the blog quebecois

I couldn't embed this -- the embed button seems to be broken -- so you'll have to go here to pay your respects. It's a well-known website and everything was SFW the last time I looked. Warning: Excessive "awww" factor.

Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What's the matter?

Colleen Carroll Campbell:

Once again belying its stated purpose of "promotion and protection of human rights around the globe," the United Nations Human Rights Council passed a resolution last week straight out of George Orwell's dystopian novel "1984." The measure, sponsored by Pakistan on behalf of a group of Islamic states, employs Western-style references to "diversity," "interfaith harmony" and "tolerance" in defense of a decidedly intolerant objective: a global ban on criticism of religion — specifically, criticism of Islam.

"Islam is frequently and wrongly associated with human rights violations and terrorism," states the resolution, the brainchild of the powerful 57-member Organization of the Islamic Conference. One of the main culprits in this "Islamophobia," the measure says, is "the print, audio-visual and electronic media." The solution: Governments must "combat defamation of religions," including "stereotyping of religions, their adherents and sacred persons."

Not surprisingly, Canada, Chile and the European Union nations that sit on the Human Rights Council opposed this resolution, which they recognized as a thinly veiled attempt to legitimize the anti-blasphemy laws that theocratic Muslim regimes use to squelch dissent and persecute religious minorities. Indeed, it was hard for the measure's supporters to argue otherwise, given that Islam was the only religion specifically mentioned in the resolution and the list of nations backing the measure could, with a few exceptions, double as a who's who of human-rights violators

Oooh! Lemme try! Lemme try!

a) Fuck Islam.
b) Fuck Allah.
c) Fuck Muhammad.
c) (i) And the horse he rode in on.

Oh, and I nearly forgot:

d) Fuck the U.N.

Missed it by ---><--- that much! Maybe if I tried a different font size?

It is a bit of a dump though. No, check that. More like a toxic waste site waiting for Superfund cleanup.

View from the stage at CBGB, the legendary New York punk/New Wave club that served as the launching pad for acts like the Ramones, Blondie and the Talking Heads.

Virtual tour starts in the women's bathroom. Use the buttons at the bottom or click on the purple arrows to navigate. Or take a trip down Memory Lane with the MeFi gang, a surprising number of whom have been there as patrons or performers.

Stunning photography in The Bahamas. (Go here and click on "Underwater" to see the rest of the series.)

Warning: Sound, and people getting shot in the face. Duh.

I ran across this photo a few days ago and knew it could have come from only one place. I was right:

I love that someone - either the customer or the decorator - felt that "sexual harassment" needed to be illustrated. And I realize that the decorator can't be expected to be Picasso or anything, but check out how far the girl's feet are off the ground. Either that was the Spank Heard 'Round the World, or she's on an invisible step while Chuckles there digs for gold.

that we haven't anticipated this very situation:

Topic 357 - Tax Information for Parents of Kidnapped Children

You may claim a kidnapped child as your dependent if the following requirements are met:

The child must be presumed by law enforcement to have been kidnapped by someone who is not a member of your family or a member of the child's family, and

The child had, for the taxable year in which the kidnapping occurred, the same principal place of abode as the taxpayer for more than one-half of the portion of such year before the date of kidnapping.

If both of these requirements are met, the child may meet the requirements for purposes of determining:

The dependency exemption

The child tax credit, and

Head of household or qualifying widow(er) with dependent child filing status.

This tax treatment will cease to apply as of your first tax year beginning after the calendar year in which either there is a determination that the child is dead or the child would have reached age 18, whichever occurs first.

No word on who gets to deduct the ransom.

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking.

The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."

The guy bought the bird and took it home. Next day, the guy was back in the pet store to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.

The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that the bird STILL hadn't said one word. This time the shop owner scratched his head and said, "You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he'd have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that. Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed.

Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot. The parrot was dead.

"What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?" asked the pet store owner.

Cracked:

If you’re not already convinced this book was a terrible idea, try reciting the title at a cocktail party and see if you don’t get beat down. And while the book’s answer to the question is actually “we should ALL care about disabled people,” the people it considers “disabled” include fat kids, kids who huff paint, alcoholics, athletes and child prodigies (you know, because they’re so lonely). Maybe I’m not as tolerant as I could be, but the day I see a drunken, paint-huffing basketball prodigy park in a handicapped spot is the day I get arrested for vehicular manslaughter.

Baby, baby
Stick your head in gravy
Wash it out with bubble gum
and send it to the Navy

Not sure what the Navy would do with a head encrusted with gravy and bubblegum, but I suppose they could turn it into some sort of bio-weapon. Other schoolyard rhymes from around the world (with all the childish vulgarity that you'd expect) here.

At last, somebody`s figured out what to do with those ugly windows security grilles. They do indeed look like Fender amps. Alas, not one of the more iconic variety, more like a Frontman practice amp.

Japanese Human Slip-n-Slide - Watch more Funny Videos

iI don't know what the prizes are for these Japanese game shows -- but really, who cares? The process is its own reward, one might say.

Beats arm-wrestling that old coot Bob Barker for a washing machine, anyway.

Don't Ram the Boobs - Watch more Funny Videos