the blog quebecois

So I had this song with one terrible lyric. Being too lazy to sit down and fix it, I tried the familiar tactic of appending on fragments from other (also kinda iffy in the lyrics department) songs. Trouble with that -- like adding negative numbers together, it's hard to get to the positive side of the scale.

However, musically speaking, it wasn't bad. This demo featured my rarely-showcased (because they're mostly non-existent -- I found that it helps to have a drum machine thumping along in the background) drumming skills. I also contributed a guitar solo that contains no more than 17.5% flubbed notes. And I improvised some tasty "Woo-woos!" over the outro (a fancy word used to describe the closing chords).

Previous: Come A Day

Walter Russell Mead:

But if “Climate of Denial” doesn’t teach us how environmentalists can have more success, it does help us understand what’s wrong with [former VP Al] Gore. The essay begins with one of his earliest childhood memories when young Master Gore (as southern boys from the better white families were then still addressed) was taken to a professional wrestling match at the Fork River Elementary School gym in Elmswood, Tennessee.

The boy was perplexed: the wrestlers seemed to be really fighting, but the whole thing somehow seemed scripted. Worse, the referees weren’t doing their jobs. When the bad guys hit the good guys with a metal chair, the referees were somehow not paying attention, but when, as Gore puts it, “the good guy — after absorbing more abuse and unfairness than any person could tolerate — committed the slightest infraction, the referee was all over him.”

Toronto Sun:

An Ontario man will be back in court Tuesday to challenge nudity laws and argue that it is his right to be naked in public.

Brian Coldin of Bracebridge, Ont., was charged with public nudity after police say he went into a local Tim Hortons and an A&W in his birthday suit in May 2009. The trial has been ongoing, but now Coldin's lawyers will argue that the nudity laws in section 174 of the Criminal Code are too broad and unconstitutional.

His lawyers said that, even if they win their client's case, public indecency laws would still apply to those acting inappropriately while nude, but it would be up to the discretion of the police. Sunbathing nude, for instance, would be allowed. An Ontario man will be back in court Tuesday to challenge nudity laws and argue that it is his right to be naked in public.

Brian Coldin of Bracebridge, Ont., was charged with public nudity after police say he went into a local Tim Hortons and an A&W in his birthday suit in May 2009. The trial has been ongoing, but now Coldin's lawyers will argue that the nudity laws in section 174 of the Criminal Code are too broad and unconstitutional.

His lawyers said that, even if they win their client's case, public indecency laws would still apply to those acting inappropriately while nude, but it would be up to the discretion of the police. Sunbathing nude, for instance, would be allowed.

I can state for the record that I have absolutely no desire to see this Ontario creep naked. And that goes for the guy beside Ruby, too.

I don't know if Jack "The Ainu Assaulter" Layton swings that way, but it's probably worth a try. I understand he's quite the fan of "manly handshakes," of the firm and vigorous variety.

“The Stanley Cup is a pillar of the trophy community, working tirelessly for over 45-years to make a positive difference,” said event organizer Kenneth Hegland, who relayed an anecdote about how hockey’s most prestigious trophy only needed to spend 15 minutes with the FedEx Cup before golf’s season-ending award became much less insecure about its various cognitive and emotional disabilities. “While the volunteer efforts are impressive, what is truly inspiring is the encouragement and hope the Stanley Cup has given thousands of developmentally handicapped trophies throughout the world.”

The main lyrics were still a mess, but we had a better idea for what we wanted the guitars to do. And the chorus was pretty well locked in.

Now, I just have to figure out exactly what I meant by the title. Thirty years on, and I still have no idea.

Previous: Rock Justice

Ugh. Extensive dental work today, more tomorrow and maybe again on Wednesday. This leaves reduced time for roaming the Internet -- but I've long anticipated this problem, and have designed and constructed and stocked a Strategeric Joek Reserve, precisely for situations such as this. Herewith, the first offering:

Warning: Language.

A man is speeding to work one day when a state trooper pulls him over.

Trooper: Son, where were you going in such a hurry?

Man: I apologize officer, it's my first day on my new job as a rectum stretcher and I'm late.

Trooper (stunned): What for Pete's sake is a rectum stretcher?

Man: Well it's actually self-explanatory. We take small objects, insert them into the subject's rectum and gradually insert larger objects until the rectum is six feet in diameter.

MIRROR.CO.UK:

Al-Qaeda fanatics in Britain are being taught to avoid detection – by pretending to be gay.

A new terror training manual tells Islamic extremists to lie about their sexuality if a woman approaches them in case she is a “honeytrap” spy sent by security services.

The handbook, which was uncovered by a Sunday Mirror ­investigation, says: “Many hotels – especially in busy UK cities – have women hanging around the lobby areas in order to attract men.

“A young beautiful woman may come and talk to you. The first thing you do to protect yourself from such a ­situation is to make dua (prayers) to Allah for ­steadfastness.

“The second thing is to find an excuse to get away from her that is realistic and sensible, such as you having a girlfriend for the past few years and you are loyal to her or you are ­homosexual.”

A little bit light in the sandals then, eh, Mohomo?

(To spare readers the trouble of looking it up, the Arabic word in the title is "goats.")

I got nothin'. Well, I do have this picture of Jennifer Lopez, on a rock, in what appears to be a dress made from Meccano strips. Just the sort of casual wear that American housewives and/or solar collection panels want for those languorous poolside afternoons.

True, you'll need some special kind of wrench to unlock the good bits; you'll be reassured to know that I routinely carry most popular sizes of both the Imperial and metric variety on my belt should the happy occurrence arise.

The story, such as it is, here.

What this desperately needed was another verse, or at least a bridge of some sort. I couldn't puzzle out what the heck it should be though; so I contented myself with adding short bass runs to the end of the twelve-bar segments. The song after all, was written to fit the main bass riff, so I figured a few additions to it would surely stir the creative juices.

Nope. (Though I do like the additional phrasing.)

Previous: Fire In The Waxworks

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

Big Peace:

The category of gender was canceled at one of Swedish kindergartens. The words “boy” and “girl” are no longer used there, while pronouns “he” and “she” were replaced with “it”. Kindergarten teachers believe that they are successfully breaking the gender stereotypes so that the people of two sexes would not feel predominant towards each other. Experts say, though, that such seeming equality may lead to the genetic rebirth of the population and to the decline of human civilization.

Not “he” or “she”, but “it.”

The bizarre mission is taking place in the Swedish preschool called “Egalia.” In this kindergarten, pronouns ‘han’ (he) and ‘hon’ (she) were replaced with genderless ‘hen’.

“We use the word “Hen” for example when a doctor, police, electrician or plumber or such is coming to the kindergarten,” said school director Lotta Rajalin (52). “We don’t know if it’s a he or a she so we just say ‘Hen is coming around 2pm.’ Then the children can imagine both a man or a woman. This widens their view.”

The Swedish teachers of “Egalia” are widening the children’s view in a very strange way. For example, fairy-tales about Cinderella and Snow White are no longer allowed at that school. The teachers apparently believe that such stories tell children what gender inequality may lead to. Instead, they read books about two male giraffes who were very concerned about their inability to become parents until they found an abandoned crocodile egg. All other books at school are about same-sex families, single parents and orphans.”

Well, it seems clear that male (hey, isn't that gender stereotyping?) giraffes are at least as bright as Swedish kindergarden teachers.

I understand that they (the giraffes, not the teachers) have been invited by Queers Against Israeli Apartheid to march in the next Pride parade.

Assuming they still have legs, of course.

Red State:

In 1998, a reporter at the Cincinnati Enquirer, Michael Gallagher, wrote an 18 page exposé on Chiquita Brands International and its corporate goings on in Central America. The report sourced phone calls leaked to the newspaper.

In fact, Gallagher had illegally tapped into Chiquita’s phone system.

In 2010, NBC’s parent company General Electric paid a $23.5 million settlement to the SEC on allegations that its subsidiaries bribed Iraqi officials to win UN contracts.

In neither case was Gannett, the parent of the Cincinnati Enquirer, or GE hauled before Congress with its CEO sworn in to answer questions about their conduct.

In neither case did media sensationalize what was going on.

But things are different with Rupert Murdoch. Why? Because he is amazingly successful and many other media properties unwilling or unable to compete would rather destroy him than innovate ahead of him.

The story of what News of the World did is news and it is bad and it should be punished. But the level of piling on with no evidence against Murdoch or even his son, James, is astounding. They are being tried in the court of public opinion solely because of their last name.

But beyond that, critics in the United States are using the situation as an excuse to go after the Wall Street Journal, Fox News, and other Murdoch properties. There are no allegations of wrong doings at those other properties, but their competitors just can’t help themselves.

As reprehensibly as some of Murdoch's employees behaved, at least they were in pursuit of real -- if sleazy -- stories.

Compare and contrast some of "quality" journalism's bright young stars (until they were found out), like Janet Cooke or Stephen Glass. (Or for other examples, google Dan Rather or Jayson Blair.)

These people weren't chasing pathetic B-listers like Hugh Grant; they were fabricating stories out of whole cloth that conveniently fit their political biases and prejudices like a glove. They utterly betrayed their readers/listeners' trust. That's a far greater crime than anything Fleet Street's hacks have come up with.

Via Jack's Newswatch

This was our first attempt at playing this together. It had metamorphed (or possibly metastasized) from quasi-funk instrumental breaks into quasi-classical instrumental breaks with one of the guitars (probably mine) just a wee bit out of tune (I can hear my cousin desperately bending strings to try to match my pitch).

It nevertheless was perhaps the finest example of a quasi-classical instrumental break with one of the guitars just a wee bit out of tune recorded in Canada that year.

Modesty restrains me from claiming it as the finest example of a quasi-classical instrumental break with one of the guitars (probably mine) just a wee bit out of tune of all time; all the same, I can't think of another example of a fine quasi-classical instrumental break with one of the guitars (probably mine) just a wee bit out of tune. Can you?

Bonus! I remembered all the words this time!

Previous I Loved Only You

"Another piece of tarte au sol, Madame?"

Reuters:

British consumers have a nasty habit of serving their dinner guests food that has been dropped on the floor or past the recommended date for its sale and consumption, a new survey showed on Friday.

The poll of 2,000 British consumers, commissioned by Italian pasta brand Giovanni Rana, found 15 percent of respondents admitted to serving "floor pie," food that had fallen on the floor, and 10 percent knowingly made a feast for guests using off-food or goods well past their sell-by date.

And 13 percent said they had accidentally poisoned themselves and their guests with their cooking.

Some of the accidental poisoning could be attributed to the five percent of people who admitted defrosting food using alternative heating appliances, including an iron, hairdryer and sun bed.

The study also found men to be marginally more experimental in the kitchen than [wo]men, 26 percent versus 24 percent. But the male experimentation comes at a cost, with 27 percent managing to set their kitchen or house on fire while on cooking duty and a further 21 percent admitting to having singed their eyebrows or burnt off some hair in the process.

And "J'ai brûlé mes sourcils" has a certain "je ne sais quoi," no?

Big Peace:

Furthermore, the draft is the perfect way to make the general public bear the consequences of its decisions. (After all, as liberals / libertarians constantly remind us anytime we render any minor question about the wisdom of their decisions; the civilian population is in charge of the Armed Forces.) Gallup reported that 67% of the American people supported repealing morality from the Armed Forces (and for the sake of this column we’ll assume that is accurate). Therefore, let’s reinstitute the draft and grab a little slice of America from every demographic possible and then let them deal with their decision to sodomize the Armed Forces. (And women should be included in the draft, of course. After all, if society wants women to be “equal,” then they need to be equal in all aspects.)

Just think of the diversity! Think of the restaurants! Think of the firefights!

Actually I suspect that Democrats would be as successful at those as they are at running the country, but let's keep looking for the positive:

Think of the funerals!

From xkcd

A song about cults and the psychology driving people into them, inspired by the1978 Jonestown Massacre. At the time I -- we generally -- had no idea about cults, save for a vague awareness about groups like the Hare Krishnas and the Moonies, who were looked upon as weird, but largely harmless.

Jim Jones certainly changed that. I'm not sure exactly what kind of a "Reverend" he was, but he must have had a degree from the Al Sharpton School of Theology. Of more interest to me were his extensive ties to the Democrat Party:

Unlike other figures considered as cult leaders, Jones enjoyed public support and contact with some of the highest level politicians in the United States. For example, Jones met with Vice Presidential Candidate Walter Mondale and Rosalynn Carter several times.[11] Governor Jerry Brown, Lieutenant Governor Mervyn Dymally, and Assemblyman Willie Brown, among others, attended a large testimonial dinner in honor of Jones in September 1976.[12]

Ah, yes, Democrats, in thrall as always to "human rights" fraudsters and "community organizers. "

Speaking of which, I certainly hope that Obama's got a more benign exit strategy than Jones.