In one of the most head-slappingly moronic moves in history, the national embarrassment that is the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council has ruled that Dire Straits' 1985 song Money for Nothing can no longer be played in its original form in Canada -- because one person in Newfoundland was offended over its use of a word that starts with F, rhymes with maggot and refers to gay men.Never mind that the song is more than 25 years old and has been played countless times. Never mind that the supposedly offensive word is as old as the hills, and used regularly on TV, in books and movies, and by pretty much every kid on the planet.
And never mind that even the most cursory examination of the lyrics -- a jab at the vapidity of music videos, as seen through the eyes of a joe-sixpack character -- makes it obvious to anyone without a head injury that Mark Knopfler is using the term in question humourously and ironically.
I heard Charles Adler`s interview this afternoon with the idiot running the CBSC, Ron Cohen. Weep that we are ruled by men such as these. (Kathy Shaidle should be along shortly to confirm that Cohen is, in fact, far too stupid to be an actual Jew.)
I think what we have here is a failure to appreciate the unique culture of Newfoundland. I`ve taken the liberty of writing a lyric that our complainant might find more congenial. Take the title of this post and add these lines to it:
I's the b'y who'll blow ya
I's the b'y with the great big cock
My friends all call me "Liza"
Trouble is I can`t make it scan without sounding like Bob Dylan on Quaaludes . . . waitaminute! "Newfie" works quite well. Witness:
That little Newfie with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy, that's his own hair
That little Newfie's got his own jet airplane
That little Newfie he's a millionaire
Just claim it's about Danny Williams if anyone raises a fuss.
You can have this one for free; but work with me, work with me here, Mark. Together we'll have your back-catalog cleaned up to Canadian standards in no time flat.
Like "Down To The Waterline." (I think I can work the "I's the b'y" stuff into that somewhere.)
And let's face it, it's only a matter of time until Allah and the Islamists (which, now that I think about it, would be a Pretty Good Name For A Rock Band, if you're interested in getting together) discover "Sultans Of Swing" to their usual utterly predictable outrage.