the blog quebecois

I still say you get more pumpkins with honey than with magical shooting stars.

A shotgun is better than both, but it doesn't seem to be an option.

When the estimable Ghost of a Flea rates something as an "extreme time-waster", consider yourself warned.

Sure, the language is Italian, but the urge to throw wadded-up pieces of paper at your co-workers is common to all cultures. (Click on "Gioca" in the upper-left corner to play.)

Maybe I don't get out enough, but I've noticed a new -- new to me, at any rate -- trend of companies advertising with Flash and other online games.

The corporate tie-in with video games is of course nothing new; from games piggybacking on popular movies (Lord of the Rings, Spiderman) or product placement or signage in sports and racing games (Electronic Arts refuses to say how much money it makes this way, take that as you will).

It works the other way too, with gaming companies paying licence fees for trademarked names and endorsement.

Now these. I think it could prove quite effective for both parties: low cost advertising and increasingly-professional games.

So, from the soon-to-be-released movie Dawn of the Dead, a zombie shooter.

And a Pacman-style game where the power dots are Lipton's Cup of Soup.

This is a natural. Set some comical sheep flying and tumbling and the obvious question is: How can I shoot at them?

Busy busy busy. Here's a couple of links for ya.

Just think of the wonderful flexibility you'd have if you didn't have flesh.

I used to have one of these, but I stepped on it one night, and it was no more.

The object of this game is to drive the little van off the road, whereupon it explodes. At least I hope that that's the object, because I'm getting pretty good at it.

sharp darts spitting masters
spitting darts faster
shut up I'm the driver, you're the passenger

-- the streets

What better way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon than wandering down to the local pub to play darts?

Of course, you'll want to quaff a few beers while doing that.

But beware, Dartman! Too much beer can lead to, er, erratic micturition.

i’ll buy you tall, tall trees
on all the waters and the seas
i’m a fool, fool, fool for you

-- alan jackson

Peggy Noonan on John Kerry:

It's OK that he looks like a sad tree, but you can't look like a sad, hollow tree. And it looks a little hollow in there.

He looks even sadder when getting beaten up by George Bush. (Bush looks more like Paul Wolfowitz -- but I quibble.)

I really haven't had time to write anything the last couple of days, so the least I can offer is a couple of games -- duck shooting, which everyone understands; and cricket, which nobody understands (well, not me, anyway).

What's my secret for finding obscure games that nobody wants to play? I don't know. It's a gift. It's as if God pointed His finger at me and said:

"Let there be lawn bowling."

You wanted it. You demanded it. And now you've got it:

Cat bowling.

This is kind of cute. Actually, a bit too cute. But the music is good. Even if it drives you stark raving bonkers after five minutes.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So this is the idea. Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel (or possibly Beavis and Butthead) are playing a tennis match. In the finals of the U.S. Open, no less. And you're the umpire.

I know what you're thinking: Bring. It. On.

(Worksafe except for music and sfx.)

Via anil's daily links

This has got me stumped. It looks simple -- steer the car through the maze -- but if there's a way to do it, it's beyond my powers of deduction.

Click on the green triangle to start. When the car comes to an intersection, some of the triangles will light up, indicating the directions you can go.

None of which will take you any closer to your goal. Not worksafe, because you'll be screaming with frustration after 10 minutes.

oh, i blessed him as he bled
oh at last, the king is dead
god save the queen

-- phil ochs

For a bunch of socialist weenies, the BBC puts out some interesting and informative historical games. (A whole lotta them here.) This is a murder mystery set in 80 A.D. Rome. I didn't have time to more than glance at it, but you might find it worthy of perusal.

Or if you're after more cerebral fare, you can play paper dolls with Anna Kournikova.

I have a certain genius for dressing the female form, yes?

Warning: Music on the Kournikova link (which isn't a direct link -- click on Play This Game on the right side of the screen). Anna is fully clothed. At least to start with.

A potentially addictive little game. There's music, but it's quiet and unobtrusive.

Via waxy.org

I'm not really sure what this site's about, but it's got 3D car racing in a topsy-turvy world of kaleidoscopic horses and spinning turtles. What more do you need?

Warning: Music.

I think we can all agree that the prospects of the European Union are dim indeed, if this is any indication.

This is an odd but addictive shooting game. It's in Japanese, but easy enough to figure out: Click on either of the buttons on the title page, then point and click to shoot. Spacebar to reload.

Did I mention that it's Japanese? Ah so, so it's impossible to figure out.

Shoot the tumbling beer (?) bottles. Shoot the tumbling clock to stop the countdown clock for a few seconds. You can shoot the owl perched on the sign, but it doesn't seem to do anything except make the owl look sad.

Don't shoot the tumbling fish, as that will cause a giant demonic kitty to materialize, obscuring your view.

Did I mention that it's Japanese?

Bah. Sony's sponsoring this Armchair Games competition. The game isn't terribly interesting and the music is interestingly terrible, but I thought it'd be worth enduring, because the prize is a 37" flatscreen plasma TV.

So I played it, filled out the entry form, then clicked on Terms and Conditions to find out it's only for residents of the U.K. Which would explain the drop-down list of countries.

Bah. OTOH, if you happen to live in the U.K., go for it.

I was going to write a long, funny, insightful, masterly post today, but I got sidetracked by this instead.

You try to set up an electrical grid to light up all the components. Hellishly difficult, especially trying to make the border conductive (which you very much need to do to win)

Via Fazed

Look, I'm not the world's biggest curling fan -- I barely know the rules -- but this doesn't seem like a very good simulation.

For one thing, there's no sweeping, and curling without sweeping is like hiphop without the bling bling.

Or something like that.

What with Halloween coming up, I thought that I should post this warning.

Don't give me that crap about witches being peace-loving skyclad nature worshippers. Instead, they like to fly around on brooms, snatch up innocent kids and put them in boiling cauldrons, presumably for a late night snack, and this proves it.

Via Diversionz

This is a cute, if sexist game. Check out the oddly-mincing minxes, but don't let your girlfriend catch you, because then she'll hit you in the head.

Safe for work, but don't let your boss catch you, because then he'll hit you in the head.

When I think of Honda's EU diesel engine division, I of course think of lovable bunny rabbits scampering around a grid, gobbling up carrots and smashing things with a large sledgehammer. Or maybe it's another one of those pesky acid flashbacks.

Via Fazed

oh the weather outside is frightful
but the fire is so delightful
and since we've no place to go

we might as well play these stupid games.

You'll notice that I just didn't pick just any three stupid games. These are three stupid games that share common thematics. Thus I have achieved dramatic unity.

Or whatever. Enjoy!

It's hard to adequately convey the thrills and chills of snowmobile racing in a computer game. See here for confirmation of that rule.

This is more amusing, but I still say it'd be more authentic with Fred's feet sticking out of the bottom of the sled.

It's not all fun and games, you know. Some people have to work.

I am so going to Hell for this. OK, it's only mildly blasphemous, so maybe I can negotiate it down to a few weeks in Purgatory.

OK, keeping with the animal theme, here's a game that deserves marks for originality. Or something.

i know a boy, a boy called trampoline
You know what i mean
i think you know what he wants

u2

I have no idea what he wants. Probably sex. On a trampoline. With the Party Girl.

While pondering this riddle, you might want to play a dopey game, financed, I note, with Canadian taxpayer dollars. It's actually preferable to most of the other things that the Canadian taxpayer funds.

I keep a long list of links for emergency use, i.e., when I absolutely cannot think of anything to write.

Even those choices are looking especially lame tonight, but there you have it.

Now that I've fired up your hopes, here's a fun game!

And here's another!

it gets boring just looking
i feel like Bill Cosby
pouring in the pudding

cam'ron

OK. I'll explain this as best I can. You are the noted comedian Bill Cosby, handing out pudding to people on the street, then clonking them over the head with your camera and dragging their bodies away to bury in a pit. Sometimes this wins you cash, or more pudding. Once you've got enough cash, or buried enough bodies, you can make a phone call and flee.

If your camera breaks or if you run out of pudding, you can go to the city to get it fixed or buy more pudding. For some reason the store is run by Rosie O'Donnell.

I give up. The instructions are displayed before you start the game. I couldn't link to it directly, but go here and click on Play This Game on the right-hand side, approximately in the middle of the screen.

Warning: Music, sound and violence, if of a rather cartoonish variety.

Via Screenhead

My host was down and I was otherwise indisposed for much of the day, so I've had to dip into gnotalex's Big Box O' Links to provide you with your Minimum Daily Allotment of Amusement. And when I say "minimum," you can take that to the bank.

If you find this more than mildly (and briefly) amusing, you might need help. It's your standard cute airplane shooter fighting off waves of flying saucers or something. (You don't need to install the Japanese font - just use the arrow keys to steer and the spacebar to shoot.)

This is kind of interesting. It's a sort of chain reaction thing, and there's no point to it, besides seeing what best single-turn score you can rack up.

This is a simple but addictive game. If you're, uh, researching games at work, you might want to turn down your speakers, because you can't kill the music until you lose your first game. (There's also a loud buzzer when you do die.)

.

I'm in a owly mood, so I have decided to offer you unsolvable puzzles. It's a mean thing to do; but being owly, I don't give a hoot. (This is sort of where the metaphor breaks down.)

Anywhoo, the first two are of the click-on-things-and-hope-something-happens variety. In this one, you try to get the woman home. To get her up the staircase, click on the hanging icicle first. You can also click on the chimney of the cabin in the background and a man will come out to collect wood from the woodpile. That's where the game ends -- or at least it did for me, because I couldn't figure out what the hell to do after that.

This is one of those room-escaping puzzles, in this case a prisoner in a jail. You can smash the light bulb, move the bone around (something to do with the dog, no doubt), and use the dish to gather water to drink and to revive the flower. What you can't do is get out of the cell, or so I concluded after about half-an-hour.

This is a number puzzle that is impossible in the sense that I am generally lousy at these types of games. I'm sure it won't be an insurmountable challenge to those who like the genre. Via A Welsh View.

(All of them have music and/or sfx, but nothing too obtrusive.)

My 6-year-old niece is spending the next couple of days here, which means a lot of Frogger and Kim Possible and The Sims for her, and a dearth of new, exciting posts for you.

In the limited time I could lure her away from the computer ("Claire! Isn't that the . . . ice cream truck??!?"), I managed to rediscover this. It's a slightly reworked version of a sniper game I saw a month or so ago. Pick off the little men before they start shooting back at you.

Or if you'd prefer to shoot at little penguins (with llama spit, I think), you can try this. It's the latest from Yeti Sports.

Be apprised of the typical game noises if at work.

I'm increasingly impressed with the quality of free online games. This one being an example in point. It's a promotional thing for Etnies Surf, a skateboard/surf/BMX/Xgames retailer (mainly clothing and footwear) and it's quite simple in construction. There's only one level that I can see and it's pretty linear -- only one or two ways through it, and the targets are in the same place every time -- but it's in a convincingly 3-D setting and the graphics are, if not up to Tony Hawk standards, then at least detailed enough to make you say, "Hmmm."

The drawback today is still the bandwidth. I've got a fairly good DSL connection, but it still stutters occasionally on this and other byte-rich content. I think that in a couple of years we'll be routinely streaming Xbox and Playstation-quality material. O frabjous day!

Warning: Music, standard skateboarding sounds, pool of blood when he hits the curb or mistimes the cars zooming through at intersections.

Use your arrow keys to steer; spacebar to jump. I think if you do it really really well you might win a pair of shoes or something, but don't quote me on that.

It is true, what they say: French is the language of clever little remakes of mini-putt games. Click on "Jouer!" on the left hand side and beware the cat. He doesn't steal the ball, just emits annoying meows on a regular basis.

I like Ferry Halim's whimsical games on the Orisinal site, but sometimes they get a bit too whimsical, know what I'm sayin'? Take this for example. Four cute little doggies in a race of some kind. You can click your mouse to help them along. Or something. I played it three times and got zero points each time.

There must be some point to it, but damned if I can figure out what it is. Warning: Music.

Update: Duh, try waiting for the instructions for a change. The dogs aren't in competition with each other: you try and space them to jump cleanly across as many balls as possible.

I screwed up my browser unplugging a plug-in that I shouldn't have plugged-in in the first place, so it looks like I'll be spending most of the night fixing it or installing a new one. Your journey here is not all in vain, though. Here are 45 games (simple logic puzzles for the most part) to keep you amused.

A promising new feature from our test labs -- the Game Of The Week!

In my journeys around the Interwebthingy, I frequently come across small games that for one reason or another, I find interesting.

And so this would be the best of the best?

Er, not exactly. If I found something truly outstanding, I'd probably post it that same day. As for these, I think they're worthy of notice and maybe you'll agree.

If you've got a favorite that you'd like other people to know about, please email me (gnotalex -at- gmail -dot- com) or leave a comment.

Our inaugural kicks off with Splashback. You try to clear the board by creating chain reactions. I found it difficult to get beyond the third level.

Via Ursi's BLOG

You've seen those clips on TV where people have set up hundreds of thousands of dominoes and then send them toppling in a spectacular display? I've always thought that something like that would make a good computer game. You could incorporate effects and Rube Goldberg devices that wouldn't be possible in the real world, with the aim of solving puzzles, or "combat" against another player (trying to disrupt his arrangements while blocking him from doing the same to you), or just building big, artistic patterns. Sure, it's kind of pointless, but so's Tetris when you think about it.

Maybe somebody's already done it -- if not, some game developer can run with the idea. No charge. In the meantime, I'll have to make do with this.

Note: it might just be my computer, but the game takes awhile to load, just presenting a blank screen for 30-40 seconds. It's on a Japanese page, but the controls are displayed in English. And if you're at work, you might want to turn down your speakers, because it sho' don't sound like no spreadsheet.

Note the name of the post. Game of the Week. Not Exciting Game of the Week, or Fun Game of the Week, or Addictive Game of the Week. Game of the Week. I'm just telling you this so that you're not getting your hopes up. Sure, I could have called it Boring Game of the Week, or Lame Game of the Week, or Really Really Stupid Game of the Week, but then you probably wouldn't have read this far. Now that you have, what's a little bit more of your time to investigate this, the . . . Game of the Week.

If you can beat my time of 2:37, you will, uh, have beaten my time of 2:37. (That clock runs way too fast -- probably to try to trick you into thinking that you've spent many engrossing minutes playing . . . the Game of the Week.)

I came across this game a couple of weeks ago. It's a well done Sims-style simulation of a McDonald's franchise. I figured the lawyers would be all over it in a few days, because it isn't sponsored by McDonald's and uses its familiar Golden Arches trademark. Checking out the link earlier today, I thought I'd been proven right, as the page had disappeared.

It turns out, though, that they were just having server trouble. They've set up a temporary page for it here. If or when that closes down, the original link is here.

Update: I've only played it for a few minutes and I first assumed that the game was benign and neutral; browsing the site, I came across statements like:

For decades McDonald�s corporation has been heavily criticized for his negative impact on society and envinronment.There are inevitably some glitches in our activity: rainforest destruction, livelhood losses in the third world, desertification, precarization of working conditions, food poisoning and so on� [The designer is Italian, so his English skills are a bit off.]

And links to reviews like this:

The game requires the player to learn and master all the complex techniques of a big international corporation like McDo. You'll bribe South American officials for the rights to clear rainforests for cattle and soy; you'll plump up cattle with additives; you'll coerce and influence government and scientific interests back home; and you'll manipulate your employees to achieve the highest profits.

So who knows what kind of horrors lurk within the game? Maybe McDonald's lawyers will find more things of interest than a simple trademark violation.

An addictive little game I ran across awhile ago. You can easily chew up an hour or two playing it. Click on the bricks to move them. When you get four or more of a color touching, they vanish into the Great Colored Brickyard in the Sky. You get points for that, so don't be sad.

You can eliminate entire rows by moving the bundles of dynamite to them. Use them to blast the longest rows and especially the ones with "stone" bricks in them. Typical game noises, so you might want to turn down your speakers if you're goofing off at work.

Now you don't even have to leave this fine blog for a minute to get your daily fix of hot gaming action!

This, as I see it, maximizes the chance that, blundering around this fine blog in search of more hot gaming action, someone will accidentally click on one of the damn Google ads, thus fattening my bank account by an average of $0.12.4781¢.

That is the theory, at any rate; and if Google asks, you didn't get the idea from me.

Click on Play and use your cursor keys to steer your little cube thing to freedom, or at least the next level. Warning: A few distinctly unbusinesslike sounds.

Or is that title redundant?

We begin our tour with "Katako," which refers to the ancient Shinto tradition of knocking out heel wedges of a woman's shoe. Time it incorrectly and the woman will become "otoshi," or "horizontal," which is normally a promising development, if not for the fact that the woman would likely get up and beat you to death with what's left of her shoe.

OK, I made that part up. Be advised that there's (quite jazzy) music and sfx and no way to turn it off, so turn down your speakers if you must.

This one is is even more inscrutable. You are the pink, friendly bear. Collect the children by moving near them (using your mouse). The brown bear will cause the children to run off in fright.

Silly children! The dangerous bear is you! When you have five or more of them clinging to you, click anywhere on the game screen. The pink bear will discard his mask, revealing . . . an evil robot! The children will run off in fright! But you collect points! And then you put on your pink bear-mask and go hunting for more!

Music, etc.

Hey, that's the name, and I'm sticking to it.

It's a point-and-click murder mystery
and it seems quite well done. I can't report on it more deeply than that, because I was unable to make it out of the first room.

Warning: Music and dialogue on the load and intro screens.

Big hockey game tonight, and I've barely got the time to post this -- but post I shall!

Jungle Adventure

Yer generic horizontal-scrolling game. An advertisement, I think, for some kind of waffle snack. What this has to do with "Jungle Adventure" is anybody's guess.

There's music and an intro, which you can turn off; some sound effects, which you can't.

I thought I should commemorate the start of the World Cup by looking for some soccer (or football, if you must) games.

Turns out there aren't a lot of them -- most are either shootout simulations or using headers or kicks to keep the ball in the air.

I suppose Flash or Java programming for a website has some speed limitations, because the great majority of "realistic" games have only 3-6 players per side, often nothing more than colored dots.

However, I persevered, and eventually found this. It's got complete teams, instant replays, joystick control (if you have one), and a full World Cup schedule.

Of course, I won't be playing it. If I get the urge, I'll pop my FIFA Soccer '04 (I really should update it one of these days) in the Xbox. So, nyah.

Or maybe I'll start practicing this.

Warning: All links have music and sounds.

It's the seventh game of the Stanley Cup, and I don't have a lot of time for this blogging stuff. So go fly a kite. Warning: Music, but of the mild, kite-flying variety.

The goal is to swat the cockroaches before they crawl all over the sleeping guy and cause him stress, waking him up. I would think that having someone swat cockroaches while I was trying to sleep would be stressful all by itself. It certainly would be an incentive to find another place to sleep. Warning: Sounds.

They're not kidding. I wasn't able to make it past the seventh level -- the top score is an unbelievable 773.

You get 20 seconds to knock down an arrangement of dominoes, squashing a tomato (I think) in the bargain. If you clear all the dominoes, you get a time bonus. For each one still standing, you lose a second on your next attempt. You can elect to pass on any of three stages.

To restart the game, click on "Quit" in the upper right of the Game Over or high score screen. Warning: Music and sounds.

As you might gather from the name, this is a 3D version of Tetris. It's actually a port of an old DOS game called Blockout, which I played a lot, more years ago than I care to remember.

It looks quite difficult, but it's brilliantly designed and very intuitive. I actually found it easier to play than the original Tetris. There are some unobtrusive sound effects.

Or if you'd rather have a copy of Blockout itself, you can get it here. It's a ZIP file, so you'll need a program like WinZip or 7-Zip to unpack it. It runs fine on a modern machine in either a DOSbox or from Windows. The sounds don't play though, at least in Windows XP.

If you're looking for some other older games, the above Home of the Underdogs is the premiere "abandonware" site. It collects games from publishers no longer in business, or who've given their OK to distribute a particular game.

If you're anything like me, the sport of show jumping leaves you cold; of interest, primarily, when the horse stops short and the rider goes flying off his mount.

Nevertheless, this simulation is nicely done and worth a look. There's music (appropriately, classical) and sound effects, most notably the clop clop clop of hooves.

Via Ursi's Blog

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times: "gnotalex, when will we have more sheep-based entertainment on this fine blog?" And as always, my reply is, "If you don't like the amount of sheep-based entertainment on this fine blog, maybe you'd be happier going to other blogs." And then they say, "Well, just maybe I'll do that," and then I say, "See ya 'round, loser," and then they say, "That's it! I'm really going now," and then BOOM! I slam some quality sheep-based entertainment down.

I'm not proud of it, but I play you people like a violin.

Warning: Whether you're at work or not, you'll want to turn the music off (leftmost top button). Also, you should read the Help file, as some things about the game aren't immediately obvious.

A nice little game that combines Pacman ghosts with a Qix-like interface. You capture parts of the screen by surrounding them; 80% of the territory takes you to the next level. There are typical video game noises, but nothing too alarming.

As you know, I have a strict policy against promoting commercial properties on this fine blog, unless they pay me. However, I have temporarily relaxed this rule so that you might partake of this wildly entertaining * promo game (Warning: Some quiet music and sound effects) for the movie Superman Returns, which opens opened about three months ago.

I guess I'm going to have to start getting up earlier in the mornings if I want to cash in on that crazy blog payola I've been hearing so much about.

* Sort of.

Via Ursi's Blog

It's old-school retro games week on the blog québécois! Behold, a full screen Space Invaders!

You've played it before? That's why it's old-school retro, fool!

Warning: Old-school retro sound effects! And there's no way to turn them off!

Due to popular demand (witness the comments flooding in to my Space Invaders post from yesterday) the old-school retro games extravaganza continues with Frogger (or some variant thereof).

You can mute the sound with your "M" key.

Interesting and simple
in concept. You click on the ball, then on the black flippers to steer it through the red dots, then to the exit point.

Warning: Typical game sounds; it also opens for some obscure reason with a song by Coldplay. So turn your speakers down or up if that's a combination you can't live with or without.

Via Ursi's Blog

You are the owner of a strange world with three houses on it. Protect them from meteor strikes by rotating away when one approaches. You can also purchase some other defensive counter-measures.

Warning: There's music and sound effects, but you can turn them off via the "Settings" option at the main menu.

An entertaining little game. Click on the arrows to steer the ants to their correct targets. (Leaves, bugs and grubs must be delivered to separate tree trunks.) Things get hectic soon enough.

Warning: Music and sound effects.

Because I know you can't get enough of the Halloween links, and also because I couldn't find anything else today, I present K-Mart's Haunted House. The idea being that by providing your email address, K-Mart can bombard you 'til the end of time with spam. Well, the joke's on them. You only have to give your address if you want to save your place in the game. Which you may or may not want to do.

I haven't played enough of the game to determine if it's worth getting K-Mart spam for, but it seems well enough done and suitable for kids. There's music and some sound effects, but you can kill it with the speaker button at the lower right of the screen.

Kill! Kill! Kill!

But gently, with paintballs.

There don't seem to be any limits on ammo, and you automatically reload, so go crazy.

There's music and sound effects, but the only hazard is collecting virtual welts.

If you want to see people collecting real welts, how about some naked paintball?

Warning: Language, and, er, nudity. I leave it to you to guess the sex of the pantsless participants. You really don't think that women would be this dumb, do you?

I've done it. I've finally found a game as banal as the potato-peeling game (which is hosted for some inexplicable reason at the Gorillaz animated hiphop group website).

Without further ado, Match The Socks.

Don't worry, there isn't anything hiding behind them. It's a strange site, some kind of an art project, I think. Click on the squiggle at the bottom of the page to see more of it. All SFW, as far as I've looked, but there are sound effects on some pages.

Dreams of travelling through tunnels have deep significance in Freudian psychoanalysis. When they appear in game motifs, though, they mean nothing. Nutting, I tell you.

Apart from the realization that, if you were flying a missile, you wouldn't necessarily want to fly it into a long tube, steering through rotating locks. You'd think that that'd be obvious, but I thought I'd mention it, anyway.

The little thing in a pool of blood is called a "Puki." They are so cute waddling towards you with the aim of ripping your face off. There's some kind of a backstory about them, but I frankly don't believe a word of it.

All I know is that you should kill them before they kill you.

Warning: Some sound effects in both.

Yes, it's that time of the year again, when we give thanks for all our blessings.

No, wait. It's the Americans who do that. Well, I hope you're happy, you arrogant turkey-murderers.

Me, I celebrate more prosaic matters, such as:

[World Toilet Organization founder Jack] Sim said World Toilet Day could be celebrated in various ways.

"Some do it by cleaning together," he said from Bangkok, where he was touring a school toilet as part of the World Toilet Expo. The WTO [you would think that the World Trade Organization might have a problem with the acronym] was a key organizer of the event, at which hundreds of delegates discussed how to help the more than 2.6 billion people, including 1.9 billion in Asia, without access to proper sanitation.

A worthy goal. To get you in the mood, here's a (well done, considering) game where the object is to manage a public washroom. You are the intrepid attendant, doing battle against dirt and various fecal coliforms (the brown things) while buying new toilets, urinals, and sinks for your clients (the blue things), who tend to befoul the floor otherwise.

I think I got this from Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities, but I'm not sure. I've had the link for awhile, and this is the first chance I've been able to use it. For that, I too am grateful.

Warning: More-or-less SFW. There's music, which you can mute with a button at the upper right of the screen. It also, at least on my machine, takes a long time to load.

Ugh. What a day. The power was out most of the afternoon, which kind of puts a crimp in one's computer activities. Then the power came back on and the smoke alarm shortly went off in celebration. This is one of the type that runs on the house current and I assumed that it was on a separate circuit. If a fire destroys the breaker panel, you don't want to lose the alarm protection with it. An ear-splitting search for a breaker or fuse for it turned up nothing, though, so it was back to the main panel flicking (the unmarked) switches until I found the one that controlled it.

Then, of course, I had to go and reset all the clocks, etc., that I'd previously reset when the power came back on.

So that you might have some glimpse of the frustration I've had, I drop into your laps The Package. It's a bomb that you've got fifteen minutes to defuse. The picture shows the second screen -- the first requires you to find a 4-digit combination. It's easy, though. Just check each number as you enter it. Once the green light comes on, go to the next dial.

Warning: Music and sfx.

I'm not sure how Christmas-y it is, but there's snow and ice, so at least it fits the season. A Super Mario Bros. type of side scroller, you'll figure it out soon enough. Best of all, there are 24 levels, so if you conquer just one a day, you'll have guaranteed entertainment up to -- and including -- the holy day itself. Plus four more days after. It's kind of eerie the way that works out, don't you think?

Warning: Music, etc.

Via Ursi's Blog

This will probably be the simplest game you've played this week, or the week before. Click on the blue lettering (It's in Japanese or Chinese or Korean or something) to start; and thereafter anywhere on the screen once you figure the blue balls have achieved a critical mass.

Spare me the snide remarks. There is no other way that I can think of to describe blue balls. They are blue, and they are balls.

Warning: Explosion sounds when things, er, explode.

LineRider was a simple but addicting application in which you drew a line and then set a little fellow sledding down it. Some people, in spite of its limited drawing tools and interface, created quite elaborate worlds (Warning: Music) to slalom through. My efforts at it were somewhat less successful, with my sledder crashing and burning at the first opportunity; or else missing a jump and spiralling down, down, down through infinity. Or until I hit the stop button.

LineRider 2 came out a couple of weeks ago, and it's got more and better tools, especially an eraser.

Or (via Ursi's Blog) you could try SkiBattle (pictured), which allows you to add clip art, snow and music. The site isn't complete -- the link to a forum where you can post your creations and discuss them isn't active yet.

I still wipe out on a regular basis, so I'm thinking that there's a big problem with these programs.

Eyezmaze' s latest version of its Make puzzle. This one is actually quite easy to solve -- the picture at left shows the victory screen, which I got to after a couple of tries. I'm sure there's some underlying logic to the thing, though it seems rather inscrutable. But the charm of these is in the quirky, cheerful animations that you'll trigger along the way.

Warning: Music, but you can mute it with a button at the lower right.

To help you get in touch with the materialistic aspects of Christmas, two games (via Ursi's Blog):

In Santa Toss you bring the bling by dropping it down chimneys. (The type of present is pictured on the roof of the next house.)

Snow Line is yet another variant of LineRider. Get the goods by drawing a line to them, and then to the finish line. Warning: Both games have music, but you can mute it in the second. (Speaker button at the top.)

I will leave you to your undignified grubbing for presents, and this blog will go dark for the remainder of the season. Perhaps great and earth-shaking events will compel breaking my silence for a world hungry for my thoughts (Stop laughing. It could happen); but if not, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all.

A great little timewaster. You get a certain amount of gold (and sometimes other "currencies") that you use on each turn to buy towers to defeat the waves of enemies trying to make their way through the maze. For hints on strategy, you can visit the game forum here.

Warning: Sounds, which you can turn off with a button at the top left. However, hearing the shrieks of the attackers as your cannon mow them down lends a certain je ne sais quoi to the battle.

An interesting (trans: I couldn't find anything else to link to, as God is my witness) little toy, something like a Spirograph. You can adjust the lengths and axes of the rotor; or you could go get another beer. Your call.

Via J-Walk Blog

I think I know what happened here. The driver was obviously attempting to steer with his arrow keys.

Warning: Sound effects.

This is a simple concept if I've ever seen one, but beautifully executed. Just connect the dots in order. If you miss a number -- say going 1-2-4 before touching 3 -- you start the level again. Score is determined by your cumulative time through twenty levels.

Warning: Perky, perky, perky music that will drive you mad, mad, mad.

I don't go looking for them, but if I encounter one, I am compelled to finish it. Before I delete it from my bookmarks on account that I am getting nothing else done, you might want to look at JigZone. It has a wide variety of good-looking puzzles, any of which can be cut into as many as 247 pieces (an eye-glazer, to be sure), in many different patterns. If you register with the site, you can upload your own pictures. It also sells traditional cardboard puzzles, the biggest having 18,000 pieces. That's a bit too involved for even me.

If you have a blog or a webpage, you can embed any of the puzzles. The minimum width, though, is 700 px, which blows up my formatting most impressively.

All of the thrills of slot-car racing with none of the dangers!

See, the italics are what makes this link irresistably clickable. When you arrive at your destination, there you will find a blank screen, on which you can construct the slot-car track of your dreams. Assuming the slot-car track of your dreams fits on one screen.

It actually isn't bad. It would have been nice to be able to build bigger tracks, add scenery, etc., but whaddya want for free?

You control your car by clicking on its icon (or use the D or K keys) at the bottom. There are five selectable levels, of which 1 is the easiest.

Warning: Typical slot-car sounds. Also some voice offering inane commentary when your car flips off the track. I think it's meant to be humorous.

It seems like an unpromising premise for a game -- man loads crates onto trucks -- but this is so well done that it deserves a look.

There are 43 (!) pages of instruction, but they're all illustrated and the concepts and controls are easy to understand.

Warning: Music and sfx, but you can toggle them off at the lower left of the opening screen.

Steer the balloon using the fan (slightly to the left in the picture) and collect stars and other objects while avoiding the walls, which are covered with sharp spikes for some reason.

If the graphics seem somewhat Nintendoesque, there's a reason for that. The game (and all the others on this site) are optimized to work with the Nintendo Wii (though if you don't have one, your mouse will do just fine). It's not an official Nintendo site; the games for the most part are programmed by amateurs. If you can work with Flash and the WiiCade API, you, too, can upload your own efforts.

Warning: Sounds and music, both of which can be muted from the splash screen.

A simple little game that will drive you into a homicidal fury.

I'm not sure if that's a recommendation or what.

You push the solid white ball to the target -- the rotating circle with "Next" in its centre. Solid white lines block you and the dark blue spheres suck you into oblivion. You can play it either in "Push" mode, where the number of pushes is tracked or in "Time Attack" mode, where you compete against the clock. (To start either mode, click on the "Level 1" bar at the left of the screen.)

That's it? That's it.

Warning: Music and sound effects, though nothing too obnoxious.

Via Ursi's Blog

A very well-drawn and witty puzzle. It's in Russian, but the language of point-and-click is the Esperanto of our times.

Speaking of which, click on either of the orange buttons on the splash screen to start.

When you figure out the astonishing trick that gets you past the first page, please send me an email, because I can't for the life of me figure out what it is.

Warning: Music and sfx. You can turn them both off with the speaker button in the bottom left corner.

The successor to Flash Element Tower Defence, which I linked to
back in January. Same principle -- set up towers to shoot at the invading meanies. I haven't had the time to play with it much, but it seems well done. Some don't like it as much as the original. Others praise it as superior.

See these comment threads at Digg and Fazed or the developers' bulletin board for opinions pro and con and discussions on strategy.

Warning: Music and sound effects. You can mute them with a button at the top right of the screen.

Steer the silver ball to its target, using the crates to bridge the water. Each level is timed, so the clock is your enemy. Beware the golden ball. Golden ball = death. Also keep an eye out for laser-firing robots.

I'm not exactly sure that there are laser-firing robots in the game, since I haven't been able to make it past the sixth level, but it can't hurt to watch out for them. If they do exist, it's nothing but bad news.

Warning: Sounds and music. You can turn them off with a button (bottom of screen, second from right), but music will come up in the prior title/instruction screen.

In what has been remarked by some * commentators as the equivalent of the Zapruder film this startling screen capture shows Dart B, thrown by Monkey A, at the precise instant that it bursts Bloon C before continuing on to miss all the others. Link.

No, I don't know why they call them "Bloons." I'm guessing that they ran out of money in their development budget, so they couldn't afford the extra "A" and "L." That, or it's a Web 2.0 thing.

Warning: Sound effects.

* Well, me.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, wow, he's really got nothing tonight. That would not be true. I have the Hillary Dress Up game.

Best of all, once you finish dressing up Hillary, you can copy the wardrobe code and mail it to friends * so that they can see what you've done!

* Please do not mail me with your creations. I've already set up my filters to block any possible permutations of "Hillary," "Dress," and "Up." Thank you for your cooperation.

Don't do it, they said. You'll screw up the formatting of your page, and for what? Cheap thrills and the acclaim of the masses? Well, formatting be damned: I'm gonna do it, as part of my pledge to bring you the latest and hottest games. Or whatever, especially if it's embeddable.

Now, for the approximately three people on the planet who haven't played computer mah-jongg (the actual game itself is very different, sort of a cross between rummy and dominoes), it isn't exactly rocket science. Remove the tiles by clicking on matching pairs. Any tile that has its right or left edge untouched by other tiles can be selected. So have at 'er.

Warning: Some minor sound effects. I haven't won at it yet, though, so I can't guarantee that clearing the board doesn't serenade you with a blast of trumpets or something.

As you might know, the longest and most savage feud in the Canadian blogosphere is between me and Bruce Gottfred (or, as I refer to him, spit Gottfred! spit) of Autonomous Source for traffic bragging rights. As with university politics, the essential worthlessness of the prize makes the fight all the more vicious.

spit Gottfred! spit has certain unfair advantages; namely, two cute kids whose pictures he posts at every opportunity. As I have no kids, cute or otherwise, this is unfair.

Anyway, I think I've got him beat on this one. Click on over to his site and look at the right sidebar. You'll see that he's installed a Marble Madness-type game. But do not attempt to play it. I've tried every key combination I can think of, and I can't get the ball to move. So come back here and click on the play button above. Behold, a working copy of Marble Madness (or something like it.)

Use the arrow keys to steer (to the golden square). There's no sound, but as I'm unable to get past the first level, I can't guarantee anything after that.

I said that the game works. Me, not so much.

I had to shrink the game somewhat to fit my format. If you'd like to play the larger version, go here.

At last, one of those tower games that has an application for the real world. I would pay good money for an integrated picnic anti-ant defence system.

Ants. I hate 'em, I do.

Warning: Music and sfx. You can mute it with a button at the bottom right.

Update: I noticed that a lot of searches for Antbusters were looking for tips on strategy. There doesn't seem to be a forum devoted to it, but I found this at Yahoo! Answers:

Take your first three builds, equally spaced in a perimeter around the anthill. Upgrade the two on the outside as follows (heavy cannon 1, Impact cannon 1, then eventually Ice cannon 1). For your middle cannon, (to be upgraded first and foremost) take it heavy cannon 1, heavy cannon 2, missle launcher 1. As soon as you get a missle launcher (level 19 - 20ish) it should be 1 shot kills until level 32 or so. As soon as you have the ML, upgrade the other two to ice ASAP. That will slow them down enough for your ML to get 2 hits on each any, killing everything in sight. Upgrading to ice cannon 2 is a waste of money, but upgrading after the first two ice cannons your center ML to level II is really critical. Does the most consistent damage in the game. Next cannon you place, put it about 4 cannon lengths away from the middle cannon, and make it another maxed out ML. Don't defend around the cake.

Scroll down this page for further advice.

Just like the title says -- touch the bubbles with your mouse (more correctly with your cursor) before they collide with the sides. It starts getting hectic about the third level or so.

Warning: Gentle music and sfx.

On the assumption that you have utterly nothing else to do this weekend, here's something to keep you occupied. Using the arrow keys, sweep the sunlight back and forth and toast as many tourists as you can.

I hesitate to call it a game --- it looks like a Flash programming project to demo the work of its creator, a university student in England. It ends when some (apparently arbitrary) number of tourists are on the beach.

Warning: Music and sfx.

http://1GAME.free.fr

Alternately press the left and right arrow keys to build up your speed (you must be in the red zone in the upper left gauge before you jump off the cliff); your up and down arrows to control your hangglider thereafter. Steer through the hoops to get points and avoid the cruel cruel eagles vultures, who will send you screaming in a death spiral to the canyon floor. Oh, and when the flashing downward arrow appears at the end of the level, it's a strong suggestion that you land your craft. (Press the spacebar while only a few feet above the ground.)

Or smash into a cliff. Your call.

Warning: Sound effects. Also, you might want to stick with the novice version. The expert level is for some reason set in the dead of night, which is a bit challenging, to say the least.

Who says this blog isn't educational? Behold Statetris, which combines geography and crazy Tetris fun fun fun in one fell swoop. Now if we could just figure out what "one fell swoop" means.

You might want to check out some of the other things on the site. You can send messages with smoke signals, etc., overlaid onto Google Earth, put your own face on famous monuments, and so much more. And you were worried how you'd fill the hours tonight.

Warning: Minor sound effects.

Pinch Hitter is a well-done little game. You unlock new challenges by completing tasks -- hit a home run; hit ten pitches in a row, etc. You choose a name, team and colors before playing (the game records your achievements so you can continue at the same level at a later time). There's a pale yellow cursor that indicates where your bat meets the ball.

Warning: Typical baseball noises, which you can mute with a button at the bottom of the menu screen. Unfortunately there are some other sfx before you get to that screen, so turn down your speakers if that's a problem.

You might remember Statetris from a few days ago. Here's your chance to unite the European Union.

When it comes time to place the small principalities or city-states like Monaco, Malta and Andorra (pictured), magnifying glasses will appear over their possible positions. This makes things a bit easier, you betcha.

Warning: Minor sound effects.

The backstory, for what it's worth:

Newly wed to Shunsuke, eldest son of the historied Tsubakikoji family, Reiko suffers the loss of her husband the very next day. Under the cruel and unceasing mockery of the aristocrats, Reiko's common-born blood sets to boil. Clutching the rose Shunsuke gave her to her bosom, Reiko issues a defiant challenge to the house. "I am the widow of the eldest son of the Tsubakikoji family. This house is mine!" ...This is the elegant art of feminine conflict.

A Japanese (what else) game that illustrates the problem of violence against women in computer games. That's okay, though. They're both women, so it's kind of hawt. Wait until they discover spanking.

At the bottom right of the splash screen there's a difficulty slider; below it, a Start Game button will light up. From there, click the button on the right and swipe your mouse across your opponent's face to deliver a blow. Sometimes you can get in a second shot, but you've got to be quick. Defend yourself (somewhat) by clicking on the left button and dragging across to turn your face away from the return slap.

Warning: Music and sound effects.

Several of them, actually.

In an eerie bit of synchronicity, I've recently happened across a couple of games featuring angels and devils. This is either happy coincidence or a sign of the End Times.

I've put them both behind the jump because sound is triggered each time they load, which could get annoying while waiting for them to scroll off the front page.

A simple, if frustrating puzzle. Click on any of the green dots, and the cat will move to any free adjoining dot. Your task is to prevent it from escaping from the board.

There's a bit of sound when this finishes loading, so turn down your speakers if that's going to be a problem. Yet another Tower Defence game, this time with the enemy attacking your girlfriend, ensconced in her castle (sorority?).

Warning: Music and sound effects. You can turn it off with a an icon at the bottom right, beside the start/restart button. You might want to skip the cutscene animations, which are rather sophomoric. As you might expect from a game called "Fratboy Girlfriend Defence."

I've put the game behind the jump because it plays music when loading. You can turn sound off within the game (button at lower right).

Line Golfer is a variant of the popular Line Rider. Instead of drawing slopes for your little sledder to traverse, you design a golf hole to play (it doesn't seem to have the capacity yet to link holes together to build a course but I expect it soon will). It's more like miniature golf in that you can set up tunnels, etc., to channel the ball. If you don't want to bother building your own, there are plenty of other designs you can load and play.

Note: If the game doesn't seem to do anything, close the window and load it again. Second time's usually the charm.

Free Flash GamesandFree Online Games

My fancy rewording for this short little game, in which you try to decide whether a still from a movie is a sex or death scene. I got eight out of ten right, which must mean that I am very observant or disturbed or something.

Warning: Pictures are safe for work but there's background music. You can turn it off with a button at the lower right.

A game based on a TV series, City Of Vice, by Britain's Channel 4. You play a Bow Street Runner, proto-detectives who became one of England's first professional police forces in the 18th century.

The game is the standard point-and-click type; however, it looks very deep and graphically-interesting, with professionally-acted cut-scenes. You play in your browser; there's nothing to download or install. You don't have to register, but you might want to if you like the game and want to save your place (new episodes will be released in the future).

Warning: As the picture might indicate, the content can be violent, and the language might offend. If you're sensitive to Georgian cursing, that is. Sound you can turn off with a button at the top right.

Are you ready to take on Mother Nature? In commem- oration of last year's snowed-out home opener, The Plain Dealer presents Snowball!, a game where you're the grounds crew, struggling to roll out the tarp before storms turn the field to mush.

Leave the tarp out too long, though, and time will run out before the Indians can get in a complete game. There are three levels, plus a hidden level you get to only if you can conquer the toughest challenge.

The "toughest challenge" is undoubtably staying awake long enough to see it, in what must surely be the lamest game of this year, or any other.

Warning: Sound, but you can mute it on the right. Use the up/down arrow keys to play.

Yet another Tower Defence game, but very well done, with ten different maps of varying difficulty; and waves of creeps disguised as, among other things, pumpkins and open-face sandwiches (I think). You have to register with the site to upload your high scores, but that's about the only inconvenience.

Warning: Music and sound effects, which you can mute with buttons at the top right.

Here's something new, at least to me. Flash characters superimposed on real-world scenes. You shoot them with your finger and a left mouse click. (Hey, if they can invade my world, my finger can be a gun. It's only fair.)

The picture shows what's coming at you after your second kill. Suffice it to say that things get a bit hectic after that. It took me about ten tries to get the screencap.

Warning: Music and sound effects, which you can mute with the M and A keys, respectively.

I'm the Mekuri Master, the Skirt-Flip King. The name isn't their idea... It's mine. I'm a man who was born to lift skirts. You think any so-called "rules" are gonna stop me? When classes get out, I race through the corridors like a fearsome wind, flipping, flipping, flipping up girls' skirts and letting the whole world know that I am the Mekuri Master!

Only in Japan, you say? (Or possibly Scotland.)

At any rate, click and drag the girls' skirts upwards as the "Mekuri Master" passes by. There's more explanation of the scoring, bonus rounds, etc. on the page -- scroll down to see it. Or you could watch this YouTube clip. Click here or on the picture to start. (If you want to play again after finishing the game, just click on the ending screen.)

Warning: Apart from the content (no nudity, but doubtlessly offensive to some), there's music and sound effects, both of which you can mute with buttons at the bottom right (marked with a speaker cone and the letters "BSG" respectively).

Not the greatest game, but it's different. Most of the points seem to be found in the small "town" to the right, where you may profitably indulge your godless lust for destruction.

Warning: Music and sound effects. There doesn't seem to be any way to mute them at the site, so turn down your speakers beforehand if that's going to be a problem. Link, or click the photo to start.

You are a sniper behind enemy lines on D-Day, tasked with picking off the bad guys as the Allies consolidate their beachhead.

Well, not really, though I do admire your active fantasy life. Still, it's a relaxing pastime, sort of like Where's Waldo, but with fatal head shots.

If you can, identify all the enemy snipers and eliminate them first. Because once you fire that first shot, they start looking for you. All of your targets will be within the white boundary-lines indicated on the briefing screen.

Click on the picture or here (for a full-screen version).

Warning: Some sound effects, mainly the sound of your gun and ricochets. There's no muting, so turn down your speakers first if need be.

An interesting little simulation.I didn't have a lot of time to play with it, but I suspect your strategies can get quite involved. Click the picture or here to start.

Via A Welsh View

Playing God is tougher than it looks, which is why no one's offering me the job, I guess. Before you conjure into being your first universe (which really sounds like a lot of work), you might want to try your hand at organizing a simple solar system. Try to not crash the planets, Zeus.
Click the picture or here to start.

Warning: Music and sound effects. You can turn them off with a button at the top right.

An inspired genre-blend of Bloons And Tower Defence. Click the picture or here to start.

Warning: Sound, but you can mute it with a button at top right.

Bart Bonte is a Belgian programmer who produces charming little games without much in the way of instructions; the idea is to discover the rules for yourself. In this (click the image or here) you are presented with various screens. In the one pictured you click on the purple duck to advance to the next level. But I leave you to discover the game's other secrets.

Bonte's website here. He reminds me of the even-more-whimsical Ferry Halim.

Warning: SFX and music -- the latter can be muted with a button at upper left.

Despite the name, there's little "defence" to be had in this game/propaganda piece. Go ahead, set up your little men like you were playing some variant of Tower Defence. It doesn't matter how or where; they're doomed beneath relentless waves of Israeli air and armor attacks. You'd think someone would have warned Hamas about that.

Play. Warning: Music and SFX.