005

Inside The Pixel Factory

To most people, the inner workings of a computer are mysterious. They have no idea what an enormous task it is to execute even the simplest command.

For example, displaying a 100x100 block of blue pixels typically requires only a line or two of computer code. But behind the scenes it's a blur of activity as the code is broken down into assembly language and the desired object is built, all in the blink of an eye. Here's an animation showing exactly how complex the process is. Warning: music.

November 8, 2005

Doozer Knitting Song

well it's knit one pearl two
what's a doozer gonna do
with a gol-darn
ball of yarn?

the muppets



gusbigYou could knit a mitten
or maybe a pretty hat
or even a copy of
the human digestive tract

Note that I've posted this well in advance of Christmas, so you knitters out there get clacking. More pictures and the pattern here.

November 11, 2005

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public man, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.

W.B. Yeats (1919)

November 14, 2005

Trouble Brewing In The Streets Of Clownville

clowns

November 15, 2005

Taxi Cab

taxicab, taxicab at the light
won’t you take me on a ride
through this city at night

bruce springsteen

This is sort of a variation of Burger King's Subservient Chicken; you get to play a taxi driver throwing his passenger around by steering erratically and braking and accelerating. (You can also press these keys for other reactions: b,n,m,w,e,h,p,s.) Warning: Music and sfx.

It's an ad for Sprint cellphone service. I'm not really clear on the connection between cellphones and maniacal cabbies, but there you have it.

November 16, 2005

Nowhere Man

The Oracle of High River speaks:

WINNIPEG -- Former Tory prime minister Joe Clark says there is no credible future prime minister among the leaders of the three Opposition parties -- Conservative Stephen Harper, the NDP's Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe of the Bloc Quebecois.

Two of those aren't in the running, genius. Don't Maureen's boots need polishing or something?

Via Nealenews

November 17, 2005

The Thief Confesses

remedyDJ-Walk Blog had this picture up today by way of introduction to a site called Strange Dolls. Strange indeed, if not something out of a horror movie. I checked it out, and actually many of the dolls are quite attractive. I tried to download one of the photos, only to find that whoever designed the site disabled right-mouse clicking. When you right-click the message below pops up.

blockclickWhy do people do this? Taking one photograph off a site surely qualifies as fair use, especially since I'm providing information that my readers might find intriguing enough to click through on it. Maybe she'll even make a sale or two -- it's called free advertising.

In any event, defeating right-click blocking is child's play. Here's three or four methods of doing so. As I already had Paint Shop Pro running, I simply screencapped the page, pasted it in and clipped the picture out.

doll1And here it is. Someday you'll thank me for this, Beth Robinson.

November 18, 2005

Friday Film Fest

A couple of weird Russian animations here and here (Warning: music and disturbing imagery). Here's a whole bunch of weird Russian animations. Russians are weird. Or at least Russian animators are.

This seems like a remarkably elaborate (and expensive) way to tell a little story about one of life's minor puzzlements -- how you sometimes see a single, orphaned shoe in the street. I guess money's no object for Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich; Adaptation), who apparently directed it.

November 21, 2005

Jesus Of Suburbia

and there's nothing wrong with me
this is how i'm supposed to be
in a land of make believe
that don't believe in me

green day

jesus1What is it about rock operas? Think of Tommy. A vaguely Christ-like figure who struggles through tribulations and eventually inspires the adoring throngs. Think of Jesus Christ Superstar. A vaguely Christ-like figure who struggles through tribulations and eventually inspires the adoring throngs. Think of Quadrophenia. A vaguely . . . Christ, I'll bet even Pete Townshend himself couldn't tell you what that was all about. Think of Kilroy Was Here, by Styx.

Check that. We won't think of Kilroy Was Here, by Styx. Thank you. Domo arigato. (Nooooooooooooooooo!)

Which brings us to Green Day's American Idiot. A vaguely Christ-like (albeit with more drugs and swearing) figure who struggles against anything you got. He doesn't like war, or Dubya, or consumerism, or the media, or time-share condo deals. (OK, I made that last one up, but he'd probably be against 'em, too.) For those interested in more description than I'm willing to come up with, Wikipedia fleshes it out somewhat. Here's my favorite part: (Emphasis mine.)


Homecoming: Eventually Jesus decides to abandon his St. Jimmy identity, which he had been using as a crutch. In order to abandon his title, Jesus symbolically "kills" St. Jimmy in a personal kind of suicide. (I)

Following St. Jimmy's death, Jesus gets arrested on East 12th St. (II) (East 12th Street is a real location of a police station in Oakland, California, where Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong had to fill out paperwork for his DUI in 2002) . . .

All grist for the mill, eh, Billie?

jesus2So the plot's basically an incoherent mess, but that's not a dealbreaker for me. People don't go to traditional opera to mock the often-goofy libretto -- they go for the singing and music.

And musically speaking, Green Day's at the top of its game here, writing tuneful, punchy anthems with more hooks than a fisherman's tackle box.

"Jesus of Suburbia," the second track on the album, is actually a five-song suite. It's quite big, so I've included a low res link for dial-up users. Broadband here.

Warning: Cigarette smoking! By young people! Also: partial nudity in the service of meaningless, joyless sex; alcohol and drug-related references; violence. But priorities, people, priorities -- cigarettes!

Your Daily Bowling Tip

Relax Thumb, Come Through Ball

Don't try to over lift or turn the ball during the release. It will only cause muscling and misdirection of your arm swing. Instead just relax your thumb and come cleanly through the ball as you release it and follow through, keeping your eyes focused on your target. For a strong release you need good lower body leverage (legs) and you also need to finish up close to the foul line . . .

Above all else, mentally fix your release point and stick to it.

Update: Here's a version with sound.

November 22, 2005

The Empire Strikes Back

I don't know if it's my brain shorting out, or just the sheer volume of material that I pump out on a daily basis, but I had completely forgotten about this post from August 2 of this year, in which I heaped scorn on a godawful Flash ad in support of a Hillary Clinton 2008 presidential run. Like much of my stuff, I crossposted it to Andrew Ian Dodge's Dodgeblogium.

The outraged creator found it a couple of days ago and fired off this missive to Andrew. I hate it when other people get credit for things I've written:

Bruce Yarock here...your criticism of our Hillary cartoon might be interesting if you weren't some anonymous bloghack out in god knows where. The cartoon, and several others, were aired on six major news shows (unlike your fruitcake publication). The cartoon was covered in 185 newspapers around the world. How's that compare to the six or seven "no life" rejects who read your idiotic tripe. By the way, we do not deal with land "in the middle of the Everglades" as your lame attempt at Catskill humor implies. Who the hell ARE you anyway? And what have you done aside from your lame attemts at ridicule? Andrewian dodge? I see that you are an " American expat lving in London". Good. Stay there. You've got the typically Brittish schoolbugger name, so you probably fit in famously over there. Have a nice day.

Andrew forwarded it to me with the suggestion that I might care to engage Mr. Yarock in dialogue. I think not. His withering rebuttal has got me scared and running for cover.

P.S. The ad still stinks.

November 23, 2005

Swedish Meatball

This is apparently a real estate listing. I say apparently because it's in Swedish. That need not concern you, though. Just keep clicking on the pictures until you come to the bathroom. Notice anything odd about it?

Via grow-a-brain

Your Tax Dollars In Action

I guess as a service to Canada Council-funded artists struggling to complete their illustrated novels, the department of Library and Archives Canada maintains a page of literary sound effects:

Cries of pain, suffering, terror, rage, fear etc.: AAAA, AAAAA, AAAAAAA, AAAAAAAAA, AAAAAAAAGHHH, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH, AAAAGGHH, AAAAGH, AAAAHH, AAAARRRRGH, AAAARRRR, AAAG, AAAGG, AAAGGGH, AAAGGGK, AAAGGK, AAAIIEEE, AAAKHH, AAARGHHH, AAIIEEEE, AAIIIEEEEE, AARGH, AARRGH, ARRHH, ARRGGGGG, AARRRRR, AGGAAAAAAA, AGHA, AGHH, AGHHH, AGHHHHHH, AGK, AHH, AHHH, AHHHHHGH, AIEGHH, AKKK, AKKKK, ARGGH, ARRGHH, ARRGHHH, ARRHH, ARRRRRR, EEE-EE-EE, EEEYOWW, EEYAAA, EEYAGH, EEYARGH, EEYARGX, GAA, GARR, GRAAH, HNNNGNN, KHAKK, OOFPH, OW, OWW, OWWW, OWWWW, UGKH, UNNHH, UNNNGHH, UNNNH, UUUUURP, UUUUUUUUUUUUNNN, YAA, YAAA, YAAAAA, YAAAAAAGH, YAAG, YAGGGGHHHHHHHH, YEE-OUCH, YEEAAGK, YEEARGH, YEEEAAAHR, YEEEARGH, YEEOOW, YEOW, YOW, YYYAAHHAAAGGHH, YYYY

Crying sounds: OOOOOO, SOB: see Cries Moaning Wailing

This section was collected by bugging an H&R Block office the evening of April 29.

November 24, 2005

Beauty's Horizons

This post, which I had crossposted at Dodgeblogium drew this reply there and a question that I've been meaning to get around to for awhile. So here goes:

These are primarily Pre-Raphaelite painters, a group who consciously tried to recreate the ideas of the early Renaissance in the mid-to-late Victorian era. To me they are the most beautiful of all paintings, and are specifically what the cubists and fauvists and dadaists of the early twentieth century were reacting against.

Which do you think will survive the judgement of history?

I think there's room for both, but the critics of any particular era tend to be an incestuous pack of herd-followers, incapable of appreciating anything that doesn't fit their narrow view.

What isn't going to survive are the Dadaists of today, who are so eager to negate the idea of art that they've entirely succeeded. At least Duchamp, et. al. seemed to have a sense of humor about what they were up to. A hundred years from now, if it's remembered at all, something like Serrano's "Piss Christ" will be thought of as only a cheap stunt.

Many thanks for the question, Bruce. I'd like to expand on some of these ideas in a post on my blog (I'll most likely crosspost it here, too) but I probably won't have much time to do so until next week.

Bruce responded:

Good. A balanced and thoughtful answer. Now let's rephrase the question. Which will President-For-Life Timur Goering Khan remove to his capitol in Nuevo Cheyenne in the year 2505, A.D., and which will he consign to the flames?

I understand Man Ray. But I know which paintings I'd steal.

He's trying to pin me down, I can tell. Watch me weasel out of this one.

Not knowing much about our hypothetical Pres-for-Life (except that it's refreshing to see a dictator against abortion), I can only speculate that he'd opt for the most valuable pieces.

boywithpipeThe highest price ever paid for a painting (as of May 2004, unless I've missed something more recent) at an auction was $104.1 million for Picasso's Garçon à la pipe (pictured at left). This is misleading, though, in that much of the world's finest art is not and probably never will be for sale. The Louvre had the Mona Lisa appraised for insurance purposes in 1962 prior to a tour of the US and came up with a figure of $100 million; in today's dollars that would be about $630M. You could expect similar or even higher prices for Rembrandt or Michaelangelo (how much would the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel command?).

Our presumptive world dictator isn't going to be concerned about price, but the status of possessing priceless objects will prove irresistible. So I'm guessing that his collection would largely consist of classical/Renaissance pieces -- what he, and the public at large, would consider easily recognizable as "art."

The question is: do these have greater intrinsic value than more abstract work? I would say yes, because they display the artist's utter mastery of his craft. And art without craft remains at best an interesting idea, undeveloped. Now I would argue that artists like Cézanne, Matisse (who, ironically enough, studied under Bouguereau) etc., exhibited similar expertise in rejecting formalism -- it's a debatable point, but I think a strong case can be made for it.

primeracomunionThe painting at right, Primera Comunión, was done by Picasso at the age of 14. The studies of nudes by him in his only year in art school are near photographic in their detail. Whatever else he was, Picasso was no phony; as T.S. Eliot remarked, "You must understand the rules before you can break them."

Modern art is too often an exercise in intellectualism -- more energy is spent in explaining why a particular piece is important than, it seems, was spent in producing it. I'm fully capable of appreciating art non-verbally: if I like the composition and execution, then I like it, with no further explanation necessary.

Enough, or I'll never get this posted. Here's a game that might tickle your antiquated fancies:

Curator Defense is a homebrewed blend of the Real Time Strategy and Puzzle genres. The player must defend his museum from the hordes of modern art that attempt to raid his storeroom in hopes of being put on the main floor. Using an array of unique defensive objects, the player must stun, slow, and eventually defeat each wave of modern art.

curatordefenseUnfortunately, you can't play online -- it's a 55MB download. I'll just link to the main page, as it's offered on 5 different mirrors. Click "Download" on the left side of the screen to get to them.

November 25, 2005

Man On Fire

i'm a man on fire
it's a burning thing
it'll burn on forever

bee gees


I think that that's a metaphor. Anyway, I'm not on fire. These guys are.

Warning: Language in first clip; banners potentially NSFW in second.

Oh, and I'm a day late on this, but to our American friends and neighbours, Happy Thanksgiving!

November 26, 2005

News You Won't Be Seeing On The CBC

Washington Times:

Iraq's Red Crescent relief organization found its own way to mark the Thanksgiving holiday yesterday by announcing that it had sent a $1 million "thank you" donation to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

The sum, transferred by wire on Sunday, amounts to 20 percent of the organization's annual budget.

"I wish we could have a billion dollars to give," Said Hakki, the organization's president, said by telephone from Baghdad. "Even then, it is not enough to show our appreciation for what the U.S. has done for Iraq and is still doing."

The donation was made with the approval of the office of Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari and is thought to mark the first time that Iraq has sent aid to the United States.

Haydar al-Abadi, a senior adviser to the prime minister, said in a separate telephone interview that he was worried that the gesture -- though noble -- could prompt complaints that the money should have been spent on the country's own emergencies.

But Mr. Hakki was adamant.

"Giving thanks is an Iraqi tradition as well as an American one. This is the minimum we could do after the Americans shed their blood in our country, mixing their blood with ours," he said.

Via Nealenews

November 28, 2005

Mission Unaccomplished

Times Online:

VILLAGERS who protested that a new housing estate would �harm the fairies� living in their midst have forced a property company to scrap its building plans and start again.fairy

Marcus Salter, head of Genesis Properties, estimates that the small colony of fairies believed to live beneath a rock in St Fillans, Perthshire, has cost him �15,000. His first notice of the residential sensibilities of the netherworld came as his diggers moved on to a site on the outskirts of the village, which crowns the easterly shore of Loch Earn.

He said: �A neighbour came over shouting, �Don�t move that rock. You�ll kill the fairies�.� The rock protruded from the centre of a gently shelving field, edged by the steep slopes of Dundurn mountain, where in the sixth century the Celtic missionary St Fillan set up camp and attempted to convert the Picts from the pagan darkness of superstition.

I'm thinking that it didn't quite take.

Via Dave Barry

November 29, 2005

Stephen Harper, Call Your Rabbi

I heard Paul Martin in a speech today -- I assume it was to the Liberal caucus, but I'm not sure, and it hasn't turned up on Google yet -- denounce the Tories as "neo-conservatives."

Expect to hear much more of this Liberal talking-point in the days ahead. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's never stopped them before.

The term "neo-conservative" originally described American liberals and socialists, such as Norman Podhoretz and Irving Kristol who became disillusioned with the Left and gravitated towards conservatism under Nixon and especially Reagan.

I don't suppose Martin knows any of this; so I will go with the second, less charitable interpretation: "neo-conservative" has become, in the lexicon of the Left, synonymous
with the word "Jew."

Paul Martin: anti-Semite. Run, run with the meme. It's less dishonest than what he's doing.

A Message From Our Sponsor

OMG! OMG! 2 sw33t 2 b tru! LOL!

Um, that was by way of introducing my first graphical ad, from IMVU, an instant messenging service. Scroll down and you'll see it on the left. I don't care if you're not into instant messenging (is that a real word?). Go to their site and purchase their fine products. That is all.

Thermite Is Our Friend

Guys doing what guys do best: blowing up stuff.

Money quote -- ... because it's old, it's white, but more importantly, because it's French.

Warning: music, sfx, commentary.

November 30, 2005

The Maze

thought i�d finally found the way
but i�m right back where i started
now i�m stuck inside the maze

dokken



glacierI've long been fascinated by mazes and labyrinths, and used to draw quite elaborate ones with thousands of dead ends. This freeware program for Windows can create mazes with billions of twisty little passages. It also supports these creation types:

glacier2

Standard, unicursal, no dead ends, circular, triangular, hexagonal, octagonal, random angles, true random, over-and-under, 3D, 4D, 5D, spirals, arrows, biased passages, long passages, diagonal passages, symmetric, nested fractal, recursive fractal, cubes, word, hypermaze.

The program also features recreations of some famous real mazes, such as the Glacier Maze in Montana, above and at left.

About November 2005

This page contains all entries posted to the blog quebecois in November 2005. They are listed from oldest to newest.

October 2005 is the previous archive.

December 2005 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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