the blog quebecois

A Teamster on vacation in Las Vegas decided to check out the brothels.

At the first he went to he inquired of the madam: "Madam, is this house a union shop or non-union?"

She replied: "We are non-union. 80% of the profits are paid to management, leaving only 20% to the workers."

Disgusted, the Teamster went on to the next establishment and inquired of the madam: "Madam, is this house a union shop or non-union?

She replied: "We are a union shop. 20% of the profits are paid to management, leaving 80% to the workers."

"Excellent!" the Teamster cried. Pointing out a particularly curvacious blonde, he threw his money down on the table and shouted, "I want to buy the night with that woman!"

The madam, as she gathered up the money, said, "I'm sure you would, but --"

She jerked her thumb at a pathetic 85-year-old woman cowering in the corner.

"You get Agnes. She's got seniority."

Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up-- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good he'll go out to the alley with some guys and makes love with them for money"

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Johnny aside to ask him, "is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "he plays for the Boston Red Sox, but I was too embarrassed to say so."

Via Dean Esmay:

My friend Kyle recently told me this joke. Warning: it's a little vulgar.

A pirate walks into a bar. Oddly enough, he has a steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants.

He waddles uncomfortably up to the bar and orders a beer. Everyone is kind of looking at him. The bartender serves him his beer, and says, "Excuse me sir, I can't help but ask. I notice you have a steering wheel stuck there in front of you. Isn't that kind of uncomfortable?"

The pirate says:

-----

"Arrrh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

NASA has released a shocking, uncensored tape. It's not work-safe: the language is quite raw, but that's quite understandable, given the seriousness of the moment. You can listen to it here . (Via Burchismo.)

What with the tense situation in the Middle East, it seems appropriate to deploy the latest in Pandajoke™ technology:

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and reads:

Panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

Via Anil Dash

Because I can't think of anything else to write about, here's an old joke.

A widow in Texas needed a ranch hand, and hired a homosexual man.

She was dubious at first, but he turned out to be a terrific worker, rising before dawn every day of the week to wrestle cows or herd tumbleweed or whatever it is that ranch hands do.

One night the widow got lonely and went into town to do a bit of drinking.

She stumbled through the bunkhouse door at 3 A.M. and grabbed her gay caballero by the nuts.

"Take off my blouse," she slurred.

He took off her blouse.

"Take off my pants," she snarled.

He took off her pants.

"Take off my brassiere," she growled.

He took off her brassiere.

"Take off my panties," she purred.

He took off her panties.

She gave him a smoldering glance.

Via Vodkapundit:

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets horrible sunburn.

He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.

He was already starting to blister and in agony.

The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"

Question: How many bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answers: One to change the light bulb and to post the fact that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

There's more here.

Via The Presurfer

Via G'day Mate!

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tim?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

Old joke, so I apologize if you've heard it -- but, hey, I got nothin' tonight.

A travelling salesman has a car breakdown and makes his way to a farmer's house.

The farmer asks him if he'd like something to drink, and hollers: "Hey, Princess!"

And a pig with only one hind leg comes hopping out of the kitchen and hands the salesman a perfectly mixed martini.

Later on, the farmer asks the salesman if he'd like to listen to some music, and hollers: "Hey, Princess!"

And the pig comes hopping out of the kitchen, sits down at the piano and flawlessly plays an exquisite Chopin étude.

The salesman finally leans over to the farmer and says, "That's quite a remarkable pig you've got there."

The farmer nods and says, "Ay-yup."

"I am curious, though. How did Princess lose her hind leg? An accident of some sort?"

The farmer didn't speak for a long time, and then drawled:

"Weyalll, when you've got a pig that talented, it'd be kind of a shame to eat it all at once."

The government of Canada decided to consult its aboriginal people on ways to reverse the country's slide to banana republic status among nations.

Chief Two Eagles was asked by one official:

"You have observed the white man in Canada for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong in Canada?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied ....

Mosey on over to I Am (Also) Canadian for the rest. Here's my money-back guarantee: If you don't find the punch line deeply, searingly hilarious, the exemplar of hard-hitting humor; then feel free to yell at him in his comments section.

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, �I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and immediately took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife dirtbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk. So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!�

He retaliated by yelling, �Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!�

. . . then where do one-legged women work?

Via grow-a-brain

This is awful, but I don't make them up. John Podhoretz of The Corner does.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

This is an old (as you will gather) one, so apologies in advance if you've heard it.

It made my mom laugh, though, so tough titties.

Ahem.

Bill Clinton was wandering along a beach when he kicked over a vase and a genie spilled out, brushed the sand off his robes, and said:

I was going to give you three wishes, but since you have so rudely interrupted my slumber, I shall grant you only one!

To which, Clinton pulled a map from his pocket and said:

See? Here are the Serbs, and here are the Croatians, and here are the Muslims. I would like it very much if they could live in peace."

The genie laughed and said:

Are you out of your mind? Those people have hated each other since the Fall of Kosovo in 1272! * Pick something easier."

So Clinton pulled another map from his pocket and said:

See? Here are the Jews, and here are the Arabs, and here are the Christians. I would like it very much if they could live in peace.

The genie laughed and said:

Are you kidding me? Those people have hated each other since the Sack of Jerusalem in 458! * Pick something easier.

So Clinton blushed ** and said:

Well, when I was a young married man, Hillary would . . . she would give me a blow job from time to time. I surely did like that. Maybe we could relive those memories?

The genie laughed and said:

----------------------------------

* All dates approximate.

** Remember, this is a fictional account.

There seems to be a minor cottage industry developing in David Beckham jokes. Here are a couple I've recently run across.

Posh Spice and David Beckham are sitting in front of the TV watching the six o'clock news. The headline feature is a man who is threatening to jump off a suspension bridge onto the busy road below.

Posh turns to Beckham and says "Dave, I bet you $10,000 that he jumps." He replies "$10,000! You're on!" The pair shake on it and continue watching the commotion on the TV. Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.

Beckham takes 10 grand out of his pocket and gives it to Posh. "I can't take that from you, Dave," she says. "I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news earlier so I knew what was going to happen. I can't accept that money."

Beckham replies, "No, babe. The money is yours fair and square. I was cheating too. I just didn't think he would do it again."

-----------------------------------------

David runs into the living room, very excited. He's finally completed the jigsaw puzzle that he started 40 days ago. Posh asks him if that's a good time. David says, "Absolutely! The cover of the box says 3-6 years!"

From the few interviews I've seen of him, he doesn't strike me as unintelligent; these are probably driven more by fiscal and social envy.

Via normblog:

Woman in a supermarket searches out the manager.

Woman: I can't find the broccoli.
Manager: Madam, I'm afraid we don't have any broccoli.
W: Do you have any dried broccoli?
M: No, sorry, no dried broccoli either.
W: How about tinned broccoli?
M: No, we're clean out of broccoli. I'm really sorry. You could try again tomorrow.
W: So you don't have any bottled broccoli then?
M: Madam, we have no broccoli of any kind. But look around the store; maybe something else will do.
W: Hmmm... it's disappointing. I did want to get broccoli.

The woman goes off to look for other purchases. The manager let's out a long breath, tries to remember what he was doing when interrupted, and when he does, resumes it. About 10 minutes later, the same customer is back.

W: Do you, by any chance, have stewed broccoli?
M: No, Madam, it's like I said before: we just have no broccoli.
W: Curried broccoli?
M: Nope.
W: Oh...

And off she goes. But after a short spell, she's tapping the manager on the shoulder again.

Warning: Language

A guy walks into the street and manages to hail a taxi just as it's passing by. He hops into the taxi, and the cabby says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabby: "Frank. Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right, all the time. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank each and every single time."

Passenger: "Yeah, but there are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabby: "Not over Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was just one amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabby: "Oh, there's more. He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabby: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. Never."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabby: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, his shoes highly polished -- like mirrors, they were. Frank was the Perfect Man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabby: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

On a recent visit to Cuba, Vladimir Putin found that most Cubans' shoes have holes in them, and so he asked Fidel, "Oye chico, how is this possible after 40 years of 'progress'?"

Annoyed, Fidel answers, "And what about Russia? Have you done any better?"

Putin says, "Ombe, when you want I'll invite you to Russia and if you find a single person with ripped-up shoes you have permission to kill him. No problems."

They got on Putin's plane and went to Russia. As soon as Fidel got off the plane, the first thing he saw was someone whose shoes were all ripped up, and so he grabbed his pistol and BOOM! killed him.

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!' My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking.

The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."

The guy bought the bird and took it home. Next day, the guy was back in the pet store to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.

The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that the bird STILL hadn't said one word. This time the shop owner scratched his head and said, "You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he'd have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that. Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed.

Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot. The parrot was dead.

"What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?" asked the pet store owner.

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Texans are waiting.

"Entschuldigen Sie mich, Sie zu tun sprechen Deutsches?" he asks. The two Texans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi pour vous faire parlent français?" The two continue to stare.

"parli italiano?" No response.

"¿los di usted habla español?" Still nothing.

So he has a final try: "Tatakalamaani bil arabiyya?"

The Swiss man drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Texan turns to the second and says, "You know Bubba, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million
dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth
writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"

The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.

His winning one-liner was: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

The award was judged by eight comedy critics, whose shortlist of 24 jokes went forward to a public vote.

The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:

Also the 10 least funny. Some of the entries are UK-specific, but you should be able to get most of them.

Busy, busy, busy tonight. But I'm still thinking of you, which is why this powerful* joke is presented for your delectation:

(*YMMV)

My friend bought a dog from a blacksmith --

...

Reddit:

From a fabliaux by Jean de Condé, paraphrased from Barbara Tuchman's A Distant Mirror.

Queen: Sir, have you fathered any children?

Knight: No my lady, I have not.

Queen: Indeed, you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when he held her in his arms, for your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places. I do not doubt your word, for it is easy to judge from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good.

Knight: Lady, answer me without deceit, is there any hair between your legs?

So there's this beach where people love to camp because of frequent dolphin sightings. One day Homeland Security hears terrorist chatter of a possible bomb threat against the campers and dolphins because their carefree hijinks epitomize the Freedom that the terrorists are forever attacking.

An officer is dispatched to the beach to issue a warning. "Is this threat directed against all of us?" a camper asks.

A Teamster on vacation in Las Vegas decided to check out the brothels.

At the first he went to he inquired of the madam: "Madam, is this house a union shop or non-union?"

She replied: "We are non-union. 80% of the profits are paid to management, leaving only 20% to the workers."

Disgusted, the Teamster went on to the next establishment and inquired of the madam: "Madam, is this house a union shop or non-union?

She replied: "We are a union shop. 20% of the profits are paid to management, leaving 80% to the workers."

"Excellent!" the Teamster cried. Pointing out a particularly curvacious blonde, he threw his money down on the table and shouted, "I want to buy the night with that woman!"

The madam, as she gathered up the money, said, "I'm sure you would, but --"

Ugh. Extensive dental work today, more tomorrow and maybe again on Wednesday. This leaves reduced time for roaming the Internet -- but I've long anticipated this problem, and have designed and constructed and stocked a Strategeric Joek Reserve, precisely for situations such as this. Herewith, the first offering:

Warning: Language.

A man is speeding to work one day when a state trooper pulls him over.

Trooper: Son, where were you going in such a hurry?

Man: I apologize officer, it's my first day on my new job as a rectum stretcher and I'm late.

Trooper (stunned): What for Pete's sake is a rectum stretcher?

Man: Well it's actually self-explanatory. We take small objects, insert them into the subject's rectum and gradually insert larger objects until the rectum is six feet in diameter.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

Then a voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard."'

The judge continues, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."

Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard."

The judge says, "Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! What is the problem?"

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the
cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where
Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest
to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and
heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's
Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth
Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the
magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...
the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realisation of what was happening dawned on the
magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had
gathered in the cemetary,

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

sweasel.com:

Okay, but here’s the spooky bit:

Cook said when she told Obama she loved him, he
responded: “Thank you.”

Thank you?! Oh, I understand there are times when saying “I
love you, too” is a commitment too far, but I can think of a dozen
ways to say that that aren’t quite so…malignantly narcissistic. Phew.

-------------------------------------------------

Scrolling down a few posts, we come to one titled "Barack Obama's Big
Stick!," in which a commenter tells this joke:

Joey and Barry find themselves in the men’s room taking a leak at
adjacent urinals. Joey looks down and says, “Wow, looks like what they
say about black men is true. Do all you bros have such big ones?”

Barry replies, “Yowza, but we’re not all born this way.”

“What? Really? How do the, uh, disadvantaged ones get big?”

“Well,” says Barry, “It’s a secret passed around only among my people.”

“Tell me, tell me!” pleads Joey. “As you can see I need to know!”

“OK. Seeing as how you’re my veep, I’ll tell you how. At night when
you go to bed, tie a string around it, tie the other end to a brick,
and let the brick hang down off the end of the bed. After a week or
two, you’ll see a major improvement.”

Some days later, Barry asks Joey how it was going.

“Great!” enthuses Joey. “I’m doing what you said and I’m halfway there!”

Barry thinks to himself, “If it were anyone other than Joey-the-dope I
wouldn’t believe he’d actually try that trick. Anyone else would’ve
known I was just funnin’ him.”

“What do you mean ‘halfway,’ Joey?” he asks.