Entries from the blog quebecois tagged with 'humour'
Ninja Pets
They are simultanously nowhere and . . . everywhere. Animated .GIF via b3ta...
A Rose By Any Other Name
A few years ago I mused how unlikely it was that a well-known Islamic terrorist group would take its name from a pig's hindquarters. It now seems that Hamas has caught up with my logic, and is taking a serious...
Joek
A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, "I wanna join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"...
Fairness, Idealism And Other Atrocities
P.J. O'Rourke: Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you're thinking: "Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!" But not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech. Don't moan. I'm...
Meditations Upon Pac-Man
10:06:18 AM Fletch: do we assume Pac's GI tract is reg'lar? Getting enuf dietery fiber? 10:06:22 AM Owen: this is for mature, healthy, nonsmoking male pac-adult 10:06:30 AM Fletch: that's the only way the word 'mature' ever gets into this...
The 30 Most Ill-Conceived Movie Monsters
A Photoshop contest from Cracked featuring unfortunate choices for movie baduns. Warning: Language and some images NSFW....
Snapshots of Impending Doom
GorillaSushi does valuable interpretive (i.e., fabricates from whole cloth) work analyzing the thoughts of the spectators in this photo. Also: It isn't always just ballplayers flying into the stands. Warning: Language at both links....
The 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys
We're not saying we know everything there is to know about sex, though we have spent a lot of time, uh, reading about it. But in none of our experience have we happened upon a case when bagging someone...
There Is A Certain . . .
How do you say it . . . tension between the anchorman (a dead ringer for The Simpsons' Kent Brockman) and the reporter in this clip from a New York FOX affiliate. It is subtle, but alert viewers may be...
Truth In Banner Ads
Cracked recently ran a Photoshop contest, soliciting honest banner ads from readers. Warning: Language, and some nudity (you have to click through to see it, though). Also check out their new theme, Inappropriate Children's Books. (Some content NSFW.)...
The 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational 80s Songs
Cracked: This song was written in that small window of the '80s when a blue collar steelworker from New Jersey with a terminal case of hockey hair could write songs about being a cowboy and be taken seriously. It was...
Weird Science
Photographs allegedly from school science projects. I say "allegedly" because some of them are so dumb (the project at left is titled "Crystal Meth -- Friend or Foe?") that I have difficulty believing that any teacher or advisor would give...
Small Live Animal
Kate had this up on her site a few days ago, a so-called "screen cleaner.". Now it doesn't appear anywhere on the front page, though if you go to the original address, it still turns up. What is it that...
Riddle Me This
Ananova: An eight-year-old boy had to be freed by firefighters after getting stuck in a pair of handcuffs he found in his mum's bedroom. Firefighters took the schoolboy to Copnor Fire Station in Portsmouth, Hampshire, to be freed with industrial...
The Woman: it is also Person!
3 Quarks Daily The Democrats have now only two candidates who stand to chance against this powerful phalanx: Barack Obama, senator of City Chicago and nephew of Saddam Hussein; and Hillary Rodham Clinton, organizer of popular solidarity-building women's breakfasts for...
Joek
On a recent visit to Cuba, Vladimir Putin found that most Cubans' shoes have holes in them, and so he asked Fidel, "Oye chico, how is this possible after 40 years of 'progress'?" Annoyed, Fidel answers, "And what about Russia?...
Poo Christmas
Yes, that's a gun that fires teddy bears. Although crime is rare in Japan, when it happens, it is absolutely hilarious. If you're running short on Christmas present ideas, Cracked looks at the 25 Most Baffling Toys From Around The...
Like Snowflakes -- No Two Alike
Chicago Tribune: "It's kind of like Grandma's recipe," he observed. "A pinch of this, two shakes of that. You kind of know when it's right." Update: Crap. The paper has moved the story into a firewalled archive, so I registered...
Joek
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas in order to get into heaven." The...
Born To Be Wild
sheboyganpress.com: The case against a Sheboygan man accused of abducting a 17-year-old Oshkosh girl was dismissed this week after the teen admitted she lied about her two-week disappearance. Angelina Lor initially claimed that You'll have to read the rest of...
Medical Misadventures
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on...
Na-Na-Na-Nano
What? What? I just see a cute iPod. You see other things, that's your problem, homo. A Rorschach moment from the lads at b3ta...
Push-Up Preston
Hawkin's Bazaar: A curious clockwork, muscle bound beach hunk. Arms pump and head turns with a realistic push-up action. A suitable joke for girls that like guys to be in shape! 12cm Features Beach hunk, 12cm Does press ups In...
Internet And CNN Bon Vivant Brian Sack . . .
. . . gets in touch with his inner Cookie Monster: SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK COUNTY OF NEW YORK ----------------------------------------X BRIAN SACK AKA DAD PLAINTIFF VS. SESAME PLACE DEFENDANT ----------------------------------------X Plaintiff, complaining as he does about...
Give It To Mikey, He'll Eat ANYthing
This cheese is a delicacy in Sardinia, where it is illegal. That's right. It is illegal in the only place where people actually want to eat it. If this does not communicate a very clear message, perhaps the larvae...
Joek
A guy walks into the street and manages to hail a taxi just as it's passing by. He hops into the taxi, and the cabby says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabby: "Frank. Frank Feldman. He's...
Caesarians Next Door
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Sexual Geography
The Geography of a Woman: Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia: Half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a...
So I Sing A Song Of Love . . .
Wired: Jhannet Sejas, 19, pleaded guilty last week in Arlington County General District Court to one misdemeanor count of filming a motion picture in a movie house owned by Regal Cinemas. The statute, like the 37 others nationwide sponsored by...
The Perils Of Idiom
It loses something in the translation: My bone of contention is that people will stand on the street outside pubs, shops and restaurants and everyone is fagging out in the road....
A Man Of His Word
The Smoking Gun: Meet Carlton Davis. The Minnesota man, 26, is facing felony charges for allegedly stealing a cell phone and purse from a woman he mugged on a St. Paul street early Saturday morning. According to police, after the...
Possible Breakthrough In Iraq?
Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty: "At this point -- with 95 percent of the American public hopelessly lost in his video address -- bin Laden the anticapitalist unveils the only solution that could possibly alienate the remaining 5 percent: religion. Your...
Ghastronomy
I was home from school sick one day, and was getting hungry, so I started some ramen. I had a headache at the time, and came up with the bright idea of advil ramen. I figured, "I like ramen, and...
So, They Found Him In A 'Pool of Bud'?
Ok, ok, but I had no choice. That (pun? joke?) has been ricocheting around in my head the last couple of weeks, with me thinking that I'd never have a chance to use it. Then this. Call it kismet,...
Joek
An old southern Baptist country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and...
Truth In Advertising
I thought this was a photoshop, but I wasn't sure until I spotted the Worth1000 watermark. I went to the site but couldn't find the specific competition....
Terrible Techie Tales
I hate running across these things, because I find them hilarious. I'll vow to only read one or two, and then it's back to more productive work. Fat chance: I asked him if it had been exposed to water, and...
Signs You Might Be Trapped In A Romantic Sex Comedy
If Hugh Grant arrives, do not attempt to compete with him -- you are no match for his British accent and awkward, fumbling charm. Should Tom Green appear, leave the area immediately. You want no part in anything that follows...
If It's On The Internet, It Must Be True
Sensing a market opportunity, Net Nanny, makers of Net Nanny filtering software, announced this week it will introduce NetNarrow, an English-only product that automatically filters out content that appears to be international. Specifically, the software looks for world datelines and...
Simpson Family Values
Vanity Fair: "The Simpsons is the bane of our existence," says Matt Stone, co-creator of South Park with Trey Parker. "They have done so many parodies, tackled so many subjects. 'Simpsons did it!' is a very familiar refrain in our...
Mama Always Liked Him The Best
Via Diffusio...
Mmmmmm, 'Rain Magic'
PAGANS have pledged to perform "rain magic" to wash away cartoon character Homer Simpson who was painted next to their famous fertility symbol - the Cerne Abbas giant. The 17th century chalk outline of the naked, sexually aroused, club-wielding giant...
Coco-butt
Trinidad & Tobago Express [emphasis mine]: SURGERY was performed on Sunday to remove a coconut from the body of a man who was sodomised with the fruit during an attack by a gang of men. Ste Madeleine police are now...
Our Employees Thank You
from the depths of their long-suffering ears. Via grow-a-brain...
Airtoons
As a public service, I present these air safety tips. Now you don't have to feel guilty about ignoring the stupid pantomime show that the stewardesses flight attendants put on before takeoff. Like it's going to save your life...
The Ratings Always Drop Twice
They say dames are like flowers. Maybe they’re right. Nice to look at, fun to smell, covered in complicated reproductive do-dads. But brother, get too close and you’ll also find out that they have thorns. And bees. And enough pollen...
Steve, Don't Eat It!
To put it simply, this is the devil's bacon. Even a healthy dose of bread, mayo, lettuce and tomato couldn't come close to masking the evil. The bitter nastiness literally got worse with every chew, and I was overcome by...
Technically Correct
but he didn't show his work, so no points, I guess. More exam smart-assitude here....
I've Got No Dog
in this fight: Anti-Syrian Lebanese minister Ahmad Fatfat said Friday he sued a television news anchor after she made unwitting remarks on air that he could be the next politician to be killed. While covering the bomb blast that killed...
House Fire Caught On Google Earth!
Actually, it was faked by the satirical website The Onion. But given the breadth of coverage by Google Earth, it would be statistically improbable that it wouldn't find something, somewhere, on fire. Next time I hear that satellite going...
Nietzsche Family Circus
This is probably one of those ideas that was funnier in the conception than in the flesh; it's still worth a few giggles anyway. It takes a random quote from Friedrich Nietzche and marries it with a random Family Circus...
I Am Sure
that there's a perfectly innocent and reasonable explanation for this: What it might be entirely escapes me, though. Other puzzling moments in comic book art here....
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes
Humor by Simon Rich in The New Yorker, about how children perceive the adult world: Mr. President! Did you hear about Woodstock? Woo -- Woodstock? What in God’s name is that? Apparently, young people hate the war so much they’re...
Swedish Homo
Hey, don't take my word for it. Via grow-a-brain...
Crude (And We Do Mean Crude) Sex Pictures
The crowd at Something Awful uncork their mad MS Paint skillz on the Kama Sutra (or some approximation thereof). Warning: Mostly tame (and some are nearly-impossible to decipher), but NSFW. Also, if you find yourself being, um, aroused by any...
Psst, iRan? Have I Got A Deal For You
I recently got an iPod, which meant that I had to iInstall iTunes so that I could load my iMusic (iPromise, I'll iStop doing this iSoon) onto it, or at least that subset of same which iTunes deems acceptable. Apart...
The Button-Down Mind Of Brit Hume *
One of the few TV shows that I make an effort to catch is FOX News Sunday. If I'm busy I'll record it and watch it later. The interviews are first-rate but what really makes it great is its roundtable...
Pray For Global Warming
lest we be overrun with fearsome creatures like this. It's actually an ice sculpture. Really. (Full page view here.) The source had no information as to where or when it was constructed, but this New York Times article (reg. required)...
Every Picture Tells A Story
A guide to interpreting photos on social-networking site Friendster. I would think that it's also applicable to MySpace, Facebook, etc. Some truths are universal....
The Top Ten Phrases
Michael Ignatieff considered before settling on 'just a sideshow' to describe the relatives of Canadian 9/11 victims: 1. fame addicts 2. a freak show 3. Islamophobes 4. pity whores 5. Canadian Idol wanna-bees 6. a travelling carnival of grief 7....
Joek
Via normblog: Woman in a supermarket searches out the manager. Woman: I can't find the broccoli. Manager: Madam, I'm afraid we don't have any broccoli. W: Do you have any dried broccoli? M: No, sorry, no dried broccoli either. W:...
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