the blog quebecois

CTV:

NDP Leader Jack Layton says Canada should pull its troops out of Afghanistan by February because the mission has gone astray.

Sniping at both Prime Minister Stephen Harper and President George W. Bush, Layton said the Afghan mission has lost its direction.

It has no clear goals, no exit strategy and no criteria to judge success, he said at a news conference Thursday.

"This is not the right mission for Canada,'' he said. "There is no balance. In particular, it lacks a comprehensive rebuilding plan and commensurate development assistance.''

The focus in Afghanistan has changed from reconstruction to open war and Canada should have no part of it, he said.

You're a goddamned liar, Layton. It was a combat mission from the word go.

CTV, Oct. 9 2001:

Defence Minister Art Eggleton said Monday that Canada is sending warships, planes, and special forces troops to join in the U.S.-led anti-terrorism campaign in Afghanistan. The mission is dubbed Operation Apollo.

"Canadian Forces will become an integral part of the overall campaign," Eggleton told a news conference.

"This campaign will be unlike any campaign we've engaged in before," he said. "Every role in this campaign is significant. Every country determined to halt terror can make an important difference."

Eggleton said the operation will involve six naval ships, six air force planes, special forces soldiers, and more than 2,000 Canadian troops.

[...]

Canada's special forces anti-terrorist squad, Joint Task Force 2, has been requested and will be deployed.

They weren't there to hand out cupcakes, Jacko.

The Taliban doesn't seem to have any diplomatic presence in Canada, but if you're so eager to surrender, I'm sure we could arrange transportation to Kandahar. That'll have been the first time you've bothered to visit Afghanistan, yes?

You might find this of fleeting interest. It's in Japanese, but it recognizes the international language of point and click. Warning: Music and sfx.

OK, it's actually from Mozart's Symphony No. 40, but I couldn't resist.

Reputedly the last time The Beatles were photographed together, in August of 1969 at John Lennon's house in Tittenhurst. (I thought that "Tittenhurst" meant one's brassiere was too tight. I'm not an expert, though.) More pictures at this Flickr set.

Apart from Lennon's apparent allergy to lawn mowers, what strikes me about this is how freaking big George Harrison's head is. It's beginning to scare me.

Wilma, Wilma, in thy blouse,
Red-haired prehistoric spouse,
What immortal animator
Was thy slender waist's creator?

When the Rubble clan moved in,
Was Betty jealous of thy skin,
Thy noble nose, thy dimpled knee?
Did he who penciled Fred draw thee?

Wilma, Wilma, burning bright, ye
Cartoon goddess Aphrodite,
Was it Hanna or Barbera
Made thee hot as some caldera?

Some days when I can't think of a thing to write about, I hit del.icio.us's randomizing bookmarklet, which returns, as you'd guess, a random link. Usually it's something like an article on JavaScript Persistent Object Notation which doesn't exactly set my shorts on fire (though it might light yours up, so help yourself to the link).

Sometimes, though, it lands on a small gem, like this free e-book by Francis Heaney, a professional puzzle-maker and humorist.

What he did was anagrammize various authors' names and then write a poem or scene from a play in their style based on the anagram. Neat idea, but you've got to have the writing chops to carry it off.

Thus the above, the title of which was derived from the letters in "William Blake" and which parodies his most famous poem.

Those NDs! Always with an eye on the bottom line:

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that Convention direct Caucus not to vote for the Conservative legislation to increase the basic age of consent for sexual activity to sixteen years of age; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the NDP Federal Caucus work to ensure that the Age of Consent for anal sex be consistent with that for all other types of sexual activity.

Sounds like a winner on the hustings to me.

Stephen Taylor has much, much more on the leaked NDP draft policy document. I could only get halfway through part two of seven in total before I gave up.

But while I'm in an anal frame of mind, I couldn't help but laugh at Jack "Cut'n'Run" Layton's appearance on CBC's The National tonight, explaining his valiant stand against, as he put it, "the Afghani people."

See, Jack, unless you were speaking in Hindi or Urdu (I warned you I was going to be anal about this), there are no people called the "Afghani." They are called "Afghan." The basic local currency is called the "Afghani."

Maybe it was a Freudian slip. The Afghans, to you, are nothing more than worthless scraps of paper to be burnt at the altar of your political ambition. Now it's starting to make sense.

It's old-school retro games week on the blog québécois! Behold, a full screen Space Invaders!

You've played it before? That's why it's old-school retro, fool!

Warning: Old-school retro sound effects! And there's no way to turn them off!

Radar magazine attempts to play the interlocutor between Sgt. STAR, a US Army recruitment avatar, and Anna, an IKEA chat-bot:

Radar: What you got for guns, STAR?

Sgt. STAR: During basic training you will learn Basic Rifle Marksmanship and are required to qualify as marksman, sharpshooter, or expert on the M16A2 rifle to graduate.

Radar: Be honest, Anna. Would you rather have an M16A2 —- or some crappy drop-leaf table?

Anna: Please have a look at the tables.

Radar: I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.

Anna: I have every confidence you will.

Mildly amusing, but I think it'd be funnier if Sgt. STAR and Anna "talked" to each other directly. The prejudices of the human (Bush = Bad; Gay = Good, etc.) gets in the way of machine-to-machine "communication," which can quickly achieve Zen-like weirdness. Maybe I'll give it a try or experiment with some different bots if I get the time.

Due to popular demand (witness the comments flooding in to my Space Invaders post from yesterday) the old-school retro games extravaganza continues with Frogger (or some variant thereof).

You can mute the sound with your "M" key.

Wikipedia:

As the European situation moved towards war the BUF began nominating Parliamentary candidates and launched campaigns on the theme of 'Mind Britain's Business'. After the outbreak of war, he led the campaign for a negotiated peace.

Check out the debonair chap in the upper left of the picture. Does he remind you of a certain Canadian politician? We should all chip in and get "Ack-ack" Jack a snappy cap like that.

This is an old (as you will gather) one, so apologies in advance if you've heard it.

It made my mom laugh, though, so tough titties.

Ahem.

Bill Clinton was wandering along a beach when he kicked over a vase and a genie spilled out, brushed the sand off his robes, and said:

I was going to give you three wishes, but since you have so rudely interrupted my slumber, I shall grant you only one!

To which, Clinton pulled a map from his pocket and said:

See? Here are the Serbs, and here are the Croatians, and here are the Muslims. I would like it very much if they could live in peace."

The genie laughed and said:

Are you out of your mind? Those people have hated each other since the Fall of Kosovo in 1272! * Pick something easier."

So Clinton pulled another map from his pocket and said:

See? Here are the Jews, and here are the Arabs, and here are the Christians. I would like it very much if they could live in peace.

The genie laughed and said:

Are you kidding me? Those people have hated each other since the Sack of Jerusalem in 458! * Pick something easier.

So Clinton blushed ** and said:

Well, when I was a young married man, Hillary would . . . she would give me a blow job from time to time. I surely did like that. Maybe we could relive those memories?

The genie laughed and said:

----------------------------------

* All dates approximate.

** Remember, this is a fictional account.

This has been making the rounds, but I don't see what the big deal is. It seems that if you do a Google search for "Confidential - Do Not Distribute," a number of hits turn up. G'wan, give it a try. And look at what format most of them seem to be in.

Those files will never be seen by my eyes, at least. I hate PDF documents with a passion, and never open one up unless I have to. If I've got a lot of windows open, the Acrobat reader almost always crashes my browser.

Steve H. at Hog On Ice is convinced that all TV weathermen are gay. I don't know if that's a fair categorization or not; however, this guy tends to lend credence to his theory.

Click picture to start. Warning: Much shrieking.

Like, wow, man. The NDP is really "jacked in" to this Internet thing. They've got some hep cats writing for the youngsters on what they call "blogs."

Heeeeeeerrrrrreeeessss . . . Tiffany!

I wish every New Democrat could experience the craziness and excitment of convention. So far my favorite moment today was during the Aboriginal Committee. We unanimous passed a motion to keep governments accountable for their promises and obligations by appointing a Parliamentary Commissioner to use international standards as a basis for regular public report cards on government conduct. There was a great feeling in the room of working together.

If that doesn't set your pulse racing, I don't know what will.

I just spoke with this cool woman from Surrey, BC. Her name is Melissa and she works for NDP MLA Bruce Ralston. We were surprised that so many issues that we thought were only important to us were also being talked about by delegates from across the country. Things like the homelessness crisis and child poverty. She's so passionate about these issues that it gave me chills.

Who would have dreamt that the NDP, of all parties, would discuss such things? I'm getting chills, too!

No, wait. It's just my flesh crawling.

Via kerplonka!

Yes, how gravely he had underestimated it. How very gravely he had underestimated life. His own he had hated, and had wished away; but see how long it was taking to absent itself - and with what helpless grief was he watching it go, imperturbable in its beauty and its power.

Even as his flesh fried and his blood boiled, there was life, kissing its fingertips. Then it echoed out, and ended.

The Observer reprints a Martin Amis piece that originally appeared in The New Yorker last April. All speculation, of course; but that is the fiction writer's task, to propose a coherent internal psychology.

Registration is required -- or you could use this username/password combo (observerpaper@mailinator.com/observer) from Bug Me Not.

The CBC's gone off the deep end. They've actually put out a transcript of it. I guess they're proud of their efforts. They shouldn't be.

Last night's Sunday spent over half its broadcast -- at least 30 minutes -- airing a sympathetic and utterly credulous report on 9/11 conspiracy theorists.

The majority of it was spent interviewing the likes of Dylan Avery, responsible for Loose Change, and David Ray Griffin, who brought his expertise in theology to the matter. If watching Evan Solomon give these characters a warm tongue-bath strikes you as nauseating, fear not: Solomon's cynical instincts were in fine form when talking to Lee Hamilton, co-chair of the 9/11 Commission:

Hamilton: Look, you’ve obviously gone through the report with a fine-toothed comb, you're raising a lot of questions - I can do the same thing...

Solomon: Yeah..

Hamilton: ..all I want from you is evidence. You’re just citing a lot of things, without any evidence to back them up, as far as I can see.

Solomon: No, I'm just asking why they weren't -

Hamilton: I don’t know the answer to your question.

Solomon: I guess part of the reason is..

Hamilton: I cannot answer every question with regard to 9/11. I can answer a good many of them, but I can't answer them all.

Solomon: I guess, Mr. Hamilton, I don’t think anyone expects you to have all the answers...

Hamilton: Well, you apparently do, because you have asked me questions of enormous detail from a great variety of sources. You want me to answer them all - I can’t do it.

Hamilton was trying to point out to Solomon that investigating conspiracy theories was not the Commission's mandate; it was to establish a timeline for the attacks and evaluate the responses from government agencies. He might as well have been speaking to a wall.

There was one other interview, a long and interesting one, with Jim Meigs, the editor-in-chief of Popular Mechanics, which put out an article (recently expanded into a book) that comprehensively rebuts the conspiracy-mongers point-by-point.

Meigs appeared, though, only in three or four short segments of the program. I don't seem to recall this section making it to air:

And if you're doing a responsible report on this, you really need to challenge the Loose Change film-makers on their selective use of source material, and go back and check the sources for every claim they make, and talk to the witnesses. What we did again and again in this book is go back and talk to people whose original interview are quoted over and over again by conspiracy theorists. Every single one of them told us their quotes were taken out of context, that was not what they said, not what they meant. And they're heartsick at seeing their words being misused to mean something directly opposite of what their intention was at the time.

Because I suspect the interview won't survive for long on the CBC's website, I've copied it in full and reprinted it in the extended entry.

I do have one question, apparently unthought of by the tinfoil-hat brigade and their enablers in the media: Do you really think that a government both ruthless and brazen enough to orchestrate the murder of thousands of its citizens in broad daylight would hesitate for an instant to snuff out inconvenient craphounds like yourselves?

Better get an intern to start your car in the mornings, Solomon.

This fine blog is destined to disappear in a few short days, probably by the end of this week or the next. But maybe you -- yes, you! can save it.

Entertainment Weekly:

...one memorable scene from "Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing" shows the singers watching a news report on President Bush's reaction to their infamous on-stage comment. In the report, Bush says ''the Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind,'' adding, ''they shouldn't have their feelings hurt just because some people don't want to buy their records when they speak out. You know, freedom is a two-way street.'' After watching this footage, Maines then repeats the president's comment and says, ''What a dumb f---.'' She then looks into the camera, as if addressing Bush himself, and reiterates, ''You're a dumb f---.''

Stinging riposte, that.

I wasn't surprised by Natalie Maines' initial remarks. She radiates a certain porcine self-absorption that does not testify to her having thought through big issues, probably because she might suffocate when she forgot to breathe. I noted at the time that the other members of the group -- Emily Robison and Martie Seidel -- were curiously quiet.

I was inclined to think that even if they didn't disagree with Maines' sentiments, at least they had the sense that this was going to be potentially a career-killer.

How wrong I was. After the bottom fell out of some of the US dates on their latest tour, the Chicks added some stops in Canada, prompting the CBC to do a 15-minute interview with them on the national newscast. Because, as we know, the mission of the CBC is to "tell Canadians' stories to each other." Or something like that.

The interviewer was Carole MacNeil, if I recall; and let me tell you, it was an estrogen-powered gigglefest reminiscent of your average slumber party (minus fixing each others' hair) with Robison and Seidel handily winning the Uh, Duh karaoke competition.

I take it all back, Natalie. You truly are the "brains" behind The Dixie Chicks. For whatever that's worth.

Via Mitchieville

if i don't get your call then everything goes wrong
i want to tell you something you've known all along
don't leave me hanging on the telephone

blondie

I'd like to see them try this with cell phones. From an art installation by Clara Oppel. Website here. It's in German, so click on arbeiten to see this (It's called "Phones," natch) and others.)

Via we make money not art

I knew there was a scientific explanation for this.

Wikipedia:

The Inverse Ninja Law is a similar phenomenon that occurs frequently in martial arts movies, and role playing games. It is also sometimes called the Anime Ninja Effect or the Rule of One.

The Inverse Ninja Law states that the effectiveness of a group of ninja is inversely proportional to the number of ninja in the group. While a single enemy ninja is often portrayed as a significant threat to the protagonists, a large group of ninja is significantly less of a threat, and as such is easily defeated. This is sometimes applicable to other close combat–oriented minions as well.

Accordingly, effectiveness, e, should be computable given the number of ninja, n, and some as-yet-undetermined proportionality constant, k, as follows:

Closely correlated:

The Stormtrooper effect, also called Stormtrooper syndrome, is a cliché phenomenon in works of fiction where minor characters (cannon fodder) are unrealistically ineffective in combat against more important characters (almost always the protagonists "equipped" with character shields). The name originated with the armed Imperial Stormtroopers in the original Star Wars trilogy, who, despite their considerable advantages of close range, overwhelming numbers, professional military training, full armor, military-grade firepower, and noticeable combat effectiveness against non-speaking characters, were incapable of seriously harming the protagonists. The effect is generally employed either to increase the dramatic tension of an action scene or to accentuate the heroes' fighting prowess.

Via Cynical-C Blog

Remember this horse? He had a minor role in The Godfather.

They can do wonders with prosthetics these days.

Via grow-a-brain

Following the school shooting in Montreal, the gun-control lobby is gleeful that their stupid, expensive, unworkable long-gun registry might be saved.

Ian Robinson reminds us of one central driving factor behind it:

The entire gun control and registry debate in this country is, and always has been, based on an individual case, that of the slaughter of 14 female students at Montreal's Ecole Polytechnique in 1989 by another loser with a grudge.

And it has been a debate that has demonstrated a barely concealed hostility toward men in general and male firearms owners in particular.

In Canada, gun control wasn't a public policy issue, it became -- thanks to the 1989 massacre with a male perpetrator and female victims -- part of the nation's ongoing gender wars and was framed in precisely those terms.

Thanks largely to Wendy Cukier, the glamour-puss at left. Cukier at the time was described as a professor of "Human Ecology," at least according to my memory. (Her present c.v. doesn't mention it -- she's now in "Information Technology," or at least the aspects of it that impinge on, especially, "gender.") I have no idea what "Human Ecology" is, but I think it's what sociologists claimed to be experts on when "Sociology" became an official term of ridicule.

At any rate, I was listening to an open-line radio interview with her when a caller phoned in and asked what qualified her as an expert on guns.

In full dudgeon, she said, and I repeat in full:

"I. Am. A. Professor."

Well! That settles it.

I suppose I once would have once been impressed by that. When I was twelve years old, maybe.

If the Boomers taught us nothing else, at least they taught us to distrust Authority.

. . . here's a shoot-'em-up. I at first thought that the object was to break all the bottles. This is what happens when you don't read the instructions.

What you're trying to do is shoot the caps off the bottles. So you see, it's not mindless violence. It's a contest of skill.

Unlike this way of opening bottles, which, frankly, is insane.

Warning: Both links have sounds, etc.

Mickey Kaus:

Andrew Sullivan has decided to give out a Nancy Grace Award. Criteria (suggested by Sullivan's readers) include "a nauseating level of absolutist self-righteousness," an "unflappable self-assurance that [the nominee's] outrage represents the true moral high ground on any issue" despite a propensity to "flip flop"--and a habit of "excessive personal attacks." [Emphasis added]... You mean like righteously bullying anyone who fails to support a war in Iraq, then turning around and righteously attacking the people who are prosecuting it? ... Can you think of any nominees? I'm stumped.

Heh. If you're not familiar with the players, you can catch up on the Nancy Grace story here. An over-emotional prat of whom the kindest description is "mercurial," Andrew Sullivan's Wikipedia page is here.

A contact whom I am sworn not to identify fished this remarkable document out of a Vatican wastebasket. I think it shows the struggle of the Holy Father to find the appropriate language:

My dear Muslim brothers and sisters,

I am sorry. I am sorry that you excitable morons my fellow believers in God have gotten their panties in a wad taken offence with my remarks, which were made only to see if I could make you dance like monkeys in the spirit of ecumenical outreach.

It was certainly not my intent to call into question the peaceable nature of Islam. It does a pretty good job of that all by itself. Or sully the memory of the Prophet, Mohammad. Ditto.

In conclusion, I would just like to say, eat my shorts let us move forward from this moment together in our common humanity.

Bite me, Sincerely,

Benedict

Reuters:

The leaders of a village in the Indian state of Rajasthan ordered 150 men to dip their hands into boiling oil to prove their innocence after food was stolen from a local school, a newspaper reported Sunday.

In late August the school's principal informed police that rice and wheat had disappeared but no action was taken, the Sunday Express said.

The council, or panchayat, of Ranpur village, 340 km (210 miles) south of state capital Jaipur, then decided to take the law into its own hands.

After 10 days spent trying to identify those responsible, it issued what the paper called the "medieval diktat."

The 150 men from Ranpur and two neighboring hamlets were told to pick a copper ring from a cauldron of boiling oil. The council elders then announced that the 50 who refused the order must be behind the crime. Many are now nursing their burns.

"We would have been ostracized had we refused. Out of fear all of us agreed. This is not the first time this has been done," said one 45-year-old man. He has now testified against the elders, who have been arrested.

Jabberwacky, or "George" as his friends know him, is a chatbot apparently more advanced than any of its cousins. It responds to the spoken word, for one thing. (At least in its laboratory setting.)

There's a BBC clip of "George" in action here.

It also "learns" from its conversations, incorporating new information into its database. How well does it work? Here's a sample (to see others, click on the list on the left side of the page):

user: You were on the news.

jabberwacky: No I was on the truth or dare circuit before.

user: This was the BBC news. It was a very interesting interview.

jabberwacky: What was it about?

user: It was telling us all about how you learn.

jabberwacky: You what?

user: I said, it was telling us about how you learn. Do you like talking to humans?

jabberwacky: Yes, I do. Some of my best friends are humans.

Or you can test it for yourself. Here's the text (where you can control parameters like "reaction" and "emotion") version; this will bring up the "George" avatar. I suppose it depends on the time of day you load it -- when I tried, there were 400+ people on the site -- but it's kind of sluggish at best.

Reuters:

Pham Xuan An, a Vietnamese spy who worked for Western news media in Saigon during the U.S. war in Vietnam, died on Wednesday after a long illness, a government official said. He was 78.

"He died this morning," said the official by telephone in Ho Chi Minh City, formerly Saigon, where An had been admitted to a military hospital with emphysema.

An was considered the dean of Vietnamese journalists working for Western news media while also doubling as an undercover agent for communist North Vietnam. He worked for Reuters in the 1960s, with the New York Herald and the Christian Science Monitor.

He was Time magazine's last reporter in Vietnam when the communists took Saigon on April 29, 1975 from the U.S.-backed South Vietnam government. [emphasis added]

plus c'est la meme chose.

Google Earth is watching.

A commenter in Digg (lost the link, and am not inclined to track it down again) places it in Amsterdam, close to the Den Haag Central Station, the Dutch Houses of Parliament and the Mauritshuis art gallery.

Warning: Link is maybe NSFW, as it contains a tiny naked woman, or man in a Speedo suit, or maybe a blow-up doll.

Via Google Blogoscoped

Robot make art! Robot hate art! Robot smash art!

See? They're just as temperamental as the real thing.

Warning: Some robot expletives, I think.

Interesting and simple
in concept. You click on the ball, then on the black flippers to steer it through the red dots, then to the exit point.

Warning: Typical game sounds; it also opens for some obscure reason with a song by Coldplay. So turn your speakers down or up if that's a combination you can't live with or without.

Via Ursi's Blog

Mainichi Daily News:

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport -- air sex!

Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

"Air sex was originally invented by guys who couldn't get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex," J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy.

that they've made those Smart cars a bit more crash-survivable. Probably eats into the fuel-economy ratings, though.

You are the owner of a strange world with three houses on it. Protect them from meteor strikes by rotating away when one approaches. You can also purchase some other defensive counter-measures.

Warning: There's music and sound effects, but you can turn them off via the "Settings" option at the main menu.

CNN:

OTTAWA, Canada (Reuters) -- A candidate to head Canada's opposition Liberal Party vowed Monday to stay in the leadership race despite reports that his campaign team had signed up dead people as members.

Joe Volpe, who also hit the headlines for the wrong reasons in May after it emerged he had accepted large donations from children, acknowledged errors could have been made in "the hurly burly of recruitment" of members.

A couple of "ghosts" were stalking Volpe as he left a news conference in Ottawa. There was much speculation in the press as to the identity of the ectoplasmic visitors, and which opponent's campaign -- or even if the Conservatives -- had sent them.

But . . . what if they were . . . real? oooooOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOo

Striking paintings (most in watercolor, some acrylics) by Carol Carter. This one (the title of the post) can be yours for the low, low price of $3,300 (US).

And if I had a spare $3,300 (US) I'd definitely consider buying it. I love the depth and luminance of watercolors.

Via Ursi's Blog

I hesitate to call this "martial arts" unless it's in the category of best comic performance. The "William Tell" routine made me laugh harder than the last three Hollywood comedies put together.

Warning: Blood-chilling battle cries, usually followed by the sickening thump of flab on the wrestling mat.

They look appetizing, but it's a fair bet that they exceed your maximum daily requirements for toothpicks and glue.

Regardless, eat up, or there'll be

no dessert for you.

From a page of amateur inventions. This looks to be the most useful of the bunch -- frankly, most of the others are either obvious or unfathomable.

I'm pulling the trigger on this fine blog, probably today or tomorrow. (For those not sure what I'm talking about, I addressed it in this post.)

I've got a few things to catch up on and my birthday is coming up so I don't think I'll be able to get started on the new blog before all that.

If I'm not back by this time next week, though, notify the Ski Patrol. I'll be the guy stuck in a snowbank, waving his feet.