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Probably Satire, Though The Part "Six hours later . . ." Certainly Seems Plausible

The Daily Mash:

UNSIGHTLY wind turbines have attacked a school near Swindon, leaving a trail of dismembered corpses in their wake.

The so-called renewable energy devices went on the rampage after they were struck by lightning during an electrical storm, causing them to become animated with a malevolent lust for human blood.

Local resident Nikki Hollis said: “I dropped my kids off at school when suddenly there was screaming. Looking up, I saw about fifteen wind turbines hopping over the horizon, their blades dripping with red.

“Anyone in their path was being stomped or cut to ribbons. The turbines were making a high-pitched whirring sound which I believe was their hellish laughter.

“It seemed that they really wanted the children. Perhaps because their blood is fresher.

“We crowded the kids into the school hall, barricading the doors and windows. Unfortunately the headmistress Mrs Gerving was too old and slow, probably, so we left her outside.

“I remember seeing her spleen bounce off the window. Thankfully she was a spinster, so no-one will mourn her death.


“Six hours later police marksmen arrived and shot the turbines in their motors.

“I’m not against renewable energy per se, but I’ll never forget emerging from that school and seeing the playground sprayed with slivers of human meat.”

Following the incident, residents feel vindicated in their initial opposition to the turbines, which was ignored by the local council.

Post office manager Tom Logan said: “We always felt those things would kill if they could. More importantly, they’re ugly.

“We shall be having a meeting about this next Thursday at the scout hut, and have invited a photographer from the local paper. It’s really just so that everyone knows we were right.”


Comments (1)

old white guy:

i like it. funny stuff. during the recent cold snap i happened to be driving along king st in kingston ontario. across the lake one can see the wind mills on wolfe island. every single one was shut down. the province is charging taxpayer millions for these eyesores and there they were, not generating one lousy volt of electricity. there is nothing green about green energy.

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