There's a bizarre assumption that if you can make your child's name unique, the child will be unique. And that's NEVER the case. Chances are, if you name your kid Braxlee, he or she is gonna end up bent over the sink in the back of a TGI Friday's, offering tail in exchange for a better skim off the tip pool.
But people are stupid and happily ignore this fact. You would think that baby names have reached their apex of ludicrousness. But you would be wrong. Oh, dear reader, you would be so, so wrong. Americans are somehow getting even worse at naming children, and they show no signs of correcting themselves. You think that Jayden is the bottom of the barrel? My friend, I combed through this survey and found names that would confuse and terrify you. I can't even list them all here, because your brain would die. Instead, I've picked just a few representative choices, to show you the tip of the preppy white moron iceberg. BEHOLD: