the blog quebecois

Opposition wants Chretien aide's head over reports she called Bush "a moron".

Kenney said Canada-U.S. relations have deteriorated to their lowest level in decades because of the Liberals' "knee-jerk anti-Americanism."

Sigh. Time to wheel out the all-purpose apology form letter:

Indeed, the recent remarks by

[ ] Jean Chretien
[ ] a Chretien Cabinet Minister
[x] Some Liberal flunky

were

[ ] ill-timed
[ ] unfortunate
[ ] insensitive
[x] completely off the Whack-O-Meter

and

[ ] should not seriously affect our relations with our great friends, the Americans.
[ ] a stern reprimand has been placed in his/her personnel file
[ ] enclosed is a complimentary jar of maple syrup.
[x] we'll beat the bitch to death with hockey sticks.

Sincerely,

Canada

P.S. Please don't close the border.

On other fronts: An Edmonton newspaper released a poll last week showing that 40% of Albertans are in favor of at least using the threat of separation for leverage. That's about double the historical average. This again parallels the pattern in Quebec. By 1976, separatist leanings were at 45%, which was when the first Parti Quebecois government was elected.

Heh. That's over a 14-year period (starting from the "Quiet Revolution" of 1962). Albertans made the jump in two months, and it's starting to attract serious attention from some heavyweights in the ruling Conservatives.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Stay tuned.

Oh, wonderful. Jean Chretien was on ABC this morning, on This Week with George Stephanopoulos (or however he spells it).

It's not bad enough that this embarrassment has to torment his countrymen, now he's got to take it internationally.

Just kidding, George. You have a fine show; I'd rather watch FOX News Sunday, though.

Da widdle guy from Shawinigan (or however he spells it) was babbling on about how Hussein is boxed in and no threat -- surrounded by troops, tanks, airpower, he can't and daren't make a move.

Good enough, I suppose, but is Chretien proposing to keep those forces there forever, or at least until Hussein's squalid Tikriti (or however he spells it) regime topples of its own weight?

Surely he'd be willing to contribute, say, a brigade of Canadian armor or infantry to help stand watch?

Oh, right, there isn't any Canadian brigade to contribute.

Thanks for your wisdom, Jean. That gentle rustle that you hear across America was the sussuration of a million TV clickers clicking off as soon as your name was announced.

America doesn't know who you are, and why the hell should it?

I have a clearer resolution for the Security Council to ponder:

Pass this, or relocate this worthless organization to friendlier climes, say, Gstadd or Oslo, and let it dwindle into obscurity there.

Why the Americans persist in bankrolling this corrupt little club is of course their choice; I wonder why they consider themselves hamstrung by the likes of France and China. Or Canada.

If the fumbling embarrassment formerly known as Jean Chretien accedes to the role that he desperately wants -- Secretary-General -- then it is long past time that the Yanks tear the UN down brick by brick and toss it into the East River.

Taxation without representation is one way you could sell it.

Hmmm.

Aldo Moro (1978), Olaf Palme (1986), Pim Fortuyn (2002), Zoran Djindjic, et. al., (1914 and counting), and now Anna Lindh.

Those cowboy Europeans. When will they learn from their more sophisticated American cousins?

The crazed, gun-totin' Yanks, after all, haven't had any major political assassinations since 1968. (MLK and Bobby Kennedy, if I have to jog your memory.)

That even beats their nicenik neighbors, the Canadians, who last boasted a murdered politician -- Pierre Laporte -- in 1970.

Hmmm. Suddenly the world no longer makes sense.

Tony Blair told us the truth. There, said it. Shocking, isn’t it? Something you would never dream of reading in a family publication. Especially the Spectator, the paper which supports Andrew Gilligan.

Everyone knows, after all, that Mr Blair is a liar. We wouldn’t believe him, would we, if he told us the time. Everyone knows he made up the threat from Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction because none has been found, and if something isn’t found then it proves that it never existed. Everyone knows that this is, well, just obvious.

As a précis of the Blair/Kelly/BBC affair (to which I really didn't pay much attention -- my patience with mainstream media these days is, uh, limited) I thought this was worth reading.

It's by Melanie Phillips, a British journalist, whom I hadn't previously read. My loss.

There's no permalink to the article, but you can get to it here, clicking on the first link, "The shocking truth about Tony Blair."

When I lived in Mali, West Africa in 1976-78 one of the great parlour games we played was: guess who the CIA agents attached to the American Embassy are.

I had a certain advantage here -- I'd once read that the CIA heavily recruited in Ivy League schools, employing bright young men, degreed in economics.

So I had him nailed: xxxx xxxxx, from Princeton, an economics major, with some vague title, like, "economics advisor to the Ambassador."

And it turned out that xxxx xxxxx was indeed with the CIA.

I teased that out of yyyyyy yyyy, after a very long evening of drinking.

What surprised me was the identity of the station chief. He didn't fit the profile at all.

And, no, I didn't run down to the Soviet Embassy and rat on them, or on my informant.

Fun's fun; but then someone gets their eye poked out, and mama's worst dreams come true.

Besides: the Americans are the GOOD guys; the Soviets were MASS MURDERING SCUM.

I suppose I should say something about Ah-nuld, but all I can think of is: Hooray!

The CBC's David Halton was on The National last night, wandering the corridors of Sacramento, making big frowny faces. These crazy Americans, this . . . democracy.

I happen to think that California's rights of referenda and recall are a critically important check on arrogant politicians, judges and bureaucrats. Would that Canadians had similar options.

We instead have an ossified -- if, for the moment, benign -- dictatorship, and nothing short of bullets and bayonets will remove it. No, I am no Paul Martiniac. (Yes, A Fearful Symmetry, you owe me a link for that one.)

But you didn't come here for my opinions on Canadian politics. All I've got to otherwise offer is this lame joke, which I heard yesterday:

"Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

"No! What about it?"

"It's rated Aaaahhrrrr!"

Bangkok

Mr. Chrétien and Mr. Bush were expected to bump into each other several
times during the summit of 21 world leaders, but U.S. officials shrugged
off a Canadian request for a formal bilateral meeting between the men,
who have never had a close personal relationship.

Let's put it this way: I've got a closer relationship with Bush than this contemptible jackass.

It's going to take a lot of time to repair the damage Chrétien's done to the Canada/U.S. relationship, and it wasn't just about Iraq. The Americans weren't begging for Canadian troops -- we don't have any to spare, anyway -- but some half-hearted display of political support would have gone a long way in Washington.

Believe me, I'm counting the days until this buffoon is gone. February at the latest and with luck much earlier.

People are always complaining, "Where do they get these polls? Why don't I ever get polled?"

Not a problem for me. I'm always getting polled. Which suits me fine, as I want to make sure the right-wing whacko view is accounted for. I don't mind the time, as I can usually do some work on my computer and keep half an eye on the football game simultaneously. (There are exceptions, like the excruciating half hour I once spent giving my opinions on agricultural water-management, but at least I got the right-wing whacko view out. I think.)

But yesterday was the standard political poll, on national politics, what I thought of the Liberals (ugh!) and the Alliance/Conservatives (yay!).

There was one curious thing, though. The first couple of questions concerned Mike Harris running for leader of the new Conservative Party.

I might have missed something, but about a week ago, Harris pretty well unequivocally ruled out a leadership bid, though he was widely considered one of the front-runners. What's going on here?

The way these polls are put together can include questions from any number of interested parties. You spend X thousands of dollars and you get your question or questions on the poll. So why would Harris or his people -- or for that matter, the polling company -- be interested in something that was supposedly off the table?

They could have sold that block of questions to someone else, but they didn't. Strange, strange.

My thanks to King of Fools, who has again come to my rescue. He set up my MT blog and all was fine until I discovered that I couldn't edit the templates. That is, I could change them but the changes wouldn't register on the blog.

He invoked powerful Geek Majik on it, and now I can edit to my heart's content.

Not that I know squat about CSS and HTML anyway, so I'll probably just end up stealing someone else's design.

Pardon the language, but when it comes from someone as urbane and cheery as James Lileks, it deserves to be printed as is:

"Hey, Salam? Fuck you. I know you’re the famous giggly blogger who gave us all a riveting view of the inner circle before the war, and thus know more about the situation than I do. Granted. But there’s a picture on the front page of my local paper today: third Minnesotan killed in Iraq. He died doing what you never had the stones to do: pick up a rifle and face the Ba’athists. You owe him."

Read the whole thing.

Vaughn Palmer in the National Post:

VICTORIA - It was billed as a "no-holds-barred" speech about a woman's lot in B.C. politics, and since Joy MacPhail was the one delivering the goods, they arrived pretty much as advertised, not sparing anyone, herself and her colleagues included.

So let's just say she accused the men of publicly brandishing their, ah, members (and I don't mean the honourable ones) as a form of one-upmanship.

Hmm-hmm.

So the tyrant is well and truly overthrown; and the oppressed people, sensing that a shadow is lifted off the land, flock to the blog quebecois, demanding to see the dictator stripped bare. Yes, they want nude pictures of . . . Sheila Copps.

I kid you not. I've had a dozen hits the last day or two searching for 'em.

I should explain here that Sheila Copps was formerly Canada's Minister of Heritage.

I should explain here to Americans, who invariably say "Minister of What?" that Canadians cannot be entrusted with celebrating their own heritage, inasmuch as it mainly involves those icky dead white males, so the Government instead funds authentic emenations of Canadian culture, such as (I'm not kidding) female East Indian hip-hop groups. No link available, but I've seen it, and trust me, it's awful.

Anyway, Ms. Copps lost the Liberal leadership race and was bounced from Cabinet. No word yet on whether she faces war crimes charges, though the abovementioned musical act would certainly be damning evidence against her.

I suppose I could do a Wendy Mesley and whip up some Photoshopped version of Sheila for the, um, enjoyment of the masses, but I mean, really, this

is what I've got to work with. Not very promising.

In other news:

Rumors abound that some high-ranking Iraqi mucky-muck has been captured.

I am tracking this story and will report as details become available.

It's hard-hitting, timely investigative journalism such as this that has propelled the blog quebecois to the lower middle rungs of the bottom third of the cheap-rent district of the blogosphere.

Either that or the nude Sheila Copps photos.

December marked a small but significant victory in the war on terror, as Jean Chretien stepped down from his post as Canadian prime minister after ten years of casual indifference regarding the terrorist threat permeating within Canada's borders. Chretien's ignorance on matters relating to the security of not only Canadians, but also all North Americans, was mind-boggling for a head of state in the post-9/11 world. It was Chretien who announced shortly after 9/11 that no terrorist cells existed in Canada, only to have Canadian-intelligence sources inform the media that, in fact, the country was host to 50 such cells. True to form, Chretien responded to this public humiliation by promptly slashing the budget of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS).

Erick Stakelbeck in National Review Online.

Ilan Berman and Paul Michael Wihbey
National Post

Thursday, January 22, 2004

WASHINGTON - Slowly but surely, a largely forgotten ally of the U.S is re-emerging in Washington's backyard. Last month, Jean Chretien stepped down as Canada's prime minister, bringing to a close a decade of tepid ties between Ottawa and Washington. The subsequent inauguration of Mr. Chretien's replacement, Paul Martin, provides a long-overdue opening for a revitalized North American alliance.

In fact, the pillars of such a partnership are already visible. Largely ignored during the tenure of Mr. Chretien, two issues have now crept to the top of the Canada-U.S. agenda.

The first is energy. Over the past two years, a widening quest for energy security has led officials in Washington to pay growing attention to West Africa and Russia as potential substitutes for volatile Gulf oil.

But an even more stable supply lies closer to home. At around 2.5 million barrels daily, Canada's current total oil output already puts it ahead of most OPEC nations in terms of production. And with some 180 billion barrels in proven recoverable reserves, Canada's oil wealth currently ranks second only to that of Saudi Arabia.

And as luck would have it, most of it's in Alberta, probably the only province that would have voted for George Bush. As the old joke goes, Albertans are a lot like Texans, but they tend to be more pro-American.

You can read the rest here. (I'm not sure how long this link will last, as The Post disappears tomorrow behind a pay-firewall. If it does vanish, I'll just upload the rest of the column.)

Update: Sure enough, the link now doesn't work. So here's the rest:

Yet in a way LaRouche is precisely the visionary he imagines himself to be, for it is obvious that, although he himself may never be elected to anything, his day has come in American politics. This is not just because it is possible to hear from many of the more sane and respectable Democratic opponents of the Bush administration language very similar to that of the LaRouchians’ warnings against, as they put it, “the Straussians’ commitment to transform the United States from a democratic republic into a tyranny, using the events of Sept. 11, 2001 as their ‘Reichstag fire,’ to justify the overthrow of our Constitutional system.” Conspiracy mania, though usually kept just off-stage, has long been a temptation for parties out of power in America, and it all tends to sound pretty much the same. But conspiracy mania is flourishing today as it has seldom done before in America, and not just at the fringes where the mainstream press would once have disdained to venture, because the standards of discourse have been cut free from their moorings in a common culture. As a result, anyone can say anything.

I haven't been to the New Criterion website for a while but one excellent reason to visit is the writing of James Bowman, here on the strident and fetid nature of politics these days.

It is not entirely incorrect to generalize that Quebec politicians will lean toward the interventionist, dirigiste, l’état c’est moi of its philosophy as is fashionable in France, and Albertans won’t. That wasn’t true in Laurier’s time, but it is in ours. And it is certainly true that bloated, interventionist governments attract charlatans, hucksters and crooks like moths to a flame. So if that’s the type of Quebec-bashing people want to engage in, I say bring it on. And if they aren’t always completely articulate about “how politics is done in Quebec” I think we might want to cut them a little slack. It is intellectually dishonest to simultaneously endorse Quebec’s “distinct society” as most progressive Anglos are inclined to do while making it taboo to discuss certain aspects of its distinctiveness.

Why isn't this guy writing for a major Canadian paper?

Also see Laurent at Polyscopique. If you want a crash course on contemporary Quebec politics, these are the guys to read.

A Bloc Québécois motion to cancel Canadian participation in the U.S. missile defence system was defeated 155-71 in the House of Commons, but attracts 30 Liberal votes.

From the National Post (no link):

Liberal MP John Caccia said he was pleasantly surprised by the show of support for the Bloc motion.

"It shows there is a growing awareness of several major points: one, there will be a militarization of space by the U.S. administration; two, we have no enemy and, therefore, we need not to enter this scheme; three, if we do enter it, we will attract retaliation perhaps."

From whom, Mr. Caccia? Our non-existent enemies? Do you refuse to lock your doors at night, for fear of enraging a prospective burglar?

Of course, the anti-missile shield will do nothing to protect Canada against its deadliest threat, until they can refine it enough to lock onto and vaporize individual politicians.

Maybe we could attach GPS beacons to briefcases stuffed with stolen taxpayers' money? Just a thought.

There are two absolutely killer lines in Mark Steyn's latest piece on John Kerry. This is one.

Then there was the senator's clumsy attempt to declare himself America's ''second black president.'' Bill Clinton was at least canny enough to get himself anointed as the first black president by an actual black person, the novelist Toni Morrison, who declared that he displayed ''every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald's-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas.'' It's harder to pull that off when you're a Swiss finishing school boy from Massachusetts. Many's the night John and the other boys in his dorm would lie awake dreaming of their freedom as they murmured one of the traditional spirituals of their people: ''Swing by, sweet limousine, comin' for to carry me home.''

As much as it pains me to relate it:

The CBC tonight came off more fairly regarding Condi Rice's testimony before the Congress than CTV. Or Comedy Central.

Impressionistic because I don't feel like linking to transcripts that don't exist or are too much trouble to track down.

CBC: There were memos, but they were impossibly vague.

CTV: There were memos.

Comedy Central: Jon Stewart.

There's a story about a funeral in England where the cleric delivered a moving, if brief, eulogy:

"We are gathered here to celebrate the memory of Mr. X -- but if the truth be told, he was a rather unpleasant fellow, and he shan't be missed."

The papers will be brimming tomorrow with effusive praise of Svend Robinson, the socialist MP from Burnaby, B.C., who blubbered his way through a press conference this afternoon announcing his temporary -- possibly permanent -- departure from politics. Seems Svend swiped some jewelry from a show last Friday, citing severe personal stress. He's sought out medical care, and announced that he won't run for Parliament until after possible criminal charges are sorted out.

He'll be lauded as a "dedicated," "passionate, "courageous, "committed," "humanitarian," "fiery civil rights advocate," secular saint.

In a word: Bollocks.

Robinson, Canada's first openly-homosexual MP, is a nasty, vituperative man who routinely slanders opponents as "bigots" and "homophobes." When Opposition Leader Stephen Harper made a mild joke at his expense, Robinson called him a "scumbag."

And how can we forget his charming antics, from heckling Ronald Reagan during a speech to Parliament, to engaging in a shoving match with Israeli soldiers when they wouldn't let him through to visit his hero, Yassir Arafat, to egging on the Brownshirt anti-globalization thugs as they rioted in Quebec City a couple of years ago.

It's ironic that Robinson is departing the scene on the eve of his biggest legislative triumph, Bill C-250, which should pass the Senate and become law next week.

This is a Private Member's Bill (which hardly ever are successful, even when sponsored by a Government backbencher) that got whisked through the Commons and Senate with Robinson pulling every procedural lever he could find (and with the Government running full-tilt interference for him).

Briefly, C-250 adds to Canada's hate crime laws the category of "sexual orientation."

Which means . . . you fill in the blank.

Never mind, the courts will do it for you.

John Leo discusses some of the ramifications here.

It will be used to hammer social and religious conservatives, make no mistake.

Thanks for the parting gift, you creepy little fascist.

I doubt that we've seen the last of him, failing a wooden stake through his heart, but if we have, let me be the first to say:

Buh-bye, Svend. You will not be missed.

TORONTO -- The Ontario government is obliged to treat the family of Ahmed Khadr no differently than any other resident, Premier Dalton McGuinty said Tuesday as critics decried the widow and children of the alleged al-Qaida leader as threats to Canadian security.

You can check out this link, or I can give you the Coles Notes version:

The Khadr family are "Canadians" who've spent most of their time in salubrious climes like Pakistan and Afghanistan, returning now and then to raise money for the family "charity," which was a front for al-Qaida training camps. In fact they knew Osama bin Laden very well.

Papa Khadr was killed in a shootout with Pakistani troops; the youngest Khadr was shot in the spine and paralyzed in the same firefight.

Omar Khadr -- the middle son -- is in Guantanamo Bay, accused of killing a US Army medic in an ambush in Afghanistan. The oldest boy, Abdurahman, was also arrested in Afghanistan, but was apparently turned by the CIA and sent to Guantanamo as an informant and later shipped off to Bosnia, etc., to collect intelligence. (He was the proverbial "black sheep" of the family -- he liked to chase girls, drink, and otherwise goof off. Not your promising holy warrior material.)

Anyway, to make a long story short, Mama and the youngest have decided to investigate Canadian health care, which is apparently superior to what's available in Pakistan (though not by much, is my guess).

To everyone's surprise, the Canadian government for once took a principled position, which was: They are Canadian citizens, therefore we have to let them in.

True enough, if a wildly unpopular viewpoint.

Me, I'm just looking for laughs, so I seized on the point that "Khadr" is pronounced "Kotter," which summons up memories of "Welcome Back, Kotter," the cheesy 70's sitcom that starred comedian Gabe Kaplan and propelled John Travolta into teenage stardom, a setback it took him twenty years to recover from.

Of course, 3,569 other bloggers, radio commentators, bag ladies and politicians immediately hit upon the same punchline.

So then I had one of the brainflashes that you have come to know and love -- why not leave them in the dust with a hilarious parody of the theme song? My readers will be wiggling their toes (or other appendages of their choice) with delight!

Sure. I downloaded the lyrics, which I barely remembered, and here they are:

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Feh. It doesn't even have a rhyme for jihadi.

And worse yet, the insipid melody is back and haunting me.

Hey, that rhymes with jihadi.

More or less.

I think we can all get behind this:

Poop For Peace Day is not about protest or partisanship or politics. Poop For Peace Day is about acknowledging the fundamental basis of shared humanity: black or white, liberal or conservative, Christian or Muslim or Jew, we are all united in struggle against the tyranny of the bowel.

Via Memepool

you've got something to tell
i wanna get it all
before the lights go out

-- butchie boys

I just finished painting the basement (several spiders were harmed in the process) and I am bagged.

However I must comment on today's disgraceful Supreme Court ruling, which effectively muzzles free speech by ordinary citizens during elections.

I won't go into the details, but here's a brief rundown.

American readers will no doubt recognize it an an analogue of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance bill. (Canada is famous for importing lousy American legislation a few years after the fact, proving that history does indeed repeat itself as farce.)

However our rulers on the Supreme Court don't seem to have figured out that the media landscape is rapidly changing beneath their stuck-up noses.

Behold, gentle reader, the blogosphere. Third party groups cannot purchase advertising to get their message out?

Well they can get it for free here. No money need change hands. As a public service I'll publish gratis advertisements, links to webpages, small editorials, etc., for people who want to put their opinions forward during this upcoming election. I'd maintain editorial control -- I'm not going to print something from the KKK or Al-Qaeda -- but otherwise the offer is open to anyone in Canada or elsewhere who wants to put forward a viewpoint on the upcoming election.

Of course, this is somewhat risible in regards to this blog, which has only 50-60 regular readers. (And my Sitemeter's been stuck at a somewhat ominous 12 hits for most of today.) But if the idea spreads to some more popular bloggers, then maybe we can serve notice that attempting to suppress free speech in the age of the Internet is like trying to put out a grease fire by throwing water on it.

What is it about Jack Layton?

He's a fairly handsome man. He's probably a decent sort, not often getting into drunken fistfights in bars. I suspect he's quite sincere about his beliefs, and I think he thinks that his beliefs have value for Canada and the world

So why is it that every time I see him, I want to hit him with a shovel?

Elderly ND groovester Ed Broadbent shakes his cha-chas in bid to prove that he is the happenin' dude with today's hepcat guys 'n' gals.

Judge for yourself here. (I could only get the Quick Time version to work.)

OK, let's be charitable and assume the video was intended to provoke derisive, uncontrollable laughter.

In that case -- mission accomplished!

Watching CBC's Sunday Report last night. No transcript as usual, so you'll just have to trust me.

The last portion of it was devoted to the intensely troubling (to the CBC, anyway) question of why more young people don't vote.

Exhibit A: Young black woman named Natasha in Pickering, Ont. Why isn't Natasha voting?

None of the parties, it seems, are addressing what she considers to be essential issues. Iraq? Taxes? Integrity in government?

Nope, none of the above. She goes on with the usual litany of "youth-related" demands -- reducing education debt, AIDS, more funding for the arts. She thinks "creative cities" would be nice. And she also wants "funky, refreshing candidates."

Hey, who doesn't? But even allowing for a dearth of those, I would think that all the parties cover her concerns, if only with the standard boilerplate promises.

But what's at the head of the list; the #1 thing she's upset about?

Sidewalks. Freaking sidewalks.

Cut to a shot of a new suburb, which as commonly is the case nowadays, doesn't have sidewalks. They're expensive to put in and maintain, and almost no one uses them.

Natasha thinks that this is the responsibility of the Federal government. The horrifying truth is that probably a couple of the parties would agree.

Thank you, Natasha. Thank you for sitting this one out, and you might want to consider skipping the next two or three.

I don't know how much blogging I'm going to be accomplishing tomorrow.

I expect to be pretty well glued to the TV and Internet, but I'll try to post some thoughts here and there.

we're gonna be elected, elected, elected
respected, selected, call collected
i wanna be elected, elected

-- alice cooper

Canada goes to the polls on Monday, and I know everyone is waiting with bated breath for my predictions. This is, after all, a political blog -- or at least it was, until I realized I was lousy at writing about politics.

This was my brave call on April 7:

Steve Harper just might be the guy who tips undecided Ontario voters over the edge.

Er, that was my brave call on April 7 of 1996, in a FidoNet (ask your parents, kiddies) political echo. The talk at the time was of the prospective merger of the Progressive Conservatives and the Reform Party, and who should lead it.

That didn't take place until October of last year, but I seem to have been prescient in my call for Stephen Harper to lead the new Conservative Party.

Without going into all the details, this represents the best chance in a generation to kick the tired, corrupt Liberals to the curb.

Unfortunately I don't think they can quite finish them off this time, and I see at best a Conservative minority government.

But even that will give the Conservatives the opening to send in the auditors; and I think they'll be able to dig up enough dirt to bury the Liberals for a long, long time.

From the Ottawa Citizen:

Today's federal election may be a tight horse race right to the finish, but a vote among young people has already declared a clear winner.

The Conservative party attracted more votes from young people than any other major political party in two election polls that were part of a program aimed at raising awareness among youth about the election.

The Conservatives received 41.6 per cent of 1,992 votes cast online or via wireless phone text messaging in the Youth Vote 2004 program sponsored by the Dominion Institute, a Toronto-based charitable organization concerned with issues of Canadian history and public affairs, and CanWest Global.

Hey, that's not the way it's supposed to go . . .

Here we go . . .

The polls have just closed in Newfoundland. Four ridings reporting, the Liberals leading in each.

Good grief.

5-1 Liberals. Now it's a 3-3 tie with the Conservatives. One Liberal declared elected - Bill Matthews with about 55 per cent of the vote inn Random-Burin-St.-Georges.

Percentage of vote:

LIB 47.85%
CON 32.87%
NDP 17.69%
BQ .00%
OTH 1.60%

This is kind of early, of course, and Newfoundland and the Maritimes are going to be more or less split between the LIBS and CONS. One NDP declared elected, though I don't know who.

Hey, this is the Internet. Look it up yourself.

Results starting to come in from Nova Scotia.

CBC now has 6 Libs leading and elected. 5 for Cons. 1 NDP

-----
EXTENDED BODY:
13-6-2 Libs/Cons/NDP. Peter MacKay, Con deputy leader, declared elected.

Looks like the Cons might be picking up a Lib seat in Fundy.

18 Libs 7 Cons 3 NDP. You know, I'm not liking this trend. If the Liberals are mortally wounded -- and I'm not saying they aren't, not yet -- it would have been nice to see blood all over the floor by now.

Terrific. The Libs have gained 4 seats in the Maritimes.

Turncoat Scott "Weasel" Brison has been elected. He jumped to the Liberals shortly after Martin came to power.

20 Lib 7 Con 4 NDP.

LIB 44.24%
CON 31.11%
NDP 21.57%
BQ .00%
OTH 3.08%

Quebec polls now starting to report. BQ declared elected in Gaspé.

Oh, hurrah, here comes Rick Mercer to lift our spirits. Bah. (For non-Canuck readers, he's a state-funded "comedian," who's about as funny as you'd think.)

Is it too early to start drinking? It's never too early to start drinking.

7:30 pm: The polls from Quebec to Alberta should start reporting soon. This is it.

CBC's running an interview with Peter MacKay and Scott "Weasel" Brison. Brison for some inexplicable reason is yammering on about capital punishment and his opposition to it, which is rather odd, seeing as it was never a campaign issue.

First reports in from Ontario. Excuse me while I puke.

33 Lib 8 Con 6 NDP 1 BQ

LIB 43.59%
CON 30.13%
NDP 22.56%
BQ .20%
OTH 3.52%

7:45 pm:

54 Lib 19 Con 8 NDP 8 BQ 1 OTH

That 1 OTH is from the Marxist-Leninist candidate in some Ontario riding (with only one poll reporting).

8:00 pm:

114 Lib 64 Con 46 BQ 17 NDP 0 OTH

LIB 42.48%
CON 29.70%
BQ 2.41%
NDP 21.60%
OTH 3.82%

Bwahahaha. Martin's losing in his riding to the BQ. Mind you, that's with only 3 of 200 or so polls reporting.

Western ridings starting to kick in, Liberals stalling. I can live with a Liberal minority, especially if they have to depend on Obnoxious Jack Layton and the Dippers.

8:30 pm:

Bring me my pistol, Darlin', I feel like putting a bullet through the TV. Or Ontario.
What the hell is wrong with you people?

CBC declares a Lib minority govt.

9:00 pm:

Start erecting that firewall, Ralph. I forgot that one should never underestimate the stupidity of Ontarians. As a commenter on Andrew Coyne's blog put it: They are the new spain, coddled into being scared shitless by attack ads.

9:30 pm:

And now for our election-night wrapup!

What an utter fucking disaster. You'll note I said above that I could "live with" a Liberal minority govt. propped up by the NDP. That was before I added up the numbers and got 135 Lib + 23 NDP = 158 (these numbers are somewhat tentative because of some tight races, but the final totals shouldn't be very different) versus 94 Con + 55 BQ = 149.

So the two major opposition parties can't bring down the govt. if they want. Are there deal-breakers between the NDP and the Libs?

Sure, but Wacko Jacko's Windmill-In-Every-Pot (and free pot!) agenda can be postponed into budgets yet undreamt or thrown to the courts to decide.

Gay marriage? Nope. The Libs will be whipped into approving it, and the NDP and BQ are fully onside.

Kyoto? Firewall, Ralph, fireWALL.

The bright light at the end of the tunnel? As usual, it's the Americans who're providing it.

They have to know by the fall if Canada's in or not on Missile Defence. The Libs are desperate to rebuild relations with the U.S. (They might have thought about not reelecting Carolyn "American bastards" Parrish and Colleen "Baghdad" Beaumier, but never mind.) Missile Defence (with an 80% approval rating south of the border and 70% favorable north, in the only poll on it I've ever seen) is a low-cost (free) way to ingratiate themselves.

But the NDs have made it clear that they won't compromise on Ballistic MD. The BQ is the same. No.

So the Libs vote Yes, the NDs and the Bloc vote No, and the Cons vote . . .

Does Harper say Yay! with the Libs and keep the govt. afloat, or does he launch the torpedo and bring the govt. down? Interesting strategic decision.

Mind, I'm ignorant of the machinery of Parliament on this. I suppose Martin could declare the vote as not a "confidence" motion, bringing down the govt. on its failure.

The fact that I have to think so long and hard about optimistic outcomes of this election is proof enough of my pessimism. God help us.

Well, things changed for the better as I slept last night. Most of the close races went to the Conservatives, and the totals today are:

Lib: 135
Con: 99
BQ: 54
NDP: 19
Ind: 1

Which puts the Liberals 1 below the 155-seat majority with NDP cooperation. The Con/BQ total is 153 seats, with the Independent, a former Conservative (he was deposed when his riding association was hijacked by an ethnic bloc) expected to vote with his former party.

So things could get interesting -- not an adjective that usually describes Canadian politics.

The indefatigable Steven den Beste, in response to a foreign correspondent, posts a useful primer on U.S. politics, more specifically the legislative function.

Canadians and others who presume to comment on U.S. affairs should read it.

Gary Andres in National Review Online notes that John Kerry is not connecting very well with a critical demographic:

Among Democrats, however, not only are the overall affirmative percentages on both questions lower, but some significant sex differences emerge. While 70 percent of Democratic men want their kids to grow up like Kerry, only 46 percent of Democratic women do — a 24 percentage-point difference. And 62 percent of Democratic men want to spend an hour with Kerry, while only 49 percent of that party's women voters do.

I can't speak for women, and I'd be voting for Bush anyway, but maybe they're just a little bit spooked by all the grappling and manhandling between Kerry and his shiny new running mate. When people start putting together video clips like this (warning -- music) you might want to reconsider your strategy.

And of course, this is a deliberate strategy -- you know these guys are choreographed more closely than ballet dancers, with focus groups determining everything from their speeches to their shirt-colors, so this phony horseplay was approved from On High, as it were. The problem is that it looks as creepy as Al "Lurch" Gore did in its various incarnations.

Remember your heritage: White men don't hug.

Funny parody of Woody Guthrie.

Note: Server seems to be very busy, so you might have to try it later.

the girl's got family
she needs cash to buy aspirin for her pain
everybody's good enough for some change

-- live

It seems a certain Democratic nominee-wannabe has caught the evil eye of . . . The Bitter Waitress:

Tipper's Name: John Kerry

Restaurant: Chart House

Where it happened: Alexandria, VA

Total bill / Tip amount / Percentage: $262.60 / $0.00 / 0%

What happened:

June 5, 04 Kerry, his wife, 4 unknown suits - We were happy to seat them in a semi-private area and gave them the same excellent service as we would give anyone - then got stiffed!

I seem to recall Hillary Clinton doing the same thing while running for the Senate. Ah, yes, here it is.

What is it with these cheapskate Tribunes of the People?

Via Diversionz

By the way, after addressing the NAACP's 95th annual convention in Philadelphia, Kerry gave the audience the black power clenched-fist salute. I wonder whether his white audiences get the black power salute as well.

Walter Williams unloads his revolver in John Kerry's face. Not pretty, but well worth reading.

and when I touch you I feel happy inside.
it's such a feeling that my love
i can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.

-- the beatles

Addressing the crowd, Kerry's wife, Teresa, took a swipe at the Bush administration. "You cannot solve problems by throwing stones, and you cannot solve problems by telling lies, and you cannot solve problems by wishing ill to other people," she said. "The only way you solve problems is by holding hands and talking about it, and that's what we want to do in this campaign."

It's official, folks. This woman is seriously starting to Creep. Me. Out.

Via The Corner.

Dear Prime Minister,

I distinctly remember your promise in the past campaign; that if you were elected, the Government of Canada would make it a top priority to put Carolyn Parrish in a locked, weighted steamer trunk and send it over Niagara Falls. (The Canadian side is far more picturesque, of course.)

Alas, yet another Liberal promise broken. But who's counting? I see that Ms. Parrish is again in the news:

Canadian Member of Parliament Carolyn Parrish had said she hated "damned Americans" and called them bastards in the run-up to the Iraq war. She found a new moniker, idiots, on Wednesday in discussing the planned U.S. missile defense system.

"We are not joining the coalition of the idiots. We are joining the coalition of the wise," the Liberal legislator told a small group of demonstrators.

Parrish, who had to apologize for her "bastards" remarks last year, at first denied using the word idiots, and when reporters pointed out they had her remarks on tape, she said: "I don't mean Americans are idiots."

Parrish then begged reporters not to use the remarks: "Please guys don't put that on tape," she said. "I already got into trouble once.... Really, please, I've had enough trouble."

Four hours later, however, she hardened her line.

"The last one was a really stupid thing to say," she told Reuters. "Bastards is an inappropriate word. Idiots is a term people use in everyday conversation," she told Reuters.

Quite so, Prime Minister. I myself have used, and continue to use, the term "idiots" in everyday conversation, usually when discussing you and your government.

However, I've been trying to think of a more appropriate term for Ms. Parrish, and by Jove, I think I've got it. Addlepated douchebag.

Kind of rolls off the tongue. Addlepated douchebag.

You might object -- isn't this a "sexist" term? No, Sir, it most manifestly is not!

Although addlepated douchebag will first and foremost bring to mind the distinguished member from Mississauga-Erindale, it works extraordinarily well when describing other Liberal politicians. It's really quite flexible that way:

Bill Graham, addlepated douchebag. Erwin Cotler, addlepated douchebag. Pierre Pettigrew, addlepated douchebag.

I think I'm on to something.

With your assistance, Prime Minister, we can put addlepated douchebag where it belongs -- at the top of the Google rankings. Let Canada be known as the number-one location for discriminating consumers of addlepated douchebaggery.

I remain, your loyal servant, & etc.

gnotalex

and i think it's gonna be a long long time
till touch down brings me round again to find
i'm not the man they think i am at home

-- elton john

The Washington Post:

Former senator John Glenn (D-Ohio) took the defense a step further by comparing the Republicans' misleading statements to those of Nazi Germany. "You've just got to separate out fact from fiction. . . . Too often, too often, in this country, if you hear something repeated, it's the old Hitler business -- if you hear something repeated, repeated, repeated, repeated, you start to believe it," he said.

Hey, Mr. Helpless-plaything-of-V2-mastermind Wernher von Braun! Do I have to repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat this?

I'll let the editorializing -- "the Republicans' misleading statements" -- speak for itself. But do tell: What were the "misleading statements" of the Nazis?

front and forgery
pass on, pass on, move on ­­­ forget it !
get started, don't know where it begins

-- urban dance squad

I don't think he can be reelected if this is true.

Of course, it might possibly be a fake, but it's a darn good one if it is. Let's hold on to that hope.

The Drudge Report:

In last week's WASHINGTONPOSTWABCNEWS Poll, John F. Kerry was viewed favorably by 36 percent of registered voters, down 18 points over the past six months.

But just how low Kerry's standing has fallen cannot be appreciated fully without comparing his standing with that of other household names in GALLUP polls over the years, the POST's Dana Milbank reported on Tuesday.

Kerry finds himself in a dead heat with Martha Stewart and Joseph McCarthy, and behind Herbert Hoover -- although he narrowly beats O.J. Simpson.

"You hate me! You really, really hate me!"

Here's the list, with the year of the poll in parenthesis:

Michael Jordan: 83 (2000) Tony Blair: 76 (2003) Pope John Paul II: 73 (2003) Democratic Party: 54 (2004) John Ashcroft: 49 (2003) Michael Dukakis: 47 (1988) Prince Charles: 45 (2003) Herbert Hoover: 43 (1944) Jesse Jackson: 38 (2003) Vladimir Putin: 38 (2003) John Kerry: 36 (2004) Martha Stewart: 36 (2004) Joseph McCarthy: 35 (1954)

John Ashcroft? Kerry polls lower than the demon John AshKKKroft? This is not good news.

Yahoo/AP:

Humanitarian Teresa Heinz-Kerry, on the aftermath of Hurricane Ivan:

"Clothing is wonderful, but let them go naked for a while, at least the kids."

Via Ace of Spades

My fearless prediction: George Bush wins reelection comfortably, with around 300 Electoral College votes. Minor gains for the Republicans in the Senate and House.

This will lead to two positive results:

a) the saving (at least in the near term) of Western Civilization; and,
b) a drastic lowering in air pressure as the heads of most of Canada's media babblers implode.

I'll be live-blogging the election, so I've got to get caught up on a few things to clear the deck for Tuesday. See you then.

You might have heard of the fatuous piece that Lloyd Axworthy, the former Minister of Foreign Affairs, wrote for the Winnipeg Free Press last week. It's supposed to be an open letter to U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. but it's a fair bet that she'll never see it; and if she did, she'd flick it into the nearest wastepaper basket with one of her exquisitely-manicured (one presumes) fingernails midway through the first paragraph, along with the head of the flunky who thought it was worth her time. Here's how it starts, and it's all downhill after that:

Dear Condi,

I'm glad you've decided to get over your fit of pique and venture north to visit your closest neighbour. It's a chance to learn a thing or two. Maybe more.

I know it seems improbable to your divinely guided master in the White House that mere mortals might disagree with participating in a missile-defence system that has failed in its last three tests, even though the tests themselves were carefully rigged to show results.

I was going to fisk the piece, but I've been short on time the last while, and I realized that it was so excruciatingly bad that I'd have to jump on every single line. Anyway, Bob Tarantino had already performed one of his masterly demolition jobs on it at Let It Bleed.

But lo and behold, who pops up last night on CBC's The Hour but the old gasbag himself. As I might have mentioned before, CBC, unlike real journalistic organizations like Talon News, doesn't provide transcripts (rather, they want the taxpayer to fork out $45 here for an hour-long show) so I am unable to reproduce the parts where Axworthy expounds on his bizarre sexual fetishes. Suffice it to say that they're as unpalatable as you'd think.

I did manage to hit the record button on my VCR in time to capture this exchange, though:

Interviewer: Would you have written this kind of letter if you were still the Minister of Foreign Affairs?

Axworthy: No, no, but look, I'm a liberated person, it's almost like being canonized. You can speak a little ex cathedra.

If you had written it while in office, it probably would have been classed as an act of war.

Oh, and I was unaware that the Vatican was contemplating your sainthood. That must have been why the Pope got so ill recently. And in keeping with the Papal theme, you boob, an ex cathedra pronouncement does not, as you seem to think, mean that you are speaking unofficially. When the Pope speaks ex cathedra, he is promulgating official Catholic doctrine, by virtue of his Apostolic authority (the widely misunderstood notion of Papal Infallibility).

I don't know how long the Free Press link will last, so I've taken the liberty of reprinting the piece in full in the Extended Post section. Read it if you must and marvel at its smug, smarmy arrogance. If you need editorial comment, just imagine me making loud retching noises and throwing open windows to try to clear the smell.

I consider Trevor Lautens, along with Mark Steyn and David Warren, one of the best political writers in this country. He published a column in the Winnipeg Free Press Thursday that Terry O'Neill featured in The Shotgun; I've taken the further liberty of reprinting it here, as Mr. Lautens speaks eloquently and precisely to my feelings of malaise these past months.

UNFORGETTABLY, though I've forgotten his name and can't find his exact words in 45 years of my notebook-diaries, a U.S. senator once said, in surveying his career: "I began by wanting to save the world. Then I wanted to save the United States. Now I want to save... (some local slough or woodland)."

Derivatively -- and what better time than Canada (nee Dominion) Day to quote or misquote an American? -- I once loved Canada. Then I loved my neighbourhood. Now I have some regard for the tree-clad slope behind my house.

It is partly my property, partly my neighbour's -- I met him after just 18 years of residence and he proved to be an agreeable fellow, though neither of us has felt an urgent need to communicate again in the intervening two years.

Possibly a metaphor lurks here. Or not. In what used to be regarded as old age (in my case, 70 is the new 90), Canada looks too big for intimacy, too big for the imagination. It has to be broken up into small pieces to be lived in and through. In its larger cities, even downtown is a place too far.

Politically, the country is uninhabitable. Pride in today's Canada is embarrassing, if not repelling. I won't be there for the fireworks tomorrow.

You can stay while I tilt my kitchen chair back and reminisce, or leave now.

There seemed to be a fresh new dawn in the 1950s, that decade scorned as boring and repressive by those who weren't there for it. The Canadian vocabulary unashamedly included kindness, thankfulness, manners, and such, and citizens quite often even put those words into practice. The actual and linguistic horrors of lifestyle, fulfillment, liberation, orgasm (good, better, best), closure (what of importance is ever closed, especially the death of the loved?) and that tool of the institutionalized New Bigotry, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, all gratefully lay far ahead.

Of course, there were unfairness and prejudice, but also -- still in the glow of triumph over evil in the last war, whose righteousness we may ever universally agree upon -- a strong sense of hopefulness, of better days ahead, real wrongs being really righted.

More than an aside on that war: In a Times Literary Supplement review of David Dilks's The Great Dominion: Winston Churchill in Canada, 1900-1954, Nathan M. Greenfield writes: "The Canada Churchill knew is almost unrecognizable, especially to those who have followed the country's reduction in military capacity. The Canadian army rushed to England in 1939 was the only army that could defend Britain in the months after Dunkirk."

Canada's wartime gifts to Britain "totalled one-quarter of those under the more famous American Lend-Lease Agreements -- and Canada's population was one-twelfth that of the United States." Furthermore, Canada supplied 44 squadrons in Britain by 1944, and had built 100 of the Royal Navy's ships and 1,223 of the 5,000 tanks the Allies shipped to Britain.

Since then, countless brains have been addled by an approved high-school textbook that ignored the soldiers and reduced the war to two consequential issues -- women's work (invaluable, certainly) and the expulsion of ethnic Japanese from the West Coast to virtual internment camps.

I've long admired what I call the Class of 1920, those born a few years on either side of that year who ground through a devastating depression, fought and won a war and, hardened into smartness, brilliantly provided Canada's leadership for decades.

Now Canada is uber-enlightened and people are afraid to go out at night. (One never knows, a crooked MP might be lurking in the shadows.)

Dismiss all this as an old man's grumbling if it makes you feel better -- or the mutterings of one who confuses happier times with his youthful self, an argument I grant has some merit. But, when not in danger of being overheard, people of my generation agree with me that it's not just rosy nostalgia for youth. Objectively, life in Canada really was better before the Hippies and the Me Generation and Generation X, and even, amazingly, human rights commissions and liberal judges secretly terrified of their ambitious and even-more-liberal young law clerks.

One finally learns that a single act of personal kindness and civility that lightens a heart and makes life more endurable is more virtuous than an act of Parliament. (To quote myself: All great crimes begin in committee.)

One also learns -- a subversive belief, unpopular and deserving of quick suffocation lest it gets around -- that the displacement of God and enthronement of Man has had only dimly understood but devastating social consequences. To think that we are the universe's highest beings should fill us with the greatest alarm and dread if we look around and, especially, inward. (This, as I always feel obliged to state, from a non-Christian, non-church-going, gin-swilling blasphemer. But that doesn't mean I'm stupid.)

So other hands will have to wave the flags tomorrow. The Canada I cherish -- still -- is a private and mystical one, somewhere up that backyard slope of wild greenery, where a chickadee announces his pert importance over a flower born to blush unseen.

The comments that this inspired at The Shotgun are well worth reading, too.

The security guard would like to have a few words with you.

The Western Standard commissioned a poll gauging the mood in the western provinces:

The poll sampled 1,448 adults in British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba and had a margin of error of plus or minus 2.6 per cent, 19 times out of 20.

Thirty-six per cent of respondents agreed with the statement, �Western Canadians should begin to explore the idea of forming their own country.� Forty-three per cent of Albertans agreed with the statement, with the greatest level of support coming from the youngest age group (18 to 29 year olds).

The cover story here (.html) or here (.pdf file).

Methodology here (WordPad document).

For some perspective on this, separatist sentiment in Alberta had historically percolated around 10-20% -- the same level as in Quebec at the start of the "Quiet Revolution" in 1960. By 1976 that had risen to about 45%, at which point the first PQ government was elected.

I don't think that this poll is an outlier. An Edmonton paper (I think it was the Sun) published a poll a few years ago with similar results, though it was dismissed as analomous and too small in size. It'll be interesting to see the reaction this one draws.

If that Alberta number is accurate then this country could be perilously close to breaking up. Alberta has a long tradition of cataclysmic political change. Only four parties have ruled her since she became a province, and once thrown out of office, none of them have returned to power:

Liberal Party (1905-1921), the United Farmers of Alberta (1921-1935), the Social Credit Party (1935-1971), and the Progressive Conservative Party (1971 to present).

The Progressive Conservatives are looking a bit long in the tooth, I'd say.

Another comparison between Alberta and Quebec is I think instructive, and maybe decisive. As I wrote in 2002 in the first entry in this blog:

Western separatism is a different creature than Quebec's. The Quebec variety is top-down: Intellectuals, media and politicians. In the West, it's grassroots: Farmers, small business owners, and the guy who sleeps in his truck outside Ft. McMurray while waiting to get a spot in Syncrude's barracks.

The trigger is going to be Kyoto. If the Feds bungle it (as they've shown every sign of doing) then all bets are off.

Via Nealenews

Austin Bay subbing for Glenn Reynolds at his MSNBC spot:

We know polls often (usually?) exaggerate. Still, if only one in five of oil-rich Alberta�s population �wants out,� that�s a hot social and economic flare. Coddling the Parti Quebecois is no longer in Canada�s political cards. The Liberal Party machine, based in Ontario, is corrupt, and with �Adscam� everyone knows it. The stage is set for a revitalizing Canadian political rebellion, led by Western Canada.

�coz i�m lonely and i�m blue
i need you and your love too
come on and rescue me

the supremes

One of the mixed blessings about the CBC strike is that the sneering CBC reports on the New Orleans rescue efforts have been replaced with sneering BBC reports on the New Orleans rescue efforts. I'm looking at you Matt Fry! Take a bow, Gavin Hewitt!

To any dispassionate observer of Leviathan, the wonder is that the State accomplishes anything, let alone on time and/or on budget. By that standard -- admittedly a low bar to hurdle -- the US federal response to New Orleans has been nimble and creative, considering all the roadblocks the incompetent Governor of Louisiana and her sidekick Mayor have left in their wake.

I attribute that agility not to George Bush nor his bureaucrats, but to the initiative and common sense of ordinary Americans; when faced with situations that the rulebook doesn't allow for -- they toss out the rulebook and find out what works instead.

We in Canada don't need initiative or common sense. We have studies (in both official languages!) that prove it.

Natural disasters do not strike Canada, because Canadians are universally loved, especially by Mommy Earth. But should she (or more likely the Portland Hills Fault) slip up and accidentally level Vancouver with a 9+ Richter quake, our worries will be few, because our Government has been extensively preparing for this for years.

Unbeknownst to most Canadians, the authorities have been busy building an exact copy of Vancouver, complete with cars, house furnishings and heroin addicts, deep in the interior of B.C. And here's the genius part: the whole thing is mounted on millions of caster