the blog quebecois

Apologies to George Orwell for the theft of the title.

I don't usually pay a lot of attention to US Presidents' State Of the Union addresses, being filled as they usually are with empty political blather: We will restore dignity for, um, whatever.

The Democrat response: Gov. Keien? Keeen? Keine? Of Kentucky. If that's the best you can put up: some hack politician nattering on about veterans' benefits that he has no interest or capability of delivering: welcome to the 2006 GOP majority.

Why do we fight?

I hope it's because we elect flawed people who keep their eye on the big picture: GWB on the War On Terror and the Supreme Court; Stephen Harper in the dream that he can somehow turn this shipwreck of a nation around.

Update: I stand corrected. Though I have no real choice, considering the righteous spanking administered by commenter and blogstress marybeth -- a winsome, yet stern daughter of Kentucky, who points out that the forementioned doofus of a Governor hails in fact from Virginia.

Geez. I hope I got the Orwell quote right.

People, people: Please, please observe basic fingernail hygiene. Just the last night I miscut my ring finger on my right hand and I was afflicted with the dreaded "hangnail of death" while I attempted to bring sweet, sweet lovin' to Jessica Alba. Or maybe my pillow. It was such a blur of emotion that I'm not certain exactly what happened.

Ahem. On the odd chance that you're still reading this: Let me save you some dollars and trouble. As you get older and wiser, you will perhaps notice that your toenails have become a calcified mess. I was hoping for talons, but this is what I got.

A pair of "sidecutters" -- (if you don't know the term, consult with any local mechanic or electrician) that you can pick up at Home Depot or Wal-Mart or wherever for $5-10.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

I would recommend full eye protection. Those snip, snip, snips, do tend to fly.

Goodness. Judging by the hoohah, you would think that Stephen Harper slaughtered the Governor General and celebrated Black Mass at his Swearing-in ceremony yesterday.

I refer, of course, to his two infamous Cabinet appointees, Liberal defector David Emerson and Montreal businessman Michael Fortier, via the Senate.

I think the Opposition and their attack dogs in the media should contain their glee just a bit. Harper has acted in consonance with the Constitution and this issue isn't going to resonate with Canadians.

I suspect that they're making the same mistake as their American equivalents did about a certain politician -- what was his name again? Chimpy McHaliburton? -- who time after time somehow comes through the smoke with yet another win, leaving his opponents to unleash even more hysterical attacks against him, with even less effect.

C'mon down, Barbara Boxer!

. . . then where do one-legged women work?

Via grow-a-brain

Apologies for the lack of . . . if individual entries on a blog are called "posts" then should a collection of them be called "postage"? If so, could I use it to mail a letter?

Anyway, I've been having fun doing my taxes, and these are the sort of thoughts that bubble up while contemplating the ineffable mysteries of Schedule 5042 (1A).

Or: If I insult your computer, does that make me a machinist?

Or: Why don't they make air fresheners that smell like stale cigarette smoke and boiled cabbage? You'd think they'd be ideal at masking the real thing.

I'll stop now.

In these tense times, the sensitive lads at Something Awful have been kind enough to put up the Muslim Man Complaint Box: (Warning: Language.)

My child was drawing pictures for school and this is forbidden. What makes the situation worse is that the picture was of our whole family and also blessed Mohammad. It was not a very clear picture of Mohammad and I think his likeness would be considered obscured by the scriptures. Just to be sure I hanged my son and burned his body and then my brothers burned the school and also hanged the teacher. What I want to know is what can be done about the ability to draw? Any child can go about creating blasphemous rendering of Mohammad! This is lightning in the hands of the unprotected. My son is in the afterlife now because of these crayons and "construction" paper, which I say is "destruction" paper. That is a little joke, but I am not laughing. Something must be done.

Via Colby Cosh

Dick Pound, the Canadian head of the World Anti-Doping Agency, has a name that, shall we say, lends itself to some rather unfortunate connotations. Unfortunate, too, is the cover of his new book, listed on Amazon.

I guess it's safe for work. But what were they thinking?

now different feelings come to me, confusion in my mind
a different rhythm, a different mood
is pulling me out of time

sally oldfield

Gizmodo:

The real winner of the games may be Apple, however, as its iPod is getting tons of free exposure to a worldwide audience. Though Apple doesn’t specifically target athletes, Olympians from figure skater Kimmie Meissner to snowboarder Shaun White have been spotted using Apple’s little music device during their runs.

Sounds like a recipe for a broken leg to me -- but as I've noted, I'm not an expert (I just play one on the blogs).

So instead we went to this park where I smoke another cigarette while he digs another hole. I didn’t time it but I think it was about 45 minutes before he finished. He was crying the whole time also and would periodically look up at me and mumble how it was “all his fault”. I said a couple things about how I needed to be getting back but he was oblivious, I just decided to wait it out. Finally he finishes, dumps the raccoon in and stands up, he’s still crying. I light another cigarette and try not to look at him. “Well?” he says. I look up. “SAY SOMETHING!!” he’s crying harder now. So I mutter something about “God please guide this raccoon to your heavenly bosom…” etc, he begins to fill in the whole and who should show up then but two police officers.

A collection of Dates From Hell by (mainly) Chicagoans. It truly is "that toddlin' town."

No, I have no idea what "toddlin'" means, either.

Warning: Language; and if you're at all like me, the danger of laughing out loud at some of them.

Via A Gallimaufry Of Links

Macworld:

Among those inconvenienced by the shortage has been Steve Ballmer, Microsoft�s chief executive officer. Ballmer said last week that his children had yet to get an Xbox 360 because he hadn�t been able to buy one and Sarbanes-Oxley rules prevented him from getting a free console.

�He�s right, he�s a section 16 officer that operates under Sarbanes-Oxley,� said [Microsoft�s home and entertainment division v.p. Peter] Moore. �I can�t give him one, even if I had one, because he can�t accept it and I don�t think he pre-ordered it from our local BestBuy, which he lives pretty close to, so Steve is [out of luck] right now.�

Mind you, this was from Dec. 12 of last year. I think it's probably likely that Ballmer somehow got his hands on one, Sarbanes-Oxley be damned.

Me, no such luck. Future Shop and BestBuy don't anticipate a steady supply of them until the end of the month. This had better have been worth it.

I came across this game a couple of weeks ago. It's a well done Sims-style simulation of a McDonald's franchise. I figured the lawyers would be all over it in a few days, because it isn't sponsored by McDonald's and uses its familiar Golden Arches trademark. Checking out the link earlier today, I thought I'd been proven right, as the page had disappeared.

It turns out, though, that they were just having server trouble. They've set up a temporary page for it here. If or when that closes down, the original link is here.

Update: I've only played it for a few minutes and I first assumed that the game was benign and neutral; browsing the site, I came across statements like:

For decades McDonald�s corporation has been heavily criticized for his negative impact on society and envinronment.There are inevitably some glitches in our activity: rainforest destruction, livelhood losses in the third world, desertification, precarization of working conditions, food poisoning and so on� [The designer is Italian, so his English skills are a bit off.]

And links to reviews like this:

The game requires the player to learn and master all the complex techniques of a big international corporation like McDo. You'll bribe South American officials for the rights to clear rainforests for cattle and soy; you'll plump up cattle with additives; you'll coerce and influence government and scientific interests back home; and you'll manipulate your employees to achieve the highest profits.

So who knows what kind of horrors lurk within the game? Maybe McDonald's lawyers will find more things of interest than a simple trademark violation.

We Make Money Not Art is a very good blog by (mainly) the indefatigable Regine. She covers a wide range of topics, with an emphasis on contemporary, technologically-based art.

As you might expect, she, and much of the art featured, tilts politically to the left. Which doesn't bother me -- if something's interesting, I'll link to it. Sometimes, though, the socialist weenies get a bit overweening (the italicized sentences are quotes from some documents):

Wishing to reintroduce Chechnya to an international audience while reacting to the proliferation of international biennales, the Emergency Biennale has been conceived in a geopolitical context which has become so complex that it seemed urgent and necessary to mobilize the artists. The show is stopping from February 24 to March 12 in Riga, Latvia (after Paris, Brussels, Bolzano, and Milano). A part of the concept involved a call to the artists to create works in a double exemplary likely to fit in a suitcase for Grozny (cared by a local partner), the other one for a touring exhibition around the world. (via e-flux.)

Among the works selected is the Human Rights Memory Stick by Jota Castro: Originally, the idea of this USB memory stick was to allow an easy, discrete and rapid diffusion of confidential and censured information on Chechnya.

(However, before sending this work to Chechnya, we discovered that there was only information on Jota Castro : press releases and articles on his shows, images of his artworks as well as pictures of himself (portraits). We chose not to send it.)

The line ". . . urgent and necessary to mobilize the artists" was funny enough; what really made this special was Jota Castro's touching solicitude for the people of Chechnya.

Castro (no relation to Fidel, as far as I can find) was in his former life a diplomat to the UN and European Union. Somehow this does not surprise me.

The Chronicle Herald:

VANCOUVER (CP) — Like many Liberals, B.C. MPs Hedy Fry and Don Bell were angry that David Emerson decided to become a Tory after being elected as a Liberal in the Jan. 23 federal election.

Both worked hard, along with the former Liberal industry minister, to boost Liberal support in B.C.

Now, Bell and Fry have been given duties that will allow them to politically harass their former associate, now international trade minister in Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s cabinet.

Hmmm. Why does the expression "like being savaged by a dead sheep" come to mind?

u can look but you can’t touch it
if you touch it i'ma start some drama
you don’t want no drama
no, no drama, no, no, no, no drama

black eyed peas

I've delayed linking to this video, not the least of which is because of the vituperative reaction to it. I haven't heard such ridicule since I showed up for the high-school prom with my blow-up date.

But part of being a blogger is having the courage to defend unpopular views, or at least to ban dissenters from the comments section.

It's essentially a novelty song, the sort of thing that gets cooked up when you've got a couple of unbooked studio hours and a wee dram of Drambuie or three.

Besides, has there ever been a more perfect evocation of the sing-songy essence of female passive-aggressive behavior as in the lyrics above? I mean, since Al Gore's last speech?

Having said that -- yes, it is annoying. As a video, though, it's terrific. I was originally going to compare it to a Kabuki dance; mulling it over, I thought this was a more apt comparison:

Noh is a chanted drama, and for that reason, some people have dubbed it Japanese opera. However, the singing in Noh involves a limited tonal range, with lengthy, repetitive passages in a narrow dynamic range. Clearly, melody is not at the center of Noh singing.

That would explain the rather monochromatic focus of the song. I haven't figured out what they did with the masks, though.

Mind you, the Black Eyed Peas usually have interesting things going on musically, and can't help but invest some artistry into even this trifle. Fergie's lovely portamento slide into the male chorus "She's got me spending . . ." I can't replicate the timing in clumsy old HTML, but that slightly off beat "Oooohhh!" sends shivers up my spine. In gratitude for that, Fergie is welcome to come sit on my sofa anytime. Though I might want to lay down some towels beforehand.

Sheesh. You see what's come to pass? You see the efforts I'm going to here to attempt to give this piece of fluff some intellectual heft? Kabuki? No -- Noh! Portamento. It's starting to remind me of an infamous review done when people started to figure out that these Beatles fellows just might be for real:

In December 1963, William Mann, the regular classical music critic of the London Times, wrote Lennon’s “slow, sad song about 'This Boy'... is expressively unusual for its lugubrious music, but harmonically it is one of their most intriguing, with its chains of pandiationic clusters... But harmonic interest is typical of their quicker songs, too, and one gets the impression that they think simultaneously of harmony and melody, so firmly are the major tonic sevenths and ninths built into their tunes, and the flat submediant key switches, so natural [in] the Aeolian cadence at the end of 'Not a second time' (the chord progression which ends Mahler's Song of the Earth).“

Now that's some heavy lifting.

The Beatles, when they heard about it, more or less said: "Huh?"

Any "Aeolian cadence," real or imagined, was more than likely the work of George Martin, their brilliant producer, who was well-grounded in classical theory. You don't imagine that a scrappy Liverpool bar band conjured up the string sections of "Yesterday" or the sweeping orchestration of "She's Leaving Home" out of thin air, do you? (They initially disliked Martin's arrangement of "Yesterday," McCartney in particular complaining that he didn't want it to "end up like Mantovani.")

So to sum up: You think the song sucks. I do too, but I think that the video works splendidly. (Whatever their other merits, the Black Eyed Peas are pretty good comic actors.) Let's agree to disagree and move on to focus our hatred on a band that truly deserves it: Fall Out Boy. Andrew Mathas put together an, er, interpretation of their hit, "Sugar, We're Going Down." (The actual lyrics are here.)

Warning: NSFW. And you might want to lay down a few towels beforehand.