the blog quebecois

The Smew:

EDMONTON, AB—Attempts to alert his owner, Lenora Claret, to his general disgust over his treatment via carefully-planned vomiting seem to have completely backfired on Marco the cat today.

"The plan should have come off flawlessly," Marco told reporters. "I made sure to vomit in front of her, so she couldn't assume that she'd simply missed an old hairball, and always on items she seemed to love, like the afghan the late husband use to sleep under, or inside the only shoes she ever seems to wear. Places that would scream 'screw you, bitch, two can play this game' to anyone with eyes in her head, or who would prefer not to be covered in vomit."