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Board? Bored.

CBC:

Liberal Leader Paul Martin said on Wednesday he's not concerned by what officials in Washington think about his remarks on the campaign trail.

"I am not going to be dictated to as to the subjects I should raise," Martin said at a lumber mill in B.C.

He was responding to comments made by U.S. Ambassador David Wilkins in Ottawa on Tuesday.

Wilkins implicitly rebuked Martin for attacking U.S. policies to score political points, suggesting it could have an effect on the future of the cross-border relationship.

Martin was unapologetic following Wilkins's speech, and came out swinging again on Wednesday. "When it comes to defending Canadian values, when it comes to standing up for Canadian interests, I'm going to call it as I see it," Martin said.

No, you're not defending Canadian "values," unless you count being a moron as among them.

There's a name in business for employees that publically, gratuitously and cynically insult one's biggest customer -- they're called "former employees." Here's hoping we can shortly hang that tag on you.

You're speaking to a bigger audience than you know, Prime Minister. It used to be that Canada-U.S. trade disputes mattered only to Canadians, policy wonks in D.C. and maybe a few U.S. media players close to the border and in the dusty back pages of the Wall Street Journal.

No more. There's this thing called the Internet, and it's spreading your words far and wide. The Drudge Report linked to today's story, and yesterday's; you're not just speaking to your rabidly anti-American base. Hello, Kansas? Toto. Out.

Incidentally, the subject that you seem to be so exercised about -- the softwood lumber dispute -- I doubt you could outline the situation beyond: America bad; Canada good.

Unless you can hack your way through (as of 2001, defunct) verbiage such as (warning: PDF file) this:

softwood

in which case you are a far better woodsman than me. Now as I recall, we've had a couple of NAFTA rulings for us; a couple of WTO rulings against us. Don't tell me what to believe, Prime Minister. Tell me what you believe.

While we're discussing dumb plant material, here's Jack Layton:

Vancouver — Canada should threaten tariffs on oil and gas exports to the United States as a way of dealing with the ongoing softwood lumber battle, NDP leader Jack Layton said Saturday.

I don't think so, Jacko. Let's spread the pain around for a change, shall we? How about a nice stiff export duty -- say, $10,000 per vehicle -- on those cars you like to build in Ontariarario.

Just think how pissed the average American is going to be when he finds out that his new Ford Crapmobile is going to cost a wee bit more to drive off the lot. He'll probably bitch and grumble all the way home, then write a stinging letter to his Congressman.

Yeah, that'll get things moving.

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