the blog quebecois

You thought you'd escaped more of my blathering but no such luck. I've had a bit too much to drink, but when has that stopped me before?
I nearly took the night off because I was at an old friend's new place, about a mile or two from here.

Him I see about once or twice a month; I haven't seen his two daughters for a year now and they are sprinting into womanhood, coltish and lovely.

Played pool; drank beer; Trogdor; moved furniture; more beer; more Trogdor.

All in all, a good time. Especially with Trogdor.

This is a video taken from a U.S. Army helicopter on maneuvers. They spotted some, uh, interesting activity. Believe me, this is NOT worksafe.

Via Ghost of a Flea

Aiieee!

This is a surveillance video of a convenience store.

Watch would-be robber enter, pull gun, fumble gun onto the counter right into the hands of the clerk. Watch would-be robber make speedy exit.

Japanese commercials often strike people as, well . . . weird, in that they can seem to lack any sort of connection to whatever's being advertised.

Then again, sometimes they wrap things up with the perfect touch. You smack your forehead and say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Like this, for instance.

Via PC Watch:

Fairlands Valley Park in Stevenage, Herts, in the UK told a man that he could not take a photograph of his OWN SON at a public swimming pool without first getting permission from everyone who was at the pool at the time. "It's absolutely ludicrous - red tape gone mad. What bureaucratic numbskull trying to justify his fatcat wage thought that one up?" asked angry dad Barry Jackson after being told by a lifeguard that taking photos at the pool was banned. "What next? Will they ban cameras on beaches or in parks?"

The pools are owned by Stevenage Borough Council but run by Stevenage Leisure Ltd. The company defended the rules, designed to stop paedophiles. A spokesman said: "It is our duty to protect children using the paddling pool."

It is true that you've got to be careful around cameras. Especially security cameras. Witness.

Warning: Not worksafe (though your Human Resources department might want to consider scaring new employees with it).

Jonah Goldberg in The Corner posted this. It's a combination of The Matrix and, er, ping-pong. Safe for work, at least if the boss has tolerance for music and absurd rhythmic chanting.

if you can't dance
and you can't sing
you can join the Morris Ring

-- trad. (var.)

There's a famous maxim, "You should try everything once except incest and Morris dancing." It's not clear who first said it. This thread at Snopes.com lists some of the possibilities:

A quick web search suggests that Sir Thomas Beecham is the most popular candidate, but it's also attributed to Sir Malcolm Sargent, Sir Arnold Bax, Stephen Fry, Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, and WC Fields (as well as being referred to in the title of books by Jonathan Meades and Linzi Drew). And if I'd been asked before searching, I'd probably have said Noel Coward.

But whomever the author, this video confirms the wisdom of that adage, as the spawn of incestuous Morris dancers shows up to join in the revelry. Or possibly it's an aardvark.

Warning: Music.

Live from the White House, it's the BarneyCam! (If your computer or connection is sluggish, it's more like the BarneySlideShow!)

there's no distance put between us
safe enough for you to hide
i'm watching all of your secrets

elton john

I've spent way too much time today playing around with this.

There is no shortage of webcams on the Net that people want you to look at. However, Smartypus McGnome (I believe that that's probably a fake name) posted a hack that allows you to search Google to find cameras hooked up to unsecured networks.

I doubt you'll find any top secret installations here -- just some sloppy sysadmin work.

The cameras are installed in various locations from restaurants to research labs. Others report seeing farms and veterinarians' offices. Some of the sites allow you access to the cam control panels, so you can pan and tilt to look around.

Enter this search string (or just click the link) at Google: inurl:"ViewerFrame?Mode="

Another one (for a different make of webcam) is: inurl:"axis-cgi/mjpg"

Have fun, but remember, if you happen to witness a murder or see Osama bin Laden skulking around a cave somewhere, I retain the rights to option it out to Hollywood.

Via Feeeds and boingboing

You might recall this post from a couple of weeks ago, which dealt with search strings to access unsecured remote webcams.

Some kind soul has collected a whole bunch (719 at last count) of these, figured out their locations, and thumbnailed them. I think such dedication deserves a visit, yes?

Via The Presurfer

Three videos for your delectation. They are all somewhat connected in that they are all in color and show moving things.

The first, a Japanese commercial for an all-you-can-eat Marriott hotel buffet, makes a quite sensible point.

This one is taken from a police car as a cop narrowly misses being killed when another car smashes into his cruiser.

This one -- well, it might not give you nightmares, but I have a bad habit of fixing on these vertiginous types of dreams, so I expect a few more restless nights in the future.

It's an amazing piece showing an Audi Quattro being driven up the ramp of an enormous ski-jump (in Finland, I believe). There doesn't seem to be any trickery involved, though they do have to try more heavily-spiked tires when it gets stuck at the halfway mark.

You know, Christmas is coming up, and I was thinking . . . I was thinking that if all my loyal readers (and/or spammers) just put away a few pennies a day . . . I was thinking that they'd probably come up a bit short of the $20,000+ that I'd need to get one of these.

But don't you mind. No, don't you mind me. I'll just carry on as I've been doing, playing Colin Mcrae Rally on the Xbox and violently throwing myself out of my chair whenever I hit a tree/wall/ditch.

I seem to hit a lot of trees/walls/ditches playing Colin Mcrae Rally on the Xbox, and the
doctor doesn't think I can take much more of this "realism" -- but I do love it so.

But don't you mind. No, don't you mind me.

There are a couple of other interesting videos here. (Warning: They're all kind of noisy, but in a good way.)

Via grow-a-brain

This is a clip from some Candid Camera-type show. The premise being that a buxom woman, her arms encumbered with parcels, has dropped her car keys into her cleavage and is imploring (male) passersby to fish them out. Hilarity ensues. Probably not safe for work; because as we know, too much blouse-spelunking leads to this, a witty Belgian (if that isn't an oxymoron) PSA.

Turning to more exotic matters, this is a gorgeous animation by Nora Twomey of an Inuit legend. There's some (mainly hinted-at) nudity, but if your officemates start beaking off about it, you can call them cultural imperialists, which should plunge them into dismay and confusion. (Via Screenhead)

Not for the squeamish: A wild animal mauling a child. Warning: Savage jungle drumming.

Update: Here's a longer version of the video. Apparently no permanent damage was done.

Via J-Walk Blog

This is a simple tale of a bird, and a boy, and a water fountain, and . . . well, that's really all there is to it, but it's beautifully done. Music and sfx.

This is far simpler in execution, but with deeper levels of meaning. Something about Einsteinian physics, I think. Minimal sfx.

Enough with the artsy-fartsy stuff. Via grow-a-brain, here's a recreation of the popular game Grand Theft Auto, acted out by, uh, Lego bricks. Warning: Sfx and violence. But c'mon. It's violence against Legos. It's only fair payback for all the pain those little assassins have dealt to bare feet at 3 o'clock in the morning.

A hypnotic animation of "The Cut" by Zombie Nation. Warning: If you have epilepsy or a similar disorder, skip this one.

This is impressive, but it's more of an exercise in Flash programming than any kind of linear narrative. Note the cameraman in the centre -- you can aim and click on the moving balls and on the video screen that then appears on the right.

It has puzzled mankind since time immemorial: What happens when you shoot at pressurized scuba tanks with a rifle? Now we know.

Two videos that I found funny. This one is a short clip of a woman reporter doing a roadside shoot and getting absolutely clobbered when a snowplow speeds by.

Then there's this. I've never been a big fan of the "man getting kicked in the balls" comedy device, usually the surest sign that you're watching a bad movie, but this might be the purest distillation of it. It's filmed like an episode of Candid Camera, with some guy in a clown fright wig running up to what appear to be total strangers and kicking them square in the goolies. Then as they roll around on the ground in pain, the kicker points out the hidden camera, shouting, "Yes, you've been Kicked In The Nuts!"

Well, then, a chance to be on TV! A minor misunderstanding! Backslaps and handshakes all round! Cut to shots of the studio audience roaring with laughter!

I was initially appalled -- is this for real? It soon became obvious that it was a joke, and a pretty good one at that. Safe for work if you don't mind the laughter and the repeated punchline.

Update: I must be getting jaded or something, because I don't even see these things anymore; but Matt at the (very good) Maple Lounge blog informs me that there are in fact pr0n banners on the second site, so click on it at your peril.

Question: Can a Friday Film Fest feature only one film? I don't see why not.

Warning: Some vulgar language about a third of the way through.

Warning: Music, commentary and sfx.

This is probably not a good way to park cars, among other things.

This is definitely not a good way to park a bus.

This, though, is a very good way to park a tire.

The famous B-52 "Stratofortress" bomber. Note how surprisingly nimble it is in flight.

Unfortunately it ends in a fiery crash.

Luckily nobody was killed. Here's why.

John Kerry and John Edwards?

Last seen in November of 2004, the intrepid Senators are now working for a bankrupt Russian company.

There's too much Teutonic weirdness cluttering up my hard drive. So let me share the fortune:

This is some kind of Audi viral marketing campaign. Or possibly a Fritz Lang/North Korean propaganda collaboration.

Odd Audi? Odder Austrian thingy.

This is interesting and well done. I don't have a clue what it's about other than it seems to have some sort of religious theme. (There's also kind of a weird, scraping soundtrack that you might want to turn down if at work.)

Ah, the dream of a personal rocket pack. Previous versions depended on hot, polluting propellent gases -- this one uses abundant, eco-friendly compressed air. They might want to work on some kind of gyroscopic stabilization, though. (Warning: There are some pr0n and sex-related banners on the site. Nothing explicit, but you might want to be careful you don't accidentally click on one of them.)

This one is definitely not safe for work. Why? Well, for one thing, there's music.

For another, there's Celine Dion. Celine Dion doing a Michael Jackson . . . tribute, I guess. Need I say more?

Today our focus is on safety at work. We begin with this animation of how one person ignoring a simple rule can lead to a cascading disaster.

True, not all jobs have obvious hazards. This idyllic day in the life of a reports analyst would seem to present no danger. Besides being caught by the boss, that is. (Warning: both of these first two clips have music -- jazzy, peppy, happy music -- but possibly NSFW nonetheless.)

This fellow, on the other hand, is going to have some splainin' to do to the company safety officer. Not to mention the photocopier repairman.

Just an educated guess on my part, but I think that beer definitely contributed to this.

This isn't about anything in particular, but it sure is purdy. It's by artist Carolina Melis and uses software to generate abstract patterns. (Warning: Music.)

If you've played Counter-Strike, no explanation for this will be required. If you aren't familiar with the game, it's an online first-person shooter. You need a copy of the original Half-Life game and then download an elaborate mod that overwrites all the characters and weapons. You log on to one of the hundreds of games going on at any time, day or night, and become one of a team of ten-or-so terrorists or counter-terrorist troops. The premise is that the terrorists have planted a bomb in a building and the counter-terrorists have two minutes to find it and defuse it.

It's all very exciting -- you race through dark corridors, smashing into walls and crates; and then you race through more dark corridors, smashing into different walls and crates while you try to remember what the "crouch" key is; and then an enemy sniper kills you.

At least that's the way it usually worked for me. So I don't play it too much these days.

Anyhoo, these guys did a live-action version of it and it's a pretty accurate rendition, complete with out-of-synch radio traffic, jittery connections, and the, er, oddly mincing, gyrating style of the combatants. (Warning: Gunshots. Also laughter, if you've ever played the game.)

I've never heard of The Chalets before. Or this song, "Feel The Machine." I'm not sure how well it'd hold up to repeated listenings, but it's a peppy little number.

What's remarkable, though, is their video for it, which is the cleverest thing I've seen in ages.

This isn't about anything in particular, but it sure is purdy. It's by artist Carolina Melis and uses software to generate abstract patterns. (Warning: Music.)

If you've played Counter-Strike, no explanation for this will be required. If you aren't familiar with the game, it's an online first-person shooter. You need a copy of the original Half-Life game and then download an elaborate mod that overwrites all the characters and weapons. You log on to one of the hundreds of games going on at any time, day or night, and become one of a team of ten-or-so terrorists or counter-terrorist troops. The premise is that the terrorists have planted a bomb in a building and the counter-terrorists have two minutes to find it and defuse it.

It's all very exciting -- you race through dark corridors, smashing into walls and crates; and then you race through more dark corridors, smashing into different walls and crates while you try to remember what the "crouch" key is; and then an enemy sniper kills you.

At least that's the way it usually worked for me. So I don't play it too much these days.

Anyhoo, these guys did a live-action version of it and it's a pretty accurate rendition, complete with out-of-synch radio traffic, jittery connections, and the, er, oddly mincing, gyrating style of the combatants. (Warning: Gunshots. Also laughter, if you've ever played the game.)

I've never heard of The Chalets before. Or this song, "Feel The Machine." I'm not sure how well it'd hold up to repeated listenings, but it's a peppy little number.

What's remarkable, though, is their video for it, which is the cleverest thing I've seen in ages.

Michael Jackson, you may have beaten the charges: but you will pay, I swear you will, for what you have done to this young man.

Speaking of Idol rejects, here's a bumper crop of 'em. To be fair, singing in a stadium is a tricky business, what with echoes and dead spots and no monitors or earpieces that I can see.

It also doesn't help to have 50,000 people laughing at you. To be fair, these guys are just plain awful.

To cleanse your palate, as it were, here's some theatre-arts types getting frisky in class. Judging by the reaction of the professor and the other students, it was a successful ambush.

Warning: The third clip has music (and a somewhat stagey, but enthusiastic performance, perhaps imitative of a young Tommy Tune). The first two clips have, respectively, "music," and "You call that music???"

Like you always assume that a gun is loaded, you always assume that a webcam is on. This woman, taking part in a videoconference call, apparently thought her connection was down. It wasn't.

Warning: audio, and also possibly otherwise NSFW.

This reminds me of a Japanese game show I once saw. A car was the big prize -- the trick was that the keys for it were at the bottom of an aquarium filled with crabs.

Warning: audio.

This is a video capture of an Xbox Live session of someone playing Rainbow 6. Make that someone a whiny, obnoxious 12-year-old engaged in a petulant argument with his mother as she attempts to tidy up.

I can see how video games could lead to violence -- me, I would have put up with about a minute of that nonsense before I backhanded the kid across his face and chucked the Xbox out the window.

Warning: The usual gunfire and whatnot; also, the little darling has quite the foul mouth. You might want to give this one a pass if you're on a dial-up connection. It's a huge (42MB) file and takes a long time to load even with broadband.

Update: I originally posted this a couple of weeks ago, but when I rechecked the link, the site had been shut down, having used up about 200 years worth of bandwidth. I googled around for the clip with no luck, but finally found a copy of it on one of those servers that hold large files for a short time, 7 days in this case.

So then, being mindful of my own bandwidth,

This is starting to get tedious, isn't it?

I set about looking for a server to host it. Most of the popular ones, though, like Putfile, have a 10MB size limit, or are crawling with pr0n banners and probably some even less-savory stuff.

I thought about using Google Video, but that requires the viewer to install the proprietary Google Video Viewer. Eventually everyone will probably have it, but it's considered poor form

As compared to bloggers who go on and on and on?

to send readers to some place that requires them to download new software. Unless, of course,

yaddayaddayadda

they want to get it, in which case follow the above link.

I eventually found ourmedia, which you might want to check out for your video (and other media files) storage needs. It has no limits on filesize, no expiry dates, it's sponsored and supported by

. . . tapping watch . . .

heavyweights like the Creative Commons, Tucows and the Internet Archive, and best of all, it's free.

The only downside that I can see is that it's a bit sluggish. Whether that's temporary or not I guess I'll find out. If you click the link, go grab a cup of coffee or something, because it's going to take awhile downloading and buffering it.

And in conclusion,

Hooray!

Oh, shut up.

No, you shut up.

No, YOU shut up!

No, you SHUT UP!

NO, YOU SHUT UP!!!

. . .

And in conclusion . . .

And in conclusion, if you enjoyed that pointless bickering, you're gonna love this.

If I were Hillary Clinton, I would be immediately disavowing any possible connection with this ad, sponsored by Hillary Now, appearing this week on New Hampshire TV stations.

Not because it inaccurately hints at her not-so-secret lust to inhabit the White House in 2008. Not because it's unseemly to be staking out turf so soon.

She should run screaming from it because it's the crappiest piece of animation since The Mighty Hercules.

Credit, such as it is, goes to Bruce Yarock, a veritable one-man buzzsaw of activity, from video "production," to selling motorcycles, musical instruments, Florida real estate (no doubt smack in the middle of the Everglades), and his very own 22-song double CD.

Bruce Yarock? Sorry, Bruce, but Ya Don't.

A short short piece of animation, probably as an experiment, of a girl on a jet-powered hovering motorcycle or something. Very cool. There's background music, though, and the banner at the top of the screen is NSFW.

Furthering the sci-fi theme, this is an advertisement for Microsoft's new something or other. Server software or something. Whatever. I probably won't be buying it, but it's very well done, with a retro Buck Rogers theme. There's music and sound effects, so it might not be SFW. Or maybe your boss hates Microsoft, so take that into consideration.

There's no excuse for this, except that it shows a bunch of pretty women (and one goof) dancing to a catchy song. You should be advised, therefore, that the video contains music, so it might not . . .

Oh, hell. It's Friday. Crank it up.

Okay, the resemblance isn't perfect, at least not in these two pictures. But they're fairly old and both Sheryl Crow and Tom Petty look much more gaunt these days. Especially Petty.

Anyway, it was the best I could come up with on short notice. You think that bl0gging is a glamorous business, friend? Ha! I've spent the last two days trawling through Mozilla forums trying to figure out what's gone wrong with my browser.

I finally got it running again, but there are all sorts of little things that aren't working right. I am not bitter. If I have to start using Microsoft Explorer, I still will not be bitter. Jaded and possibly homicidal, but never bitter. It's such a negative emotion.

Where was I? Ah, yes, Sheryl Crow. I'm linking to this video of hers not because I like the song -- it's rather insipid, and I don't even know the name of it -- but because it's got nice CG effects added to it by a N.Y.-based production house called PSYOP.

It isn't a direct link, so you'll have to click on "Platinum Select," then "Sheryl Crow," and then on one of the two pictures or the "Play" button that appear on the right.

Check out some of their other efforts, too.

Via Ursi's BLOG

Making fun of the way people look is a cheap and disreputable form of humor, so it's something I never (erm, disregard my previous post) do. Having said that, I don't have a problem laughing when other people do it. Like this. Warning: Probably NSFW. There isn't any nudity, but there's music and a fair amount of anatomical description.

But who are we to laugh at true love? Witness these poignant scenes of unrequited passion, as acted out by typographical characters: Act I; Act II; Act III.

There's also an Act IV, but it doesn't seem to have much to do with the first three. I guess the guy just gave up.

Sometimes, though, it all works out, resulting in a house in the 'burbs and a flipbook animation of children's drawings about a familiar song.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. The Video of the Week! And I've still got four other days to play with!

This is actually quite useful for me. One of the real problems I've got is coming up with titles for posts. I've held off on posting some items for days because I couldn't think of suitable titles. With Friday Film Fest; Game of the Week; and now Video of the Week, I can just dump them into those categories and walk away, my conscience (and sanity) unperturbed, sort of.

All this innovation has left no time for searching out interesting videos to show you, so I'll simply reprise this offering from a couple of weeks ago. Actually, it's been recut to intersperse clips of the band, so it's more like a conventional music video now, improving it, by my lights.

The band, Group Sounds, has a page here. They seem to be a fairly hot property, or so I glean from their press kit, partying with the likes of Simon Le Bon and

Jessica Simpson, with a sizeable entourage of bubbly blond clones but minus hubby Nick Lachey, also partied within splashing distance of the bare-arsed rocker after dining at nearby Vento with friends.

Simon Le Bon? Jessica Simpson? You scoff -- but hey, it's more impressive than the guest list for my last party.

This week we have a trio revolving around those perennial favorites, sex and violence.

Which will prevail in a battle between a machine gun and an authentic samurai sword?

The machine gun, fool. (It wasn't exactly a fair fight, as the sword was fixed in place and didn't get any whacks at the gun.) This video shows the blade fracturing almost instantly; when you see it replayed in super slow-motion, though, it survives numerous hits before breaking.

This is a well-acted and filmed comic piece about an unfortunate mixup in birth-control pills.

The comedian Andy Dick was last seen in Canada in April of this year, when his contract to do two nights at an Edmonton comedy club was cancelled after the first night when some patrons complained about his act. Well, color us surprised -- Dick (hee!), one of the comics featured in the movie The Aristocrats, is notoriously raunchy, and likes to play with his penis onstage, among other things.

Here he is in action at a celebrity roast for Pamela Anderson. Very funny. No nudity, but it's probably not safe for work.

Features tonight are from the wonderful world of magic and misdirection.

First up is magician David Blaine, wringing the head off a chicken before horrified spectators. Relax, horrified spectators! It's only a chicken!

You can put a man in a trashcan. But can you keep him there?

This is a re-creation of a prison break in WWII. Note how the German guards fall for an illusion commonly seen in early vaudeville and music-hall productions.

Grubby commerce rears its ugly head with this week's collection of commercials with animation or computer-assisted imagery.

This one shows an Audi AG manuvering through a maze of freeway overpasses that make Los Angeles cloverleafs look modest and restrained.

Those Germans are at it again, in this animated ad for free-range chickens and eggs (if I'm reading it correctly). It's not a direct link -- you'll have to scroll down and click on "Play."

Animation World Network runs a yearly contest highlighting the best of the genre, has put together this year's winners. Here's one extolling the joys of public transit.

To see the others, with explanations of how they were done, go here. Some of them you'll probably recognize, like the famous Nike Golf ad featuring Tiger Woods as a young child "playing" at the British Open.

I have no idea who the Bloodhound Gang is, and I can't make head nor tails of this video, which is drenched in symbolism. Even the title, "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo," seems to be coded in dense military jargon. Is it encrypted? Could it have something to do with Iraq?

The lyrics are a curious string of metaphors that will leave you baffled and scratching your head. I think people will be debating their meaning 40 years from now. It may be the "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" of our age.

But never mind all that. The really exciting thing about this is that former CNN talking-head Tucker Carlson has a new gig as the lead singer for the band. He's traded in his bowtie for an even more ridiculous piece of neckware -- but there's no doubt about it; that's our Tucker!

A pallid and lame selection tonight, almost as pallid and lame as watching a white guy dance.

This is a sort of interactive Flash thing. You guide your character up, up, up, and he sort of interacts with things along the way.

To most critics, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" was the weakest track on the Beatles' Abbey Road album. Apart from Paul McCartney, who wrote it, the Beatles tended to agree. John Lennon in particular hated it:

The song took three days of overdubbing because McCartney imagined that it could be a future single. John Lennon later recalled, "he did everything to make it into a single, and it never was and it never could have been." According to Lennon, the band spent more money on that song than any other on Abbey Road.

I thought the song was stagy and mannered myself, especially when McCartney chuckled during the line "Writing fifty times I must not be so". It sounded too rehearsed, but I've since read here and elsewhere that it was Paul's reaction to John, who was mooning him at the time.

Whatever. This is a good Flash animation of the song, and musically it was perhaps a bit better than I remembered.

Some of that crazy table tennis humor. What will those wacksters think of next?

A tradition at Wrigley Field in Chicago is to have a visiting celebrity lead the crowd in a chorus of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game." Ozzy Osbourne drooled his way through a recent performance, forgetting most of the words. Unfortunately former American Idol contestant William Hung remembered them.

Update: That was apparently filmed at Toronto's Skydome, not Wrigley Field.

I haven't seen this technique before, a sort of interactive Quick Time clip. Wait for it to load and then click on glowing objects in it (teapot, etc.) and the character will respond.

Warning: The subject matter is very dark and unpleasant -- it involves a self-mutilating doll. I'm not being ironic or coy about this. If you're likely to be disturbed by it, please don't click the link.

The streets are strewn with dead leaves and the air is crisp and wintry. It can mean only one thing -- we are in the season of falling. Warning: music.

One should always be polite to the lighting grip in a TV studio. Or he will try to kill you.

What we think of as "risky" is very often not so. An onlooker might be appalled at the recklessness of an act, but the conscientious daredevil has assessed the dangers and instinctively seeks the safest course.

Say you wanted to jump off the roof of a house wearing roller skates. How could that possibly go wrong?

This is a very well done Japanese (subtitles in English) parody of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

There's only the one clip for your perusal today, but note that it is over three times the length of the usual -- seven minutes in all.

That is sort of the unofficial motto of this blog. Seven minutes of entertainment per week. You can take that to the bank.

Let's go on vacation!

Here's the stretch of beach reserved just for you. See how pristine it is -- not a person on it. I wonder why?

Let's go on a safari! (Note: you'll have to hit the play button on this one.)

Speaking of the local wildlife. (Warning: loud music & sound in next two clips.)

Or you could just stay at home and get the same performance for free.

A couple of weird Russian animations here and here (Warning: music and disturbing imagery). Here's a whole bunch of weird Russian animations. Russians are weird. Or at least Russian animators are.

This seems like a remarkably elaborate (and expensive) way to tell a little story about one of life's minor puzzlements -- how you sometimes see a single, orphaned shoe in the street. I guess money's no object for Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich; Adaptation), who apparently directed it.

i'm a man on fire
it's a burning thing
it'll burn on forever

bee gees

I think that that's a metaphor. Anyway, I'm not on fire. These guys are.

Warning: Language in first clip; banners potentially NSFW in second.

Oh, and I'm a day late on this, but to our American friends and neighbours, Happy Thanksgiving!

Guys doing what guys do best: blowing up stuff.

Money quote -- ... because it's old, it's white, but more importantly, because it's French.

Warning: music, sfx, commentary.

There is no doubt about it -- the Japanese are a cruel people. Here they are tormenting poor dumb animals.

And here they are tormenting poor dumb me. Warning: decidedly NSFW.

and i can’t climb out of this hole
it’s just like cats in a bowl
see the same old hares
running to the same old holes

dinosaur jr.

Warning: music in second clip; third possibly NSFW, depending on how cool your office is with interspecies miscegenation, or attempts thereof.

Like the recut of The Shining, A Christmas Gory reworks a seasonal classic for its own purposes. (For this clip you'll need to select your connection speed -- for the next one, click on its title, the first one listed.)

In the spirit of ecumenism we present Miss Sarah Silverman's Hanukkah lament. (Shall we say that the language is somewhat, ah, irreverent?)

Oh deer. It seems that Mrs. Claus is withholding her charms; Santa is looking for alternatives.
(Warning: Mildly NSFW.)

Very good, class. Next week we will discuss proper use of the safety.

Bonus footage! Sometimes you can have too much safety. U.S. Navy guys firing off (I think) a torpedo. Warning: Language. Those sailors, they are a salty crew.

we're leaving together
but still it's farewell
and maybe we'll come back
to earth, who can tell

europe

You might recall a rather cheesy 80s hit, The Final Countdown, by the Swedish band Europe. Or you might not. Either way, this is the worst version of it you will ever hear, performed by some godawful band at a country fair or something. At least the audience seems to be digging it.

Try it at someone else's place.

The old flour-in-the-hair-dryer stunt, eh? How childish.

Powdered wallpaper paste is much funnier.

forgot my six-string razor - hit the sky
half way to memphis 'fore i realised
well i rang the information - my axe was cold
they said she rides the train to oreoles

mott the hoople

FAA radar tracking FedEx planes trying to land at Memphis amidst a string of thunderstorms. Watching this, I have two observations:

1. They certainly play peppy music in the control tower; and

2. Has FedEx got a freaking unbelievable number of airplanes, or what?

Via Cynical-C Blog

Warning: Some sounds.

Darth Vader has bad news. The Emperor is not happy.

Via Cynical-C Blog

A CG simulation of a large asteroid or meteor hitting the Earth. On the bright side, it probably means you can forget about scraping up your next mortgage payment.

There's music and sfx. Also narration by a Japanese woman. I don't understand Japanese, but she seems remarkably chipper about it, all things considered.

Possibly the strangest workout video ever, not least for the weird Japlish exhortations, which seem to cover proper robbery etiquette and/or typical secretarial pool chatter.

The music is a good fit, though.

I posted about this a couple of days ago and couldn't resist putting up another clip.

I've since found out that these come from a Fuji TV program called Zuiikin English. To quote from its webpage:

Program just according to title, those which adjust gymnastics to the English conversation. Each time with beginning, this English conversation will be made to remember to explanation and that muscle of the muscle which is forged in the time! With program keeps advancing under the concept which is said. First, there is a dramatic sketch of the kind of situation which uses the English conversation, image stops at the place where that conversation is made. Suddenly, ZUIIKIN GALS 3 of the leotard form appearing the oral [zu] while seeing, in the set like certain bureau gymnastics program, the English conversation vigor it repeats the gymnastics which it adjusts to tempo well. Just, you say that the nature and the English conversation are attached to the body in the movement and simultaneous, it is the program which should curve. As for the muscle which 1st is forged by the way with time thigh direct muscle.

Er, rather, to quote from the Google translation of the webpage. In any event it was (the program doesn't seem to be broadcast anymore) a whimisical way of teaching English. Here's a more contextual view of how it worked. (The ridiculous guy with the handkerchief on his head is apparently a "dorobo," a subspecies of Japanese criminal. Probably a very unsuccessful breed, at least as far as disguises go.)

Who knows? Maybe this fusion of kinesis and language serves as a useful aide-mémoire.

Though I would find it disconcerting to talk to an attractive Japanese woman and have her break out in a display of calisthenics.

Mind you, I would find it disconcerting to talk to an attractive Japanese woman, period. But that's just me.

Chuck-B 3000 and his homies shake it like a Polaroid.

A satirical Australian TV show uncovers some cracks in airport security. Mildly funny, but they could have killed with the infamous "Mike Hunt" zinger. (And I am getting impatient waiting for those dopey golf commentators to figure out that "Mike Weir" sounds like "my queer.")

Steve H. at Hog On Ice is convinced that all TV weathermen are gay. I don't know if that's a fair categorization or not; however, this guy tends to lend credence to his theory.

Click picture to start. Warning: Much shrieking.

I hesitate to call this "martial arts" unless it's in the category of best comic performance. The "William Tell" routine made me laugh harder than the last three Hollywood comedies put together.

Warning: Blood-chilling battle cries, usually followed by the sickening thump of flab on the wrestling mat.

I guarantee this is the strangest video you're going to see this week -- nay, this decade. It's from some kind of Japanese game show where contestants attempt to shout out tongue-twisters.

Failure is not an option. Warning: Violence, albeit of a humorous nature. When it happens to someone else, that is.

New mothers. Always overreacting. Warning: Embedded video and audio.

Wow. I'm not a fan of many editorial cartoonists, but I'll have to make an exception for Nick Anderson of the Houston Chronicle.

I'd never given it much thought, but there's no reason why a talent for caricature and satirical wordplay shouldn't be transferable to a new medium.

Thus, Hillary's Baggage, an animation using 3-D software and set to a parody of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps." Very well done.

If you want to get an idea just how humorless Hillary-lovers and Hillary-haters can get, scroll down to read some of the comments.

Alan Becker's Animator vs. Animation (above) was an amusing story of an animated stick figure at war with its creator, trashing his Flash software in the process. Now he's come out with the sequel, where the little monster destroys the rest of his computer.

Link. Note that it isn't embedded -- you'll need to click on the "watch film" button at the left (and sit through a short commercial) to play it. Warning: Sound effects.

A short film by Bruno Bozzetto that apartment dwellers should be able to relate to. There's probably some subtle point to the jets taking off, but it's all a bit over my head.

Warning: Music and sfx.

is a German firm that specializes in computer graphics for movies. It's presently working on the upcoming 300, an adaptation of Frank (Sin City) Miller's graphic novel about the Battle of Thermopylae.

A couple of demos, showing various water, smoke and fire effects; and the crash landing of a jet.

A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious recutting of Mary Poppins to reveal the axe-murderess within. I always knew that Julie Andrews was just plain evil.

Warning: Sounds, and don't blame me if you can't get to sleep tonight.

Warning: Cheesy music of some sort.

Now that's entertainment! And this, and this.

Warning: Sounds. Also, judging by the comment threads at YouTube, some people seem to find it disturbing:

jaathan

This was suppose to be a fun toy for kids. You retards. Go get a life.

xcountryflyer

Utterly horrible!

Twis7ed

How was this funny at all? Are you all immature boys that didn't mature?

Nintendo probably doesn't need my advice, but I think that this little fella would make a tremendous spokesbaby.

Warning: Unearthly laughter. I think the kid might be possessed.

Via kerplonka!

A clever and very well done animation, about eight minutes long. It's by Blur Studio, a leading computer graphics firm, creator of the Academy Award-nominated Gopher Broke.

Warning: Music and sound effects in both.

Update: Spoilsports. See if I give them any more free publicity.

Update update: You can't keep a good pirate down. See it here, until the lawyers find it, that is.

a cat-washin' chimp . . . you got your cat-washin' chimp.

Warning: Music, other noises.

She's only human (we think).

If you can't quite place the weirdo, he was the star of this video making the rounds about a month ago. Warning: Link opens up YouTube video, with extreme moron content.

I thought that it had gone defunct, but there seem to be new clips from the Zuiiken English show popping up. If you haven't seen it, it's a very strange (is there any other kind?) Japanese exercise/language-training program. In this episode we go to the doctor's office. Or something.

I've written about the Zuiikin babes before. Here's another video. (Warning: Target page may have objectionable content.).

This link to a YouTube video is now broken, but there's some additional background material on the show.

Via The Presurfer

Stickman How We Met - video powered by Metacafe

A cute animation on unusual canvases, sort of a viral campaign for Samsung mobile phones, I think. There was some discussion on a message board where I found it whether the animation was later added by computer, but apparently not: I went to the artists' website to learn that it took more than 3600 drawings with gel pens, markers and eyeliner (among other things) and four days' worth of photography.

Warning: Music.

How do you say it . . . tension between the anchorman (a dead ringer for The Simpsons' Kent Brockman) and the reporter in this clip from a New York FOX affiliate. It is subtle, but alert viewers may be able to spot it.

http://view.break.com/467869 - Watch more free videos

It is said * that a cell phone stores the energy -- positive or negative -- of its owner, to be released only by the magical power of microwaves. So if you see this guy coming . . . run.

Warning: SFX

------------------------------------------------
* Well, mainly by me, but feel free to run with it.

Via The Presurfer

A revolutionary new therapy has this wounded warrior practically crawling off the stretcher to get back into the fray.

They are simultanously nowhere and . . . everywhere.

Animated .GIF via b3ta

Missing is the hilarious (albeit somewhat bloody) finale, when the robot attempts to install him as a hood ornament on an '09 Cadillac.

Warning: Laughter, sound effects.

A good thing the linesmen broke this up when they did, because I think that that goon Alexander Semin was planning a devastating "pinkbelly" attack that could have effectively ended both players' careers.

Given that this is a commercial for Durex condoms, be advised that it may be NSFW. You might want to turn down the sound, too.

Be further warned that it's as funny as hell.

Short "outtakes" here.

A time-lapse film shot at the iconic crosswalk outside the Abbey Road studios at what seems like the height of tourist season. It's especially troubling to watch them stretcher off the surviving pedestrians, four at a time. Also the guy on the left, mooning everybody at 1:34.

This is apparently a video called "Garble Arch (A Day in the Life of Abbey Road)."

A cheap attempt at cashing in on The Beatles? Blame Ringo would beg to differ.

Via A Welsh View

Well, they had to come from somewhere, right? So my guess would be the wild windswept bluffs of Washington.

Some people obviously have a lot of time on their hands. Warning: Music, SFX.

I couldn't embed this -- the embed button seems to be broken -- so you'll have to go here to pay your respects. It's a well-known website and everything was SFW the last time I looked. Warning: Excessive "awww" factor.

Japanese Human Slip-n-Slide - Watch more Funny Videos

iI don't know what the prizes are for these Japanese game shows -- but really, who cares? The process is its own reward, one might say.

Beats arm-wrestling that old coot Bob Barker for a washing machine, anyway.

I've written about Zuiikin English before, here
and here. The links on those pages are undoubtedly broken by now, so here's an up-to-date list on YouTube.

Viral ad for Nokia's N-Gage mobile games. The jerky stop-motion animation technique (sometimes called pixilation) was used most famously for Norman McLaren's 1952 Oscar-winning short, Neighbours.

All things considered, more people will probably see the Nokia ad; but it is funnier, truth be told.

Via The Red Ferret Journal

Warning: Music, sfx, excessive cuteness.

I almost bought into this one, but a Google search for it turned up this link.

Via Neatorama

Your standard cats-on-a-loop confection. Then things get weird.

Warning: Music and the possible meows of Satan hisself.

One of those SPCA adopt-a-dog seqments goes tragically out of control on a Surrey (B.C.) newscast.

Via The Presurfer

He hits the deck without so much as a whimper.

Warning: Music.

Warning: Music.

Via urlesque

Warning: A shocking lack of professionalism.

If you've been troubled and confused by the Tiger Woods story, this helpful CGI animation (or possibly a Sims extension pack) from a Taiwanese TV station should set things clear. Comments from Digg.

Warning: People speaking Gibberish, or some other foreign language.

The grey cat at the rear seems to have it figured it out, opting for only an upper body workout (or possibly using it as a scratching-post). If you're curious about the title or the music, it's a tribute to OK Go's indie rock hit "Here It Goes Again" of a few years ago, which won every video award in sight.

Hellacopters drummer trashes ice drum set from purity withatwist on Vimeo.

I do not know this band "Hellacopters" nor its former drummer Robban Eriksson. But he plays with an icy precision.

The name "purity withatwist" appears to be that of the videographer. Here's a short video on the making of it (and the drum kit), for a promotion by Icehotel, a Swedish franchiser of bars built of ice.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Warning: Music (and language within song).

PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN.
Uploaded by onemoreprod. - Independent web videos.

A clever short film showing the invasion of New York by 8-bit video characters.

Warning: Video game sounds.

The Johnny Cupcakes Suitcase Tour stop at Kamp Grizzly was epic. Johnny brought a great crowd, his limited edition tour gear and the inspiration for Kamp's Cupcake Cannon. Portland's Kamp Grizzly developed a steam-punk style pneumatic cupcake cannon and set the stage for eating frosty delights at 120psi. The blasting buffet was documented in at 700fps coming off the Phantom HD Gold. As the evening shook down, cupcake enthusiasts continued to step in front of the cannon and camera. Some shaking in their boots, others perched in zen-like states, ALL were covered in delicious frosting, spongy cake, and showered in a mist of sprinkles.

I have no idea what's going on here, but it certainly is colorful enough.

Warning:I Loud music. It's "I Don't Wanna Speak" by Guidance Counselor, in case you're interested.

Warning: Er, sounds.

Via The Presurfer

the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

A quote popularly attributed to Albert Einstein. To test the thesis (and keeping with the astronomical theme) let's go to the tape:

Q.E.D.

It's satire; but zany enough that I can see Dear Leader running with it. I suppose it's better for the neighborhood than building atom bombs.

Via The Presurfer

That's one way to put it. I'd think this guy has a lock on the -- admittedly niche -- market for bagpiping unicyclists playing the theme from Star Wars.

Last I looked, he was second in voting at Neatorama's GTFO contest. No, I have no idea what GTFO is and I'm afraid to ask. Just go vote for him or he's threatening the nuclear option: Show tunes.

Judging by the amount of smoke coming from it, this poor beast was not long for the world; but then the kindly Dr. Brick Kevorkian comes along to give it a gentle push into the beyond. If you watch only one machine snuff video this year, let this be the one.

Via The Presurfer

Some scientifically-minded types broke apart some 30+ glowsticks and dumped the contents into someone's (probably not theirs) toilet tank. The result? An e'er-shifting kaleidoscope in the bowl, the truly Technicolor toilet. Probably quite hypnotic if you're on ecstasy.

Warning: The language is about what you'd expect from a bunch of guys in a bathroom.

They do seem to be having a pretty good time on Lufthansa, in comparison to, say, JetBlue.

Via Attuworld

NY Times:

Sesame Workshop, which produces the long-running PBS children’s show "Sesame Street," said on Thursday morning that it would not show a music video planned for the coming 41st season of the series that features the pop singer Katy Perry, citing in its decision an outcry from viewers who had seen the suggestive video online.

The video features Ms. Perry singing a parody of her song "Hot ‘N Cold" accompanied by the "Sesame Street" character Elmo. Ms. Perry, who is known for playful if sexually provocative videos like "California Gurls," wears a low-cut dress in the "Sesame Street" video, and Elmo is seen running at the hem of her dress while they sing lyrics like, "How am I supposed to play with you?/You’re up and you’re down/You’re running around/You’re fast and you’re slow/You’re stop and you’re go."

You be the judge.

Me, I find it completely charming.

Of course, much of that is due to Katy's charms. She's a lot easier on the eyes (and ears) than, say, Lady GaGa.

Now that I think of it, so is Elmo.

Farmington, Utah:

While the state has yet to officially cancel any events involving horses that might have been exposed to a local recent equine herpes outbreak, owners and arenas are taking precautions.

Because of the outbreak, contestants at the Davis County Sheriff's Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest had to cowgirl up Thursday night without their mares.

Instead of competing on horses, as is typically the case, contestants were asked to trot around the arena with stick horses as their show ponies.

"There, there, Rocky. Bullwinkle's gonna get things all fixed up."